Homeward Bound

by George Hillman

                                                                      PART ONE: A Beginning 

                                                                               Chapter one

     We never know what will occur when we rub up against another, nor do we care what the consequences will be, all we know is the flesh wants flesh and the mind wants another mind. What happens after the union splits, well It's the basis for most popular music isn't it? Take another little piece of my heart now baby.  

      Matt stirred his hot chocolate the brown swirl taking him back a year and a day to a bridge two thousand miles away, a brown turbulent river that may still be waiting for him. Rivers are patient that way.  All around him was the early morning bustle of a wilderness lodge, people readying to go hiking, others with their luggage on the way to their vehicles homeward bound as he was. His luggage sat on the floor propped against his chair. It was a battle scarred Kelty backpack which held his spare clothes, sleeping bag, mattress and a weeks worth of food as well as all the other items of a long distance hike. A pair of trekking poles leaned against it. He sipped. His transport to the trail head would be here soon  the man on the phone said forty five minutes and it had been around forty so far. Today he would hike about seven miles to the Springer Mountain Shelter where he would camp for the night, tomorrow he would begin his Appalachian Trail Through hike.

     When the cab arrived he propped his pack in the seat and climbed in, the driver was full of stories of the people he had driven to the trail only to pick them up again a few days later when they found they'd had enough. Most people didn't realize what they were getting into and the driver relished telling the tales of failure. Matt quietly listened nodding in the appropriate spots, he had known many people like the driver who enjoyed failure in others. One woman he had worked with would listen to a person's tale of woe and a small smile would start to form on her face, and as he watched Matt could already hear her retelling the story to the customers at the hardware store the rest of the day.  Fail or not he knew what he was getting himself into. 

     The driver took Matt's fare and tip saying, "Y'all call me when you've had enough." A whiff of exhaust and Matt was alone with the slushy trail and the bare trees. It was a fairly warm day for the first of April. Matt could appreciate the irony that his hike was starting on April Fools Day, and not for the last time he asked himself what he was doing. Four hours later he was at the shelter 2,200 miles from Katahdin and home. 

     He pitched his tent and went over to the shelter to meet the others who were beginning tomorrow.  A man and a woman probably in their mid thirties were trying to light a fire with damp wood that wouldn't catch. There was a tension about them that said "married". She looked fit but he was a little soggy around the middle.  Matt wanted to tell them they were wasting their time but he kept it to himself, they seemed to enjoy their bickering.  Three youngsters were watching the smoke makers, Nick, Buzz, and Honey. Honey seemed amused.  Sitting in the back of the shelter was a grey bearded man named "Frivolous" a moniker he took from something his wife said about his first through hike. She had said that it was a frivolous waste of time. Soon she was an ex-wife. He was a retired architect from Buffalo New York, they discussed the trail in Maine, which Matt was very familiar with, during supper. The couple bickered their way through an expensive looking freeze dried meal cooked on a huge stove and eaten on large dishes. Pack weight was going to be a problem for them, or possibly not as their hike seemed about to end in divorce court. 

     Matt went to bed wishing he had put hot water in his Nalgene bottle for the bottom of his sleeping bag. The bag was great but a little long and the empty space at the bottom was hard to heat up on a cold night. He knew that his feet would never warm up now.  His wife Janis had bought him the bag for Christmas one year after he had gotten a slight case of hypothermia camping in October. His previous bag had been an old $10 piece of crap comfort rated to seventy five degrees. He froze all night and in the morning was shivering so badly he barely could light a match for the campfire he so desperately needed. On the drive home Janis had opened the car window, a perfectly reasonable thing to do on a warm fall day, and Matt had nearly bitten her head off. That December there was an L L Bean sleeping bag good down to zero degrees under the tree. 

     Janis had been his wife for nine years, when they split up it nearly killed him. Nearly killed her as well. One day he let himself into what had once been their house and was now her house, walked into the bedroom where she was getting ready for work. He pulled a knife on her planning to murder her and then jump off the Penobscot Narrows bridge. He didn't end up in the river and janis survived the day, where he did end up was in court ordered therapy and now he couldn't own a gun. Matt still had his knife however which he found both amusing and disturbing.  A month later Janis was killed by a drunk driver, she hadn't gotten around to changing the beneficiaries on her half million dollar insurance policy or taking his name off the mortgage, so he now owned the house he had been shunned from and was hiking on the insurance money.

     Warm body, cold nose was how Matt woke on his first morning on the AT. He rubbed his feet to warm them up and pulled on his ice cold boots, this was always his least favorite part of winter camping, it would take a while for the stiff leather to warm and become supple again. Most people who stay on the trail for any length of time choose or acquire a trail name. It's an alias they use when writing in trail registers, and amongst themselves, it also is the name printed in the Appalachian Trail Conference's magazine "Journeys" if you happen to be one of the ten percent who are lucky or determined  enough to finish the trail. Matt chose the name Homeward Bound, because that was the direction he was heading. 

     Matt had an apple as he set out, the last one on the trail this morning. It was a cold crunchy day and dark clouds lowered overhead, snow for sure. When the flakes started falling he put up his hood and kept going. At noon he reached the Hawk Mountain Shelter, the bickering couple were trying to light a fire again.  In Maine during the spring a good smudge is appreciated as it keeps the insects down, now however it was just filling the shelter with smoke with every gust of wind.  Again Matt was silent.

     "I told you this wouldn't work." the woman said flinging down some sticks.

      

      There now, thought Matt, one of them learns from experience.

     "Sorry babe." he mumbled as she stalked off to the outhouse.  "This was a mistake." he muttered to himself.

     "It's the wet wood" said Matt.  "A little early in the day for a fire aint it?"

     The chubby man stared into the fire ring his eyes watering from the smoke, or perhaps it wasn't the smoke.  "Doesn't matter, I wasn't talking about the fire anyhow. I just came out here for her, she's always talking about doing the trail. I just wanted to… ah the heck with it, I'm useless."

     Matt was scanning the trees, "Careful what you say that would be a bad trail name." he pointed up into the branches of a nearby tree. "I think there's a hornets nest up there, let's knock it down before your wife gets back."

     "Why the heck.."   

     Matt cut him off, "Those things burn like a bastard, if we put that under your twigs they just might get them going."

     A smile and a shake of the head and, "Why not?"

     They found a long stick and Matt helped him shimmy up the tree a ways and by the time she came back they had a small blaze going.

     "I forgot the damn toilet paper, had to wipe with some leaves…. I'll be damned. Did Gandalf show up while I was away?"

     It wasn't much of a fire but it was putting smiles on two faces that a moment ago looked like they hated each other. Matt didn't think their hike would last much longer but that fire would last forever.  He left them to their moment, he'd had his moments. How many times had he gazed at Janis across the leaping flames? The miles went by in a blur of snow and a fog of memories. He had never backpacked in snow before and it was beautiful, everything was soaking through however.  Up ahead he could see Frivolous striding along. Needing a break from his memories he caught up. Frivolous was carrying a walking stick with GA-ME 2007/2009/2010 carved on the side.

     "How's it going?" asked Matt when he caught up. Frivolous' beard was coated with icicles that wiggled when he talked, Matt nearly started laughing imagining them tinkling like wind chimes.

     "oh not so bad, you know I moved to Florida to get away from this, right now I should be sitting at the Undertow sipping a chocolate cream stout and ogling the half naked bartender."

     Matt nodded and wiped water off his eyebrows. Frivolous went on talking about Florida, it sounded nice but Matt was where he wanted to be, so was Frivolous he suspected. He'd been wet before. He remembered one time fishing with his buddy Seth in this bog supposedly brimming with trout, they hiked three miles in a drizzle to get there and then stood sinking into the marsh while the sky opened above them. Seth was swearing a blue streak trying to keep his cigar lit. The only thing they accomplished was drowning some perfectly innocent worms. That was one of the better trips, another time Seth's ancient Dodge Dart shit the bed way the Hell out on some logging road stranding them miles from civilization. Then there was the time they were fishing for mackerel in Bar Harbor and the fishing was so good they didn't notice the tide had come in stranding them on an ever shrinking piece of rock. They had to swim for shore losing most of their gear and scratching the shit out of themselves climbing up the barnacle encrusted rocks.  Cancer got Seth back in '03, he always smoked too much. The only time Matt ever smoked, other than the occasional cigar to ward off bugs while fishing, was when he was with Seth at the bars. One drunken night he had sucked down ten cigarettes and when Seth tried to shake one out of the empty pack he looked at Matt and yelled over the juke box, "You chain smokin' son of a whore." The cancer started in his lungs and moved to his brain.  Seth was beyond recognizing anyone the last time Matt saw him, he was dead two days later. Matt put a Daredevil in his coffin.

      "Florida is too damned hot and flat too, I don't care for the flat."  Frivolous had talked them all the way to the shelter. Matt pitched his damp tent not knowing this was a condition he would be living with for the next week. The Gooch Mountain Shelter looked like a tenement, there were dripping clothes hanging  everywhere, cook stoves hissed.  Matt sat on the deacons seat and listened to the conversation. Nick and Buzz were arguing the relative merits of Ramen Noodles vs. white rice. Nick was cooking rice while Honey stood just under the overhanging roof smearing chunky peanut butter on a tortilla with her finger.

     "You know there's no nutritional value in those things, and the flavor packet is full of MSG, drive your blood pressure right through the roof. Not to mention it'll eat the taste buds right out of yer head." said Nick

     Buzz was stirring his noodles with a stick he had peeled the bark from, he hummed a tune as he stirred, "hmm hmm white rice, white rice, nothing' nice 'bout white rice."

     "You know that shit would gag a maggot." Nick continued.

     Buzz cocked an eye in his direction, "Nice! You learn that one from your grandmother?" 

     "As a matter of fact I did, grammy Simpson knew better than to eat crap like that." 

     "Huh? I seem to recall that she used to dig up your lawn and eat it with some dubious pork products." said Buzz.

     Honey laughed throwing back her head, a fine spray flying off her golden braids. "I remember that, fucking pigs feet or knuckles some crap like that. Jesus! I wanted to puke every time I looked in your fridge. I'd be looking for some milk to go with my Oreos and there would this science project in there, it look like old lady Lockwood's dissection class."  Her face screwed up in revulsion and she stuck a peanutty finger down her throat making retching sounds.

     Nick squirted Parkay into his rice asking, "Is that the same finger you scrape your ass with?"

     "Yes." she stuck out her peanut butter coated tongue at him.

     "No wonder you don't have a boyfriend." said Nick

     "I don't have a boyfriend because I waste too much time on you losers."

     "Hey! I didn't say anything." said Buzz

     "Well you should have, someone has to defend my honor."

     "God knows you never do it yourself."

     "HAH" she cried and attacked him with a PB coated digit.

     "Hey Frivolous what are you cooking over there? It smells awesome." asked Buzz

     "Stovetop stuffing."

     "Oh man." crooned Honey "I'd love some turkey."

     "And cranberry sauce." came from a dim corner of the shelter, "and not that liberal Martha Stewart shit either, if it's not shaped like the can it's not cranberry sauce."

     Faces lit by tiny blue flames smiled and laughed as thanksgiving dinners gone by were remembered. Gravy, squash, corn, yeast rolls, pumpkin pie were discussed by the denizens of Gooch Mountain Shelter as they ate their starchy meals.

     "We always had lasagna on thanksgiving." said Matt

     "What?" said Honey appalled by this sacrilege. "You're shittin' me, lasagna on pilgrim day?" she looked around the shelter, "he's totally shittin' us."

     "Nope." said Matt,  "we always had dinner with my wife's family and her grandmother said she'd eaten enough turkey for one life time, so we had lasagna." 

     Honey rolled on her back kicking her filthy bare feet, "That's too funny, the old bitch didn't want any more turkey, that's sweet. I can't wait to get old."

     "She wasn't a bitch." Matt said quietly.

     "Don't mind her she gets diarrhea of the mouth sometimes." said Buzz

     Matt went back to his tent to cook he didn't want any comments on his meal. What the girl said had rankled him. Glennis Cashman had lived to be 94, he believed that if she were alive today his marriage wouldn't have ended the way it did. When Glennis died the whole family came apart, her three children fought over the house and camp on Allamoosic Lake . They ended up selling both and splitting the money. Six generations had been raised in that house but no one seemed to care. Janis was in the middle of the fray making sure they got top dollar. Matt hated to see the camp go, it seemed to be the only place the family ever got together any more. Her great grandfather built it over seventy years ago, it was one of the few things he ever stood up to his wife about. They fought about it till the day of the sale. In the early spring he had walked down to the camp for one more look around.  The key was still in the outhouse named Allamoovements. Inside things were as they had been left in the fall. He looked out the bay window at the still frozen lake. There was a boulder there that always had a big bass under it, they would see it when swimming. Matt tried to catch that fish for eight years, he never even got a strike.  He read the camp journal and when he got to the last entry, "September 28, We took in the dock for the winter." he turned the page and wrote, "April 3rd, 2009.  Welcome to your new camp, may you have many wonderful summers here."

     On the way out the door he opened the silver ware drawer and took a clasp knife, it was a relic of the man who built the place. Ivory handle with a fly rod on one side and a salmon on the other, the blade was nearly sharpened away. As he walked back to his car he remembered birthday parties, children swimming with dogs, August thunder storms, the wink of sunlight on upturned paddles as he waited for the return of Janis's kayak.

                                                                                               Chapter two

     Matt was in the town of Franklin North Carolina after a week of snow 108 miles into his hike. This was his first trail town and it was full of refugees. Many of them were staying at the Franklin Motel which was where Matt had a room. Last night there had been a pizza party that had stretched across several rooms, non hikers had been invited. Some of the worst storms of the winter had happened in the last week and the hikers were looked upon as some kind of folk heros by the other guests. 

     Today however was warm and sunny, Matt was enjoying some down time in a park. A father was pushing a little girl on a swing, screams that normally would have brought a parent running heart in throat only produced smiles on this poppas face.  Matt couldn't remember his father pushing him on a swing, Harold wasn't that kind of father. If asked he would have said he'd had a good upbringing but still he wondered. He watched the little girl flying high kicking her red sneakers that were one shade brighter than her hair, then descending to be caught and launched skyward again. What trust there was in that act. He had many good memories of his father but watching the pair at the swing he realized he was watching a "dad" not a father. Harold had been a father pure and simple. An authority figure, a banker to be applied to for funding, the final arbiter of disputes. Harold had been gone for six years now, thirty two was too young to lose a parent. Mom was still alive but had grown distant and it hadn't been much of a journey, the Washburn's had never been the warmest of households. He often wondered why his marriage broke up, why his family was so distant, why he had no close friends. It came to him then that he was looking at the answer, a dad, a daughter, and a swing.

     Matt found the library and was able to access the internet and read the Boston Globe. Jesus Christ! The Red Sox had lost their first six games to the Rangers and Indians. Theo Epstein's "greatest team of all time" had come out of the gate in a complete nose dive. The same sports writers that a week ago had anointed them can't miss for the Worlds Series now resembled a flock of crows on a carcass. Carl Crawford whom he had always thought over rated had failed to get a hit. Damnation, time to find the postoffice. The librarian gave him a dirty look on the way out the door apparently his exclamation of shock had been out loud.

     Matt sat on a bench outside the post office with his package, also, much to his own surprise, he had four postcards, one for mom and one for each of his siblings. Nobody knew he was on the trail, they were not a close family and since Harold's death things had only gotten worse. Mom was in Florida, his sister Katie in Pennsylvania, and his brothers Sean and Michael were living in Massachusetts, in this day of instant contact the Washburns were still in the pony express age. He stared at the post cards, nearly threw them away, then went back inside and scribbled a note on each one with the "pen on a chain." He stuffed them in the out of town box before he could change his mind. The way his heart was thudding you'd have thought he was having a heart attack.

     Hikers usually resupply themselves by having a friend mail packages to the post offices along the way.  Janis' cousin Maria, who was the only member of her family still speaking to him, offered to mail his drop boxes. She had been a hippie in her day living on the Haight Ashbury and done all the counter culture stuff. She had been at Monterrey the day Janis Joplin became famous and at Altamont the day the Hell's Angels became infamous. She had also hiked the trail in 1974 and was a lot of help as Matt  prepared last winter. They had spent many hours packing and repacking his boxes discussing equipment, trail towns and many other things. He now thought he should have sent her a card too since she was his only outside contact, he would do just that at the next town. Maria would turn 61 in July, she had two ex husbands and no children, talking trail seemed to take twenty years off her face. One beer hazed night she and Matt had slid off to bed together, in her youth she had been a dark haired beauty with a body to die for that had now gone to age and excess. Matt asked her to come with him but her face said it all. She took him to Bangor International the day he left for Georgia, hugged him goodbye and whispered "thanks Matt" in his ear. 

     Several hikers were sprawled on the motel's lawn when he got back. Matt grabbed the bench next to the lobby and opened the box with his knife.

     "Hey man what happened to that knife?"

     It was Honey of course, silence seemed to offend this girl. She snatched up the knife, "Holy crap that's the thinnest blade I've ever seen." She ran her thumb along the blade drawing blood. "Shit." The thumb went into her mouth but that didn't stop her from talking, "That thing's sharp." she mumbled past her thumb.

     Matt folded the blade back into the handle, "This knife is older than both of us put together that's why the blade is like that. It belonged to my wife's great grandfather Jake." He fumbled around in his box till he found a bandaid and wrapped it around Honey's offended digit. 

     "Thanks, can I see the knife again?"

     He handed it to her, "Is this ivory? My dad had an ivory knife. What kind of fish is that? Is that a fly rod? I saw  a guy use one of those once and he almost hooked me in  the mouth."

     "I'm not surprised." said Matt "Were you vaccinated with a phonograph needle?" he asked quoting Groucho Marx.

     "Huh?" she responded

     To expect a child of the ipod generation to understand that joke was silly so Matt tried to explain about record players and being vaccinated against diseases that don't exist anymore but she just looked confused, or perhaps it was just the strain of not running her mouth for a minute. Just then Nick and Buzz emerged from the post office with their drop box, they were arguing about food again.

     "Snickers is the perfect candy bar for the trail  it's got chocolate, it's got peanuts, it's got caramel." Nick ticked off each point on a finger. "and it's tough, stands up to abuse. What more do you want?"

     "I just like Chunky better." shrugged Buzz

     "Chunky sounds like a bad bowel movement" said Honey

     "What kind of peanut butter have you been eating?" asked Buzz

     "He's got you there." said Nick

     "Why're you assholes always ganging up on me?"

      "It's the only way we can survive around you, that's why. So stop whining." said Nick

     "Fuckyaboth." she stomped inside.

     "She's a real piece of work." said Matt

     "Yah but we love her anyhow." said Buzz

     Nick said "speak for yourself, Get anything good." he asked looking into Matt's box.

     "No candy bars, this is what I snack on." He pulled a bag of mini Tootsie Rolls from the box. "Chocolate for the sugar rush, easy to unwrap and remains structurally sound in a pocket. No need to stop and tear your pack apart."

     "So you just load up the pockets and snack all day? I wonder if I can get some at the store?" said Nick

     "Here take these" said Matt, "I have half a bag in my pack and I'll be getting more next mail drop."

     "Fuckin' A." said Nick

     "Thanks man," said Buzz "Honey will have several complaints but will love them nonetheless. We're going out for a burger care to come?"

     "Is your girlfriend coming?"

    " Hah, just try going without her, we'd be hearing about it all the way to Harper's Ferry." said Nick

     "No doubt" said Matt  "OK I'm in."

     Buzz described a place they'd had breakfast while Nick stuck his head in the lobby. "Hey sugar thighs you ready for din din? Well then get your bum out here."

     Honey burst through the door no doubt leaving behind several pairs of relieved eardrums. "Yee Hah let's get this gravy train rolling." She did a summersault and came up ramming into both boys nearly knocking them down. "Hey Mattie Boy show them your cool blade. He's got this knife only it's really about half a knife, sharper 'n' shit though." she held up her thumb. Matt wondered why she never passes out from lack of oxygen since she never seemed to pause for breath.

     They ate cheeseburgers in a diner full of hiker photos amid a cloud of inane banter. Honey ate her last bite and slurped down her soda then beat her chest like a gorilla while emitting a belch that hung in the air like a clothesline. While the boys were incapacitated by laughter she pilfered their pickle spears.

     "Hey wench give that back." said Nick reaching for Honey's plate

     Honey shoved both pickles into her mouth and mumbled, "come and get them big boy." spraying pickle juice. 

     Buzz fell out of his chair laughing so hard no sound came out, tears leaked from the side of his eyes. Nick tried to look indignant but couldn't quite pull it off. Not too long ago Matt would have been too embarrassed to speak by such a public display but now he said, "I've got $5 if you can get a third one in there." he pushed his plate across the table. Honey made a gesture that said show me the money, so Matt slapped an Abe Lincoln on the table. She shoved another pickle into her copious maw and that did it for Nick, his head came down on the table and strangling sound came from his face. Honey rose and took a bow, the waitress asked when the next show was.

     "Don't talk with your mouth full." said Buzz from the floor.

     "Drop dead." she sprayed and a pickle fell out of her mouth onto the floor.

     "That nullifies our bet." said Matt snatching up the five.

     Honey spit the other two pickles into her plate, "No way dude that's not fair." she jabbed a finger at her friends. "You two jerks owe me five bucks."

     Matt threw the bill back on the table,"There you go you earned it."

     Honey beamed as she stuffed the money into her pocket, "And I've got three extra pickles too!"

     You aren't going to eat that one off the floor are you?" he asked

     "Stupid question." said Buzz tossing the pickle on her plate.

  

     Back at the motel Matt packed the provisions in his bag. He felt like he didn't know what world he was in, his life was such a mess, divorce, then Janis's death, sudden wealth and independence and now on this hike. He couldn't remember the last time he laughed as hard as he did at the diner. Something shifted inside of him. Something big and hard with sharp edges, it felt like it was seeking exit. He gingerly laid himself on the bed. The tears came slowly then built to a torrent, the pain inside subsided somewhat. He fell asleep to dream of clear blue lakes.

     The Franklin Motel had a list of the members of the Nantahala Hiking Club who would give hikers a ride back to the trail. One of the amazing things about the Appalachian Trail is that it is run entirely by volunteers. Nearly 2,200 miles long , crossing thirteen states, the largest national park in the world. Twenty nine separate clubs work their own sections of the trail painting blazes, placing signs, repairing water damage, keeping the trail clear of weeds, bushes and blown down trees. The amount of work staggered Matt's mind. The Nantahala Hiking club not only did all that but it's unpaid members offered free taxi service for those hiking their trail.

     It seemed Matt had been adopted by three orphaned children so he was making phone calls for Honey, Nick, and Buzz as well as himself. The first three calls were fruitless but the fourth was answered by a voice Darth Vader would have been envious of. The woman's name was Nellie Severeid and she would be there in forty five minutes.

     

     She drove up in exactly the time advertised in an old Range Rover with no doors. She wasn't exactly fat but lord she was large, a mountain of a woman. She was wearing a Mr. Bubble tank top exposing arms the size of hams.

     "Hop in." she said in a distinct Brooklyn accent. They loaded their gear and themselves into the Rover as best they could. Matt looked for a seat belt to no avail. Nellie gunned it spraying gravel and flew down the road engine coughing then smoothing to a dull roar. 

     "I'm not from here originally, where youse folks from?"

     "Maine." Matt hissed through clenched teeth as he gripped the seat on a corner that Nellie took with two wheels in the dirt. 

     "We're from Oregon." said Honey "Careful you don't lose our Mattie Boy."

     Matt felt a small warmness inside at the "our" a silly thing to feel considering he was facing imminent death. The ride ended without fatalities and Matt resisted the urge to kiss the ground. 

     "everyone out? OK I'm down the road." They all flinched from flying gravel as Nellie swung back onto the road with a meaty wave.

     Good lord, I'm walking from now on." said Matt. Nick laughed and clapped him on the back.

     "That was fucking awesome, I'm getting one of those Grange Rovas." said Honey.

                                                                          Chapter Three

     The pamphlet had a gorilla eating a banana on the front and was titled,  "Big Daddy".  He had found it inside the shelter where he was having lunch. Matt had finished Steinbeck's The Winter of Our Discontent and wanted something to read. As he munched some peanuts he flipped it open. It was the basic religious propaganda. A pear shaped, bearded obviously Jewish professor was teaching evolution to students who were black, Asian, or hippy looking. The one dissenter in the class was a blonde Arian looking boy who stood up and dissected the professor's speech point by point while quoting the Bible. The pamphlet was distributed by Mountain View Baptist Church. Matt leaned against his pack and looked at the trees, felt the breeze on his face. A pair of crows were turning over leaves looking for worms. He had always loathed this sort of thing but out here it seemed particularly vile. Matt read on, the professor was berating the dissenter, spit and sweat sprung from his face as he threatened to have the boy arrested. Here was the thing that disgusted him the most, the religious right claiming they were oppressed, that gays and atheists were recruiting the youth of America. It was the same hog wash that sent the Pilgrims sailing off unprepared across the Atlantic to land in the wrong place as winter was about to descend. Matt had heard this bull shit chapter and verse from a man he worked with at the hardware store. This same man who had claimed to have seen the Virgin mary in a cloud told him he was living in a fantasy world because Matt didn't think the religious were oppressed in this country.

     Matt usually kept his views to himself but this time he blew up. He asked him how many times a gay or an atheist came to his house peddling his beliefs, how many hate crimes against heterosexuals committed by gays had he heard of, how many crosses had been burned on lawns or churches torched by atheists? "No" he said "those acts are reserved for the good Christians." He now thought maybe it would have been for the best if the Pilgrims had all starved that winter of 1620.

     At this point Frivolous came walking in, Matt hadn't seen him in nearly a week. He dropped his pack with a weary sigh and sat down next to him.

     "Homeward Bound, how are you sir?"

     "Doing well. You've been lagging behind."

     "Had a mild complaint." he tapped his knee, "So I holed up for a couple of days. What're you reading there?"

     Matt handed over the pamphlet and Frivolous laughed, "Hard up are you?"

     "Pretty much, I was sitting here reading it and getting all pissed off."

     "Oh come on this is one of the best comic books I've ever read. The ending is great, notice how when the students start asking the Hitler Youth how to be saved none of the black students are among them. Neither is the Asian kid. Anyone who falls for this is too gullible to worry about."

     "I agree they are gullible but that makes them easily lead, and there are a lot of them."

     "Yes but that's why we're out here isn't it buddy?" he clapped Matt on the knee.

     "Is that why you're out here? To escape the crazies?"

     "Of course not, well not entirely. This is your first time isn't it, do you know why, what is it you are looking for, if anything? I couldn't tell you why I decided to hike from Georgia to Maine, it seemed like fun when I read about it, which turned out not to be true."

     "If you don't like why do you keep coming back? This is voluntary is it not?"

     "Well I didn't say I hated it but fun isn't the word I'd use to describe what we do out here. Not mandatory but it is like a job. Maybe I did my first through hike because I was bored, retirement wasn't what I expected. The wife was getting on my nerves. I found that when I got back to civilian life the trail was always intruding on my thoughts. As I went through my divorce I would remember a sunny knob of rock or a fast running stream. I found myself at a deposition sketching a lean-to on the divorce papers." He shrugged.

     "What happened in 2008?" Matt asked looking at Frivolous's walking stick.

     "Both my parents died that year." he didn't elaborate and Matt didn't ask. "So what's your story and hurry I think I hear that loud mouth girl coming."

     "I think I hear her coming too, let's walk and talk." Frivolous answered by hoisting his pack. Over the next couple miles Matt told him the story of his life ending with the "Janis incident."

     "Why didn't you kill her?" asked Frivolous.

     "I don't know, maybe that' why I'm out here, to figure it out."

     "Do you wish you had? You don't seem like you do?"

     Matt thought for a while, Frivolous waited patiently. "No I don't seem that way do I? I think maybe I came out here to keep her alive. I met a man once who said he hiked the trail every year because he couldn't deal with being a civilian after he retired from the Marine Corp. Maybe I just can't deal with every day life without her. When I'm hiking alone or in my tent it's like she is there but without all the bad stuff. You know what I mean?" 

     Frivolous didn't respond at first so Matt turned to look at him. "My friend, you need to get laid." was what he said.

     "Ah the answer to all life's questions." Matt said

     "maybe we can hook you up with loudmouth back there." 

     "Oh my God, can you imagine how loud she'd be?" said Matt

     "I've got some ear plugs for protection against loud snorers." offered Frivolous. "of course there is the age old way of shutting up a woman during sex. My wife didn't go for that though." he mumbled as an after thought.

     "You think banging Picklepuss would make me forget my wife?"

      "Picklepuss? Where'd you come up with that one?"

     Matt told the story of the three pickle bet. "That was about a week ago, it's her trail name now. Fits her well I think."

     "I'd be willing to bet a mouth full of pickles didn't shut her up though, did it?" Matt just laughed and shook his head.

     They walked through the late April sunshine, things would be blooming soon. After a while Matt said, "I guess I didn't kill her because I didn't have the balls."

     "You really believe that?" 

     "I guess so. The pain got so bad it was the only thing I could think of to make it stop, but when I was there with the knife looking at her…." 

     "I still think you need to get laid." 

     Matt was annoyed and he let it show. "Maybe I'll fuck a waitress next town we come to."

     "Now your talkin'." said Frivolous

     "Is that how you handled your pain?" asked Matt

     "The only pain of separation I felt was the alimony  she separated from my wallet while she was still making bucco bucks in the real estate business. As for other women, I've had a few. Maybe I'll write a book about it, I'll call it 'Viagra nights."

     Matt snorted, "Really?"

     "The first one was a woman I met in a bar, it had been twenty three years and I was a little rusty. She tapped my finger and asked where the ring was, she'd seen the tan line where my wedding band had been. So I responded 'in the car with my Viagra."

     "You didn't say that?"

     "I did, and it worked too. Of course I don't think any line a man uses actually does any good. If she wants to she will and if not nothing a man says will make a bit of difference."

     Matt thought about that as he climbed the next mountain. Now that Frivolous had said it he couldn't remember ever successfully picking up a woman, they always came to him and when he pursued them they just brushed him off. Getting laid wasn't that big a deal, it didn't solve anything. The sex with Janis had been great right up to the point she booted him out. The only sex he'd had since the divorce had been with Maria, it was warm and comforting but he still felt the same after. His brother had asked him why he wasn't moving on and Matt couldn't answer him, even now a year after her death she still held his heart. The thing people didn't seem to understand was he didn't want to move on, or perhaps he wasn't ready yet. Matt wasn't sure which. It was easier to deal with on the march, the challenge of the mountains didn't take his mind off it but he could deal with it better.

     Matt needed a new train of thought, "You know we really don't get away from the crazies out here, the other day I was having lunch with a guy writing with the inside of a pen, he'd pulled out the guts and disposed of the outside. He claimed he did it to save pack weight. " Frivolous laughed and Matt asked, "Have you met Charlie the Can Man yet?"

     "You mean the guy with all the cans tied to his pack to scare away bears?"

     "Yup, that's him. Don't you think the smell would be more likely to attract a bear?"

     Frivolous laughed again , "I cut the handle off my tooth brush." he looked a little embarrassed as he said it.

     Yeah, crazy isn't reserved for the city or the religious." said Matt.

     Later that day they were approaching Davenport Gap, "I have to go into Newport for a mail drop, you wanna' come?" asked Matt

     "I was just in Gattlinberg, not quite ready for a town yet."

     "My friend told me to avoid that tourist trap."

     "Yes it's quite the little shit hole but it has many cheap amenities. Great brew pub in there and some good pie."

     "Pie?" asked Matt, you mean like apple or pumpkin?"

     "No, pizza you hick."

     "Oh. The only thing I knew about Gattlinberg is that's where Sue ran into his father."

     It was Frivolous's turn to say, "Huh?"

     "Johnny Cash ya' city slicker. A Boy Named Sue. It's a song."

     "I love that song." said Frivolous who started to sing in a nice tenor that didn't match a Johnny Cash song.

     They walked into the Davenport Gap shelter singing Folsum Prison Blues at the top of their lungs to find a boy scout troop setting up tents all over. It looked like a small city. "You know their not supposed to do that here." said Frivolous

     "Since when do boy scout leaders pay attention to the rules? Some of the worst messes I saw in Maine were caused by scout troops. My buddy Seth had a scout leader who smoked pot with them."

     "You know Newport doesn't sound so bad after all as long as you're making town tonight."

     " I was on the fence till now, feel like hiking in the dark? We might not get a ride." asked Matt

     "We have a lot of Cash to sing, haven't done Jackson yet."

     "Well you're singing the June Carter lines." said Matt.

     They did get a ride and got into town by 5:30, found a motel and got directions to a pizza parlor. When they arrived the place was overrun with children and their parents.  A large sweating black man in a sauce stained apron was working the counter and the ovens. Frivolous asked when they could get a pizza. 

     "Well it could be tonight or it could be never." 

     "You work here alone?" asked Matt

     "Well it appears that way doesn't it. My damnable help both quit on me today. Busiest fu…" he caught himself, "Big soccer tournament. The SOB's knew it too, wanted more money. I told them to go fu…, well you get the gist." he waved a flour coated hand in a dismissing way.

     "Want to help?" Frivolous asked Matt.

     "Sure." 

     "Well sir…" started Frivolous

     "I'm Silas."

     "Silas, when I was going to Columbia University I worked at a pizza shop for a guy named Antonio. He was a hot headed Italian who was always yelling…"

     "I don't need your life's story, you offering' to help?" said Silas

     "Uh, yes." said Frivolous

     "What do you want?" asked Silas

     "Excuse me?"

     "Pay. You want to be paid don't ya?" he slid a couple pies from the oven onto the wooden table.

     "Oh. How about some pizza for a couple hungry hikers?"

     "Thought so, could tell by the smell."  Matt smelled his armpits, Silas said to Frivolous "Apron's over there, you" pointing at Matt, "can you run the register and take orders?"

     "I'm on it."  said Matt

     So while Frivolous and Silas made pizza Matt took orders and made change. Mainers and Tenneseeans being two peoples separated by a common language Matt and the customers sometimes had trouble communicating but through a complicated series of gestures, eye movements, grunts and squeaks they managed to exchange information.  Players and parents came and went for two solid hours, Matt wrote orders on a yellow note pad, worked the cash register, wiped tables, and plunged the toilet once. In the kitchen Frivolous looked like a butcher, he seemed to be getting more sauce on himself than the pizzas. Flour and cheese covered the floor and table. Near the end the two were laughing at everything, Matt remembered those days from working at a diner on Verona Island. You bust your ass for so long exhaustion takes over and you get giddy and everything is funny. 

     "You boys having fun in there?" asked Matt

     Silas flung a couple pies on the table and Frivolous made four fast cuts, on a plate and Silas said, "just deliver them pies counter girl." A new round of laughter, Frivolous said, "He does a mean June Carter impersonation."

     "Drop dead." responded Matt

     Later the three of them sat in the silent restaurant feet propped up, a couple greasy pizza pans on the table amid the dozen or so empty beer cans.

     "You boys done nice work for Yankee hikers." said Silas as he lit a Swisher Sweet, "Smoke?" he offered the pack. Frivolous declined but Matt took one and a light, he leaned back and let the sweet tasting smoke stream from his lips. Silas smoked and bitched.  "Those motherfuckers tried to shake me down, both lucky I didn't kick the crap out of them. You boys heading back to the trail? I could use some help around here till I can hire someone."

     Matt breathed out a long stream of smoke, coughed, "Yup we're movin' on tomorrow. We'll help you clean up though."

     "Damn nice of you since you boys made most of the mess, let's get to it."

     They cleaned until 11:45 by which time both Matt and Frivolous were dropping from exhaustion, they had both put in about twenty miles of hiking besides the work. 

     Damn, it's been a while." said Frivolous as they stumbled into the night.

     "Which?" asked Silas, "Since you drank a shit load of beer or did an honest days work?" he locked the door and shuffled off to his car as Matt and Frivolous headed for their motel.

                                                      Chapter Four

      The next morning as they hitchhiked out of town a green Suburban stopped up ahead of them, when they got abreast of the truck they could see a backpack in the rear compartment.  The driver was a man named Conner Sampson, "call me Con." he said as they pulled away from the curb. Con was heading for the Deer Park Mountain shelter about thirty five miles north on the trail. As they hiked that day he told his story. About a year ago his wife Phil had been walking their dog who ran into the road after a cat. Phil chased the dog and both were killed by a car. Con went into a long drunken funk during which he lost his job and any will to live until one day when his mother in law literally slapped some sense back into him. 

     That very day he packed his truck and closed up the house then hit the road. He had no idea where he was going, just away. Con headed west to Montana and Idaho, the Rockies were beautiful but only made him miss Phil all the more as she had often spoken of seeing the west. He then headed south on the advice of a park ranger and went to Great Basin National Park, which he had never heard of. There he climbed 13,000 foot Wheeler Peak and sat beneath a glacier among the four thousand year old bristle cone pines the oldest living things on earth. Next he went to northern California where he got a job in a diner on the coast. In between flipping flap jacks and poaching eggs he surf fished and drank beer on the beach often sleeping in a lawn chair wrapped in a blanket. One such morning he woke to the slap of waves and a thought. Phil's birthday was coming up soon. For the second time in a year he left his home on a moments notice, he drove back to Virginia and opened his house, checked in with the in laws who were happy to see him.  He got something from them and headed for the trail.

     He had met his wife on the trail in '98 while on a through hike. One night in the Deer Park Mountain shelter there had been this woman, she was dirty and smelly like every one else but there was a beauty about her no amount of filth could hide. She was hiking for a week, and that was her trail name, "just for a week". Con's hike lasted exactly three more days, he followed her home to Vermont and they were married six months later. Both of them spent many happy days on the trail together, now he planned to say goodbye to her where they had met. Perhaps there among others who loved the trail the way she had he could gain some closure. 

     Frivolous asked if he planned to have some kind of service. "I hadn't thought about it but maybe that would be nice, something right after moonrise perhaps."

     The next day they hiked with Con for most of the day but he asked to be alone the last few miles so Matt and Frivolous hiked on ahead. Ever since Matt had heard Con's story that thing inside him had been active, it was impossible not to think of his own wife. Frivolous kept up a stream of conversation but what Matt wanted was to be alone with his thoughts. 

     "So Matt, given any more thought to getting laid?" No response.  "I admit that last town didn't present much opportunity. Silas didn't seem to be your type but some of those soccer moms were pretty cute. Once you dispose of the kids you've got it made 'cause they usually drive some sort of SUV, plenty of room in the back, get the skirt up and her feet propped on the headrest and you're home free. There was one little blonde with a green skirt hanging around the register quite a bit I recall."

     "Nah, she was a butter head." said Matt

     "What the Hell's a butter head?"

     "Every thing looks good but'er head." said Matt

     Frivolous walked a few paces then burst out laughing. Matt looked back at him, "Never heard that one before?"

     "Welcome back to the land of the living." he said.  "when we get to the shelter we should clean a little, gather some firewood maybe." 

     As they neared the shelter a familiar voice rose to meet them. "Oh shit she's here." said Frivolous.

     "Mattie Boy." yelled Honey as they entered the clearing. She ran over and gave him a big hug. "Where you been hiding Friv'" she asked

     "Around." he grunted and left to set up his tent.

     "Where are the boys?" asked Matt

     "Getting water." 

     Matt explained about what was going to happen this evening. Three other hikers were there and offered to keep a corner of the shelter open for Con. The hiker named Hot Flash suggested they have a communal dinner sort of thing and they all thought that was a good idea. Hot Flash took her trail name from the menopause she was currently going through. She was on a section hike north to Harper's  Ferry. Salt lick and Palmolive were heading south to Fontana Dam where their son would pick them up. Palmolive had gotten her moniker by forgetting to thoroughly rinse her dishes after washing and Salt Lick from a dog at a shelter who kept licking his sweaty legs. 

     Honey followed Matt to the tent sites, Frivolous gave him a dirty look when she wasn't looking and he just shrugged. She also wanted to follow them to the stream when they went to filter water but they talked her into cleaning the shelter instead.

     At the spring Nick and Buzz were filtering but it wasn't water, it was marijuana smoke through their lungs. Matt declined but Frivolous gladly took a couple tokes while Matt explained about the evening.

     "Sounds cool." said Nick

     "What about her?" asked Frivolous gesturing towards the shelter where they could here Honey bossing the other three hikers around. 

     "What about her." said Nick and walked back towards the shelter.

     "It's OK," said Buzz. "We had a little problem at a shelter last night, this guy told Honey to shut her mouth and Nick took exception. He's a little protective."

     "Good to know." said Frivolous. "I nearly said something a time or two myself." he was thinking about Nick's deep chest and burly arms.

     Buzz raised his hands palms out, "I know, I've lived with her most of my life. I'll talk to her."

     Just before dark they all met at the shelter, AT shelters are generally made out of materials available at the site though the roof is usually brought in from outside.  This one was a log structure with a stone foundation and a corrugated tin roof. There was a five foot wide doorway that tonight was lit by three headlamps hanging on nails. The inside was illuminated by several candles and on the sleeping platform was laid out a buffet of hiker food. There was instant stuffing, rehydrated potatoes, the ever present noodles, apple slices [fresh fruit and vegetables are highly prized on the trail], gorp, which is a mixture of peanuts, raisins, and M&Ms, and a couple of Snickers bars sliced up for desert. 

     As they ate and talked around the fire a nearly full moon rose to shine down through the trees. Honey was subdued, Matt was reminded of Tigger from the Whinnie the Pooh stories when the other stuffed animals held an intervention to get him to stop bouncing on their heads. Despite the relief from her constant blabber he was a little sad, he had grown to like her lack of self consciousness which was a sharp contrast to his own personality. Con was silent through the meal sitting at the edge of the firelight smiling and laughing quietly. When the meal was finished he rose and went into the shelter, he returned with a small paper sack, from it he took an urn and set it by the fire. Light flickered on eight faces some looking down, some at Con, Nick picked at his boot laces. 

     "These are the remains of my wife, everyone called her Phil but her real name was Philomena which is Greek for worshiper of the moon. When I graduated from college I decided to do a through hike, on my way north I stopped here for the night and met Phil. I quit the trail and followed her home and we were married later that summer. She was hit by a car and killed last year. I haven't been well since then. I've seen a lot of the country but it's seemed like a waking dream. I decided a month ago  it was time to stop wandering and put her to rest. A little farther up the trail there is an old cemetery and that is where I will say goodbye, you are all invited to attend. If anyone else wants to speak perhaps remember someone who is gone please feel free. Con glanced at Matt who looked at Frivolous who turned his head away and coughed.

     "Can I say something Con?" asked Honey. One sector of the gathering grew tense.

     "Of course you can." said Con

      She stood up the wind making moon shadows dance across her face in contrast to the orange flicker of the flames. "My name is Honey and that's my real name, my trail name is Picklepuss because of a bet I won Aint that right Mattie Boy?" Matt smiled and nodded.  "My mom and dad died when I was eight after that I was sent from foster home to foster home. Calling them homes is total bull shit because I never felt at home there and sometimes I was abused, one old bastard raped me when I was twelve."

     She paused to wipe her eyes. Matt noticed that Buzz was smiling and nodding for her to go on, Nick was wiping tears from his cheeks.

     "My boys found out," she gestured to her friends. "and Nick wanted to kill the creep but Buzz talked him into hiding me in the woods at our secret fort.  They kept me out there for a month bringing me food and clothing. I don't know how they didn't get caught."

      Nick said, "One day mom caught me washing some of your clothes,  she never said a word."

     "They convinced their parents to take me in, I don't know how, I'm a big mouth and don't watch what I say, I eat like a pig, nobody likes me. But they did convince them and ever since I've been living with one or the other. I know what you're all thinking but it's not true, we've known each other since we were in diapers, they're my buds, my boys. Nick makes fun of me for not having boy friends and I don't think he's trying to be mean, Buzz understands, don't you Buzzie Boy?" Buzz nodded.  She kicked Nicks boot, "I can't look at a boy that way since he did that to me. Well I guess I'm done. Sorry." she plopped down between her boys, Buzz put his arms around her while she finished crying. Nick picked at his bootlace some more. 

     Hot Flash moved over next to them and put her hand on Honey's knee, "that was very brave, thank you for sharing."

     Palmolive said "I was going to talk about losing my cat Chester but I don't think so now."

     Honey laughed and a big snot bubble blew out of her nose.  "Oh for Christ's sake." said Buzz wiping at his sleeve.

     "You big baby, I didn't get any on you." said Honey

     Nick was laughing, "That's what you get Mr. Sensitive, 'oh I'll comfort you' hah your new trail name is mucous sleeve."

     "This is why I came out here." said Con.  Honey started to apologize but he stopped her. "I'm serious, this is what we loved. Look around, what better way to say goodbye than here with hikers? I didn't want to be sad, I've had a long lonely year of that, I wanted to feel the camaraderie of the trail, to be around people who loved what we did.. Coming with me?" she nodded and went to give him a hug, he backed up a step, "Wipe your nose."  She swiped her face across her sleeve and he backed up another step, "I think I'll pass on the hug for now Honey."

     Everyone came to the ceremony, they passed up the trail on the moonlit path. A short walk brought them to the ancient burial grounds. The families who interred their loved ones here were long gone moved or displaced as so many were when the southern Appalachians were turned into parks. Con dug a small hole at the edge of the cemetery and placed the urn therein. He then spoke from memory one of Philomena's favorite poems:

                   

                                                          I sit beside the fire and think

                                                              of all that I have seen

                                                          of meadow-flowers and butterflies

                                                               in summers that have been;

                                                          Of yellow leaves and gossamer

                                                               in autumns that there were

                                                          with morning mist and silver sun

                                                               and wind upon my hair.

                                                           I sit beside the fire and think

                                                               of how the world will be

                                                          when winter comes without a spring 

                                                               that I shall ever see

                                                          I sit beside the fire and think

                                                               of people long ago

                                                          and people who will see a world 

                                                               that I shall never know

   

     "Wow, did you write that?" asked Honey

     "No, that's Bilbo's song from the Lord Of The Rings."

     "I don't remember that and I saw those movies about ten times. said Honey.

     "It wasn't in the movies." said Buzz

     "Then where was it?"

     "They have this new invention called books," said Nick, "I think it was in there."

     "You've never read Tolkien?" asked Con, "Well you're in for a treat I have the Fellowship of the Ring in my pack. I want you to have it, it was Phil's, she'd be happy to know it was on the trail. "

     "Your wasting your time Con, Honey has an aversion to books." said Buzz

     "Mind your own bees-wax A-hole, I'd love to read it."

     "Good." said Con, "When you finish it just leave it at a shelter for another hiker, I'd love to think of her book passing up and down the trail."

     As they walked back to the shelter Con and Honey discussed Tolkien.

     "If you are going by the movies you may be a little surprised." said Con

     "Yah, I've noticed that books made from movies usually aren't as good."

     "On the contrary most movies don't live up to the printed word. Peter Jackson was a hack who ruined Tolkien's  work, he doesn't understand the difference between dramatic and melodramatic."

     "What do you mean?" she asked

     "Well have you seen poetry recited?" she nodded yes,  " Who do you find more powerful a reader who forces  emotion into the piece or one who lets the text carry the recital?"

     "I think what you recited tonight was the most beautiful thing I've ever heard."

     "Would it have been improved by my strutting around, voice rising and falling?"

      "No, I think that would have ruined it."

     "That's the difference. The books are quite beautiful, I hope you enjoy them."

     The next morning Matt asked Con, "So what's next?"

     "I don't know. Maybe Alaska."

     They shook hands and Con headed south back to his truck along with Salt Lick and Palmolive while everyone else headed north. When Matt came to the graveyard he stopped for a while. He remembered the day of Janis's funeral at Mount Hope Cemetery in Bangor. It had rained that day. Frivolous came up behind him as he stood.

     "You know Con and Phil could have been Janis and I, we did a lot of hiking. We drifted apart and stopped seeking the wilderness together. You know Con still had his love at the end. I have to live with the memory of her hating me."

     "Did she hate you?" asked Frivolous

     "If she didn't she sure did a great impression of someone who did."  They began to walk. "You should see the place where she is buried, the cemetery is as big as a small town, monuments that would have made the Pharaohs jealous. There was a time I know she would have preferred the grave site we just left, that is the woman I'm mourning.  I've been missing her for a lot longer than I thought.  I'm just beginning to realize that now."

     "I envy your passion my friend." said Frivolous

     Matt was surprised, "Passion? I doubt anyone has ever said that about me. You think just because I can't get over a woman that I'm passionate?"

     "Yes I do. Personally I can't seem to care about anything more than a pint of stout and the next pair of titties to bounce in front of me. You may be moping your way north but there is something inside that you care about. Some day I think you will find something alive and vibrant to transfer that caring to."

                                                              Chapter Five

     Damascus. To Matt that name brought to mind sand dunes, oasis's, and images of Peter O'Toole in flowing white robes. There were no sand dunes, camels, or Europeans playing Arabs just a lot of trees and and mountains separated by rivers.  Damascus is the most famous of the trail towns, the site of a huge Trail Days celebration in the middle of May every year. He was going to miss it by two weeks but he wasn't about to stop now nearly five hundred miles into his hike.

     Matt would be happy to make town, his supplies were getting low, the mosquitos were atrocious, and he had developed a rash on his thighs. A shower and a soft bed sounded like heaven.  He asked around for a nice place to stay and was directed to the Damascus Old Mill, an Inn/restaurant perched on the edge of an old mill stream complete with a dam below the deck. When he strolled in there were a couple women fishing the pool below the dam. "Very Currier and Ives" thought Matt.  His room was a little too pretty for his taste full of fragile looking antiques he wouldn't dream of setting his pack down on.  He carefully settled in and showered then went down to the restaurant.

     He settled in at a dark wooden, heavily shellacked bar and ordered a beer, shrimp remoulade and Deb's Nearly World Famous Meatloaf for an entree. The bartender confirmed Matt's suspicions that hiker usually didn't patronize the Inn, way too pricey. It was only 3:00 when he finished so he got directions to the post office. 

     It was always strange to see a box so far from home with his hand writing on the label. The boxes had been assembled in the deep darkness of a Maine winter now coming to light here in a southern spring. He imagined the reverse journey the box had made to meet him here.  He decided to take the box back to his room to open it, he'd had enough of the outdoors lately. 

     Matt found the usual supplies, food, matches, socks, but he also found two unexpected items. The first was an ipod sent by Maria with a letter explaining how to use it. She knew how technologically inept he was. She also told him to send it back next mail drop so she could recharge the batteries, another ipod would be in that box so he wouldn't be without music. Matt was very pleased by this, one of the hardest things about long distance hiking was tedium. The uninitiated think it's a never ending vista of mountain views, the truth is the trail is mostly hiking in tree cover with very little to see, besides even breathtaking views get mundane after a while. So boredom creeps into your head and acts like molasses, the littlest thing can stick there. A few days ago some damn brat had been singing that old song "Red Rubber Ball" and it had been bouncing around in Matt's skull ever since. The sensory deprivation of the woods makes it hard to drive such intruders out.  

     Matt played with his new toy for an hour figuring out how to access the music and found a short video Maria had shot of people standing in a snow squall waiting to get an ice cream. People in Bucksport Maine don't let a little thing like snow keep them from opening day at Wahl's Dairy Port. He laughed remembering the times he had stood in cold drizzle or snow for the first soft serve strawberry sunday of the "summer." Whoever decided that spring began in April surely wasn't from Maine.

     The other unexpected item was a letter from his sister Katie. It had been sent to his house and forwarded by Maria. He had forgotten about the post cards he'd mailed back in Franklin thinking nothing would come of them. He didn't open it for a while just let it sit on the dresser like a draft notice or something. When he did open it a photo of Katie and her family fell out. Katie had put on weight.

                                  Dear Matt,  Wonderful to hear from you, how surprising to find you were on the  Apilachian Trail. I remember how when we were kids you always said you wanted  to do it and mom said you were crazy. We read the card to the kids and they had million questions about what the AT was and where it is. You know Jason and I aren't much for the outdoors so we went online and they read about it there. Ashley turns twelve in July and now she wants a backpack for her birthday.  She made me buy some maps for PA 'cause the trail runs through an hour or so  from here.  I guess you'll be coming through here soon, maybe we can visit, we haven't seen you in two years. If you ever get to a town call and we'll come get you. I remember when you and father would go camping and mom would bitch.  Matt I hope you are well, we were all so sorry about Janis. I hope you call soon it's been too long.

                                               Love Katie

     She misspelled Appalachian, and she's a school teacher. Well at least she doesn't teach English. So sorry about Janis? No one from his family came for the funeral or to help him at the time of the divorce. Matt didn't think it was out of malice, it's just the way his family is. Her memory wasn't very good either it's been four years since they had seen each other. He had gone to PA for the birth of her youngest son," now what was his name? Sam, that was it."  Harold was the older one, thank God he got named after father, Matt wouldn't want to go around being called Harry. Matt would have to drop a line to Maria and ask her to send Katie's number.

    Yes mom had bitched about the camping trips, she bitched before they left, bitched when they got home, and probably bitched the whole time they were gone but at least they didn't have to hear about it then. Father just ignored her but Matt walked on egg shells when Jenny was on the prod, she figured it was her duty to nag some sense into her wayward men. Woe be it to Matt if he "gave her a look" or commented, then she would give him a whack with whatever was handy. She didn't hit to maim just to make a point, the point being , "shut up when I'm bitching." After a good whack Matt would cede the floor to mom and go find his friends who were always eager to hear about his adventures. They were all city boys who rarely left the comfort of civilization. One year he took Chris Shelby to Maine with him and  when they went fishing on this little stream near his grandparents Chris nearly had an anxiety attack because there weren't any houses in sight.  Matt's cousins ragged Chris mercilessly because of it and he never asked to go to Maine again.

     Matt didn't sleep well in his antique bed with the hand made quilts, he felt kind of lonely in the Inn by the mill dam. This was the kind of place Janis would have liked after she started to move up at the bank. When they met she had been a teller. When they travelled then she was happy just for the experience and they stayed in whatever flea bag they could afford. They slept on hard beds or mattresses so soft they caved in on the sides and tossed you on the floor if they strayed too far to the outside. Rooms with no heat, terrible tv reception, neon light shining in the window all night, but they were traveling, together, having fun. Later when she made Vice President it had to be places like this Inn so she could brag about the decor to the other VPs.

     He mailed a letter to his sister and one to Maria thanking her for the ipod. Now was the time he should be heading back to the trail but a strange inertia came over him. He sat on a bench and thought about his journey thus far. Frivolous' question came back to him, why was he doing this? He had hiked for nearly a month, Janis wasn't fading away if that's what he had hoped for. If anything her presence was stronger.  If he quit now what was he going to do? Go home and sit with the ghosts?  He put on the ipod and hit shuffle which he had found chose songs randomly. The first song that played was Ripple by the Grateful Dead, Matt never liked the Dead  but the lyrics seemed to be speaking to him personally…" there is a road, no simple highway…that path is for your steps alone.." and it finished with, "If I knew the way I would take you home." That is what Matt was searching for…home. He'd been seeking it ever since he left his parents house. He had moved to Maine thinking that would be home, but it wasn't, it was just more life. He thought Janis was his home only to find that wasn't true. He had been seeking something external when perhaps what he needed was something internal. 

     A hand clamped down on his shoulder startling him out of his reverie, he ripped the ear buds off, a smelly bearded man smiled down at him as if expecting to be recognized. He was a hiker, the smell gave that away, then the man asked, "Are you Homeward Bound?" When Matt answered "Yes" he said "We made a fire out of a bee's nest back in Georgia, remember?"

     He did remember and was surprised to see him again, there was considerably less of the man now.

     "I bet you didn't think you would see me again did you?" 

     "No I confess I didn't, where is your wife?"

     "She quit the trail a week later, one day she said she needed to go home and I found myself saying I was going on. She was angry and didn't speak to me for two days, then one morning I woke to hear her crying, she was ashamed to be quitting so soon. Now she's home supporting my hike."

     "That was a hornet's nest we made that fire with." said Matt

     "Keep that to yourself, I've been calling myself Beehive ever since."

     

     He and Matt passed stories for an hour before heading back to the trail together. As they walked Matt found that Beehive was a "born again" which is someone who has a life altering experience and then spends his remaining days annoying everyone around him about it. When Matt was a kid he had found the best way to get rid of a deer fly that was buzzing his head was to hold his head near the family dog and the fly would buzz the dog instead.  Now he was hoping for another hiker to come along. Beehive went on about the joys of campfires and how good he had become at setting up his tent, loading his pack, treating blisters, the many new noodle recipes he had concocted, but mostly he went on about how this hike was saving his marriage.

     Up ahead a figure hove into site but it turned out to be Frivolous.  Matt didn't feel right about transferring this buzzing fly to him but he could share. Matt made the re-introductions, Frivolous had met Beehive back on the first day of their hike when he was a couple and not interested in boring the other hikers. Soon Beehive started talking about the noodles he would cook that evening and how his wife would have been so proud of his ingenuity for fixing the hole in his tent….this went on for a couple miles until another hiker took over. Matt and Frivolous found an excuse to drop back.

     "I hope his wife is taking it up the ass from the mailman right this minute." said Frivolous

     "I hope he gives her the clap too." said Matt  "Jesus , if I ever mention my wife again break that stick over my head." 

     "Let's sic Honey on him, they're not too far ahead." said Frivolous

     "It'll be good to see them." said Matt

     "You've taken a liking to her haven't you?"

     "She grows on you."

     "So do warts."

     "Maybe, but when she's around I find it hard to feel sorry for myself."

                                                            Chapter Six

     Virginia has four hundred sixty miles of trail the most of any of the thirteen states across which the AT ambles. Matt figured a month to cross the Old Dominion  then he would be in Pennsylvania and….then what? A meeting with his sister Katie he supposed. Most of what he remembered about his sister came from childhood. He had gone to her wedding, the husband, Jason, seemed like a good guy. He owned a restaurant that Matt had never been to. What he knew about the kids could be written on a post-it note. 

     Matt was seven years older than his sister and as kids he hadn't been the over protective brother. Sometimes one of the neighborhood boys would take to hanging around to which Katie would respond by pounding the would be suitor around the head and shoulders. When the kid would raise a hand to defend himself Matt would just say "don't you hit my sister." All the kid had to do was go home but they never did. There was an important life lesson there somewhere but it escaped Matt.

      Katie taught high school science which made Matt laugh because of all the grief he and his friends had caused their science teacher an old lady named Mrs. Leighton. They had run that poor woman ragged for nearly four years, Matt and his friends had all decided to descend on her classes because they knew they could get away with murder with her. Anything could happen in her class and she would do nothing about it because as Matt figured out later she truly wanted to teach them. While Mrs. Leighton was writing on the board one of Matt's friends would begin singing the song "Sixteen Tons" and before you knew it the whole class was in full voice, or she would turn around to face the class to explain some theorem on the chalk board to find half the class doing headstands on the big wooden science tables. Someone planted pot seeds in one of her terrariums and one day in a moment of insanity she decided to use Matt's class to help rearrange the room. While the poor old lady was whirling around trying to direct the energies of twenty five teenagers three filing cabinets ended up out the door and down the hall to find a home in the boys bathroom. 

     All this went on until one day Mrs. Leighton wasn't in class, they had a substitute for two weeks. The poor young thing had no idea what was going on. Most of the class showed up ten minutes late and stoned every day and when she asked where they had been the response was a ripple of giggles that soon turned into a tsunami while the young lady sat behind her desk looking perplexed.  When Mrs. Leighton returned she was subdued, no matter what they tried to do to get a rise out of her she didn't respond.  Then one day Matt over heard two teachers talking in the parking lot, Mr. Leighton had died.  The next day before school, Matt told his friends what he had heard, Michael Dooling who was reputed to be the toughest SOB in the school  said "No one gives her any more shit." That day there was a bald spot in the flower garden in front of the school and a beaker of posies on Mrs. Leighton's desk. The beaker was "borrowed" from another science room. 

     "What i wouldn't give for a thick juicy steak right now." Nick was obsessing about his diet again.

     "Well if you'd eat something besides that white rice maybe your taste buds wouldn't have committed suicide." said Buzz.

     Honey was in the shelter reading a book when Matt and Frivolous hiked into camp. It was the first time he'd seen her so quiet. "What's up with her?" he asked

     "Tolkien, it's really got her hooked." said Buzz

     "Hey guys." she waved with the book.

     Frivolous went inside, "You really like that huh?"

     "Oh man, it's great, I can't wait to start reading every day."

     "My dad read it to me every night before bed when I was ten," said Frivolous,  "I used to nod off to dream of Orcs and Elves. Now when I read it I hear his voice."

     A squirrel grabbed some peanuts that had dropped on the ground and scrambled up a tree. "I'd eat that squirrel if I could catch him." said Nick. Buzz offered some ramen noodles which were rejected.

     "I'll tell you what" said Matt, "next town I'll buy us all a steak dinner, my treat."

     That brought Honey out of her Tolkien born silence, "Really? Oh man I can't wait, can I have corn and potatoes?"

     "It would depend on the restaurant I suppose, but you can have whatever you want and as much."

     "Holy shit Matt you don't know what you're getting yourself into, she nearly bankrupted my parents the last six years." said Nick

     Honey threw a pine cone at him, "Drop dead you boner."

     "Did you guys hear about the poker tournament tonight?" asked Nick

     "Strictly high stakes," said Buzz  "These two guys hike from here to Pearsburg and have a poker game every night, they've got a five man tent set up back there." he gestured out behind the shelter.

    "I'm totally playing." said Honey

     Matt didn't play poker but he found himself excited at the thought, boredom was a constant problem on the trail, something to look forward to was a good thing. Matt's card playing history was mainly getting his ass kicked by his Grandmother Cynthia at rummy 500. Cynthia never let up on him to make him feel better, if Matt made a mistake she would sweep up the cards with a cackle and tell him how many points he'd just spoon fed her. When he managed to win a game he would trumpet it for days and avoid a rematch as long as he could. In the summer they would sometimes have marathons that would last till dawn, usually these games coincided with the Red Sox west coast trips in August with games that started at ten thirty. Cynthia insisted that baseball was meant to be listened to, so the radio was the medium for Sox following. Matt always argued but she was right baseball lends itself to the imagination unlike say football with it's battle like jumbled masses straining against each other or hockey and basketball with it's fluid action, to imagine those sports you would need a mind like Einstein or Vincent van Gogh. Later in life when he and his wife had ventured into the wilderness a radio had always accompanied them. Many a night ended with them in their tent while the tones of Red Sox baseball flowed around them, again, the other sports did not translate to such a setting.  As the straights and trios were laid down the sultry summer air flowed through the windows, moths banged against the screens wanting they knew not what, and all around them the hum of Red Sox baseball narrated by Ken Coleman and Joe Castiglione. Cynthia called Coleman "my boy" , he had replaced Curt Gowdy back in the '60s and soon become an icon in Boston. Matt always laughed at his signature line, when someone hit a home run Coleman would say "they usually show a movie on a flight that long." He and Cynthia had watched the 1986 Worlds Series with the volume off on the TV and the radio on. When the Sox lost Matt was inconsolable, he refused to go to school the next day, after the last out of game seven Cynthia silently rose from her rocker and went to bed. She never spoke of it again. She died in 1997 still waiting for that championship she never saw.  She was on Matt's mind when the Sox finally won, the next spring he placed a 2004 World Champs plaque on her grave. 

     The poker tent was shining bright against the dark woods at 6:00 when Matt and Frivolous arrived.  A sign hung over the door that read  "The Great Knot Maul to Wapiti -White Blaze High Stakes Poker Tournament- No Slack Packers"

     There were ten hikers in the tent and Matt was sure there were no slack packers, a slack packer was a hiker who hired someone to carry their gear to the campsite every night. The two hosts were attired like old time card dealers with visors and garters on their sleeves. Their names were "Ace High" and "Full House" taken from the winning hands in the first two tournaments. Their real names were Robert and Samuel Saunders, brothers who owned a mountain biking business in Taos New Mexico.  There was no money at stake just pride of victory, ESPN had yet to pick up the option on their game but the brothers were hopeful for 2012. 

     The tent was split into two games of five. Matt won a couple early hands then began to lose badly.  Honey was doing well, her non stop banter seemed to throw off the other players. One pot grew quite large with Honey and a hiker named Grits and Gravy continually raising, when Honey won the hand with a full house, sevens over threes, she yelled out, "Put that in your colon and fart it." , which brought the house down. She then got in a lively argument about music which caused Nick to quip from the other game, "Honey thinks David Bowie was at the Alamo."

     The game slowly petered out with players dropping  due to exhaustion or lack of chips, Honey was the overall winner which Matt knew would make her impossible the next day. He would make sure not to hike with her. The game would resume at 6:00 pm nineteen miles north at the Jenkins Shelter. It was past midnight but Matt wasn't tired, tonight had been so much fun. Too much of his journey had seemed to revolve around sadness, his own or others like Con who came to bury his wife, this was so much better. Matt lay in his tent remembering Janis but they weren't sad memories.

     The next morning Matt and Frivolous were having a snack at a stream crossing. "I can't believe I lost to that fucking loud mouthed girl." said Frivolous. "and the rules for overall champ are pretty vague." 

     Matt was laughing, "Taking it a bit serious aren't you? No one will ever know you lost to an eighteen year old who thinks David Bowie died at the Alamo. Maybe Peter Frampton was there too, I'll have to ask her." 

     "They have a website dedicated to the tournament with pictures and everything, I'll never live it down." Matt laughed even louder and Frivolous threw a stone into the pool splashing Matt, "They'll never let me in the Mirage again," he threw another stone as Matt laughed even louder, "Hell I won't be able to get into any casino in Vegas after this." 

     "You've got three days to get your revenge, and stop splashing me you ass hole." Matt slapped some water Frivolous's way. 

     Honey and the boys came along just then and Honey shed her pack and canon balled into the water soaking both of them. She came up spluttering and said, "You guys are a little old for water sports."

     "I'll show you who's old you brat." Frivolous jumped in and dunked her under, when he allowed her back up Matt asked "Hey Honey was Peter Frampton at the Alamo too?"

     "What? Sometimes you say the weirdest shit Mattie Boy."

     As they left the pool Matt heard Honey ask Buzz who Peter Frampton was, "Some old rock 'n' roller." he said. Frivolous started singing "Do you feel like we do" and Matt was glad he had an ipod.

     The second round of poker started at precisely six or so. It was raining heavily by seven and the crowded tent became quite humid, two new players had joined making it two games of six. Someone made the suggestion to move the game into the shelter since everyone was playing. The reason for the tent was that in the first year there had been objections to the all night games keeping non-players awake. Chips cards and players were wrapped in nylon and everyone dashed for the shelter. Matt once again played poorly and became an early spectator sitting in the corner dozing and listening to the action in a dream like state. The rain drummed on the tin roof and thunder crashed in the distance, flashbulbs of lightening created photos for the mind.

     

     Frivolous was getting his revenge on Honey, her luck of the draw receded as the more talented crested, she soon joined Matt in the corner falling asleep on his shoulder. He shifted his arm around her and she snuggled into his chest, he brushed a wet lock off his face. He fell asleep to dream of Janis and she was pregnant, both families were there and father was smiling. They had a little girl who's hair tickled Matt's nose when he hugged her. The dream was so vivid that he had a hard time waking from it, hair was tickling his nose but it was Honey's, Buzz was trying to wake her but she sleepily waved a hand at him. 

     "She's OK for now." said Matt, "How's the game going?"

     "Nick has a chance but I'm crapped out. Frivolous is on fire tonight, that guy Trailbreaker is a little irate with him."

     "Really? How come?"

     "Frivolous is gloating too much, I know he was pissed about losing to Honey but he's being obnoxious."

     From the game came, "You fucking bastard."

     "Smile when you call me that." said Frivolous quoting from the Virginian.

     "I'll show you a fucking smile."  He lunged across the game scattering chips and players grabbing Frivolous by the shirt. An AT shelter is a cramped place in the best of times but when a scuffle breaks out it loses space in a hurry. They rolled over cursing and a boot caught Honey in the stomach, Matt saw it all in slow motion one Saunders brother exited stage right the other threw himself over to pot to save his game, he must have been winning. Honey carried herself well for being asleep a moment ago she grabbed the offending boot and chomped down on the connected calf. Unfortunately it was Frivolous who had enough to contend with. He shook off Honey who was grabbed by Nick and dragged out into the rain, "Nobody kicks me God damn it." she was yelling. Frivolous rose to meet his attacker forgetting where he was and cracked his melon a good one on the ceiling, he went down holding his head, "shit, shit, mother fucking shit." All Matt could do was laugh which only incensed the guy even more, he came at Frivolous again only to be stopped in his tracks by a face full of muddy leaves thrown by Honey. Buzz all the while was trying to reason with him but when he cursed at Honey Nick flung him ass over teakettle into the mud. That brought Matt out of his laughing fit, he and Buzz got in between them and calmed things down. Matt had seen murder on Nick's face, or at least a severe beating. 

     "How's your head?" Matt asked Frivolous the next morning.

     "Hurts a little, you got some vitamin I? I forgot to get some at the last town, my knees have been sore." Matt dug through his pack for the precious drug that allowed many hikers to carry on - ibuprofin, affectionately known as vitamin I. The constant pounding of carrying 30 to 50 pounds up and down mountains day after day took it's toll on the body. The lighter the pack the better and trekking poles are a must. Matt always thought they looked stupid as if the hiker didn't know they weren't cross country skiing, but that was many moons ago when Matt and his knees were much younger. The duel poles absorb much of the shock of going downhill and give an extra boost on the ascent. Matt gave Frivolous a dozen brown pills.

     "Thank you doctor Matt"

     "How's the leg?

     "Fine she didn't break the skin, a little sore though."

     "I've seen her eat you're lucky you have a leg left.."

     Frivolous shook his head, "You know she would have tackled that guy for attacking me, is she crazy?"

     "No, I think she has so little to hold on to that she takes whatever she can get. Did you see the look on her face when you told her about your dad reading Tolkien to you? Face it buddy, you've been adopted."

   

     The tournament was resumed at the jenny Knob Shelter sans Trailbreaker who was not seen all day. His seat was taken by Hotflash who had taken a zero day to allow the game to catch up to her. Several hikers were sleeping in the shelter so the game was played in the tent. Last night's fracas was forgotten as the cards slid and the chips changed hands. Matt played better this night and stayed in the game to the wee hours. Honey had a chance at the end but blew it on an ill advised bet on a pair of sevens, and Ace High took the day. Hotflash had cheered on Honey till the end. Most hikers looked terrible and smelled even worse but not her. She showed up neat and pretty with  red lipstick and fresh as a daisy. She said her aunt Bea  had taught her how to be a lady no matter the circumstances. She now gave Matt a wink as she went off to her tent. Frivolous whispered in Matt's ear, "there you go buddy she's been eyeballing you all night."  Matt ignored him so Frivolous said, "Shit , if you don't I will."

     As it turned out neither of them did anything that night but the next day Matt found himself hiking with Hotflash and she told her story. She had run her own real estate business for twenty years and one day she realized she was doing it mostly for the benefit of others. She took good care of her employees and family but not herself so much. When she started going through menopause she decided it was time for herself, she closed the business which wasn't doing so well anyhow, and sat at home trying to decide what was next. A friend decided a retreat of some sort but she'd had enough of the corporate type bull shit. An old boyfriend used to wear an Appalachian Trail shirt all the time so she did some research and it seemed like the perfect place to figure out where she was going and what to do when she got there. 

     "Well, have you figured it out yet?" asked Matt

     "No to tell you the truth I haven't really given it any thought, I've been enjoying the peaceful nature of hiking so much I haven't wanted to think about it. "

     "Then your hike has been a success I'd say."

     They were crossing a stream and she had an evil grin on her face, "I bet there is a nice secluded pool somewhere down stream, let's go swimming." Somewhere he could hear Frivolous laughing. They hid their packs in some bushes and picked their way along the bank till they found a delicious looking pool. Matt stripped down to his underpants and slid into the water, Hotflash soon followed only she hadn't bothered to wear anything. She dunked under and came up streaming water from her auburn hair. She pressed against Matt and kissed him hard on the mouth, her breasts were cool and firm under his hands. "Frivolous tried to get me to follow you home last night."  "You should have listened to him." she said.  She kissed him again and soon his Fruit of the Looms were floating off down stream, they made love on a rock in mid stream with the water flowing over them. 

     Dressed and dry she teased him as they regained the trail, "If you weren't so shy you wouldn't have lost your undies." She squeezed his ass and headed up the path.

     The penultimate game was held at the Wapiti Shelter, the crowded tent shook and roared with laughter and insults during rain then moonlight, rain again, and finally a strange watery light that someone identified as the sun.

     Frivolous looked at Hotflash as he spoke softly to Matt, "She has the look of a satisfied woman, now I wonder what did that? I know it wasn't you or I would have heard the tent rustling." 

     "Shows what you know  tents aren't the only place where satisfaction takes place."

     "Give me an example."

     "Oh I've heard it can happen just about anywhere, say on a rock by a stream or some such place."  Frivolous was so pleased he forgot to be mad at Honey for winning the hand. "Hot damn" he said

"Hey I'm right over here assholes." The two men suddenly paid closer attention to their hands, "I'll take two." said Frivolous, "three" said Matt.  Honey was red in the face but said "Way to go Mattie Boy." Hotflash was looking across the tent at him with squinted eyes and a small smile, when he looked her way she wrinkled her nose at him which made his insides flip. 

     Honey and Ace High had each won a night with one draw, tonight Frivolous held forth and it was decided one three way hand would decide the champ. Tension was high in the room, Vegas had nothing to match this for drama, or smell. They would all be glad to vacate the crowded odorous tent, but no one was moving till it was over.  After the deal Ace High took two cards, Honey three and Frivolous two.  No skill needed here just luck, it was too late to play it out properly. 

     Ace High laid down a pair of sevens, Frivolous smiled like a cat as he fanned out three tens and looked at Honey. Honey just shook her head sadly and lay her cards down one at a time, first a deuce then another, next a five followed by another five. She held the last card next to her right eye and Matt divined the card and began to laugh, she flipped around the card….another five.  Buzz and Nick tackled her and pounded her about the back and shoulders while she yelled, "I fucking won." over and over. 

     Frivolous just shook his head and grinned, "I'm taking her to Vegas and bankrolling her." The brothers made her pose for a photo with her winning hand. 

     "Who's for breakfast?" asked Nick

     "I'm too tired to eat." said Buzz

     "I won, I won, I won." said Honey bouncing up and down on her toes. "Hey Mattie Boy did you see that third five? Wasn't it the most beautiful thing you ever saw?"

     "Yes it was darling. I'm going to eat and hit the trail, no way I can sleep now."  Hotflash went by, "My place or yours big boy?"

     "Hee, hee, Mattie's Got a date." said Honey

     Nick was lighting his stove, "Be careful." 

     "If you can't be careful name it after me." said Buzz

     That evening Buzz, Nick , Honey, Frivolous, and Matt were in Pearsburg at Charlie's Restaurant, it was time for Matt to keep his promise of a steak dinner. Frivolous offered to get his own but Matt insisted on paying.  Ace High and Full House were at another table, they dragged their chairs and plates over to join them.

     "How come Hotflash didn't come to town?" asked Honey

     "She said after all the excitement she needed time to reflect." said Matt

     "Reflect on what?" asked Nick, "whether there are any real men up the trail?"

     "Hey that's mean Nick. I'm sure Mattie Boy gave her the old 'high hard one' ." said Honey

     Frivolous was choking on his Diet Pepsi. Buzz began to speak but Matt cut him off, "I haven't paid for this meal yet shit head."  Buzz held his hands palms out, "OK"

     Honey ate two steaks a baked potato and three ears of corn then let out a Tarzan belch and asked for the desert menu. "I warned you" said Nick

    "My wife left me half a million so I think I can afford it." said Matt. "Besides where else could I get a show like this?"   "Amen" said Frivolous who was thinking that he really was lucky to still have a leg.

     "I think that sour cream was spoiled." said Buzz, "Yup, that was extremely sour cream." said Nick

    "What do you mean she left you money? Where did she go?" asked Honey.  He means she died." said Buzz.   "Really Mattie? Is that why you're sad all the time?"

     Matt was surprised the girl noticed, he didn't think it showed. "Well I'm not sad now, let's get some fucking desert." Honey slapped Matt's hand a stinging high five.  Charlie brought out the deserts himself and joined them, the Sanders always ate here after the tournament. 

     "So you boys let a girl beat you again?" asked Charlie.

     "Hey,  last year it wasn't a girl."   "No," said Charlie, "as I recall it was a grandmother."  Honey was in the bathroom, Frivolous said, "She's really lucky and she talks non stop, it kind of messes up your judgement."

     "says one of the losers" interjected Nick.  "Honey's not as dumb as you think," said Buzz. "She wasn't great at the other subjects but she was a four year honor student in mathematics, she has a scholarship to Purdue."

     "She's going to Purdue?" asked Frivolous.  Matt was laughing again, "Grows on you doesn't she?"

     The Saunders talked Frivolous and Charlie into some real poker but Matt declined, he'd seen the looks on their faces when he mentioned the insurance. A quiet night alone was more what he wanted, a lot had happened, he was glad Hotflash had skipped town, a relationship wasn't what he needed right now. He sensed she felt the same, still he hoped to catch up to her before she quit the trail in Harper's Ferry.

     The next morning he saw Frivolous shuffling down the sidewalk, he looked a little bleary. "You just getting in?" asked Matt

     "They cleaned me out last night, I'm going to sleep. You hitting the trail?"

     "Uh huh, you need some folding money? I could hit the ATM." asked Matt

     "No thanks I'm good, I'll go to the ATM myself later. See you up the trail buddy and thanks for the steak." 

     Frivolous limped down the sidewalk to the motel and that was the last Matt saw of him. It happens that way on the trail, people come and go like a breeze, one day you can't get rid of them and the next they are back in a suit and tie eating home cooked meals and sleeping between the sheets. Frivolous's knees had been acting up, perhaps that drove him to seek the comforts of civilization. Of course Matt didn't know at the time that he had quit, there was the expectation of seeing his friend again, then the hope, and finally the acceptance that he was gone. The hiker hotline that passes up and down the trail is a capricious animal. some things seem to pass along as if by magic while others are missed entirely. On the trail it is so different from real life where phone numbers and addresses are exchanged, out there it doesn't occur to you.

     Before he left town Matt bought a news paper and shoved it in his pack so he could see how the Red Flops were doing now. Later that night he read about Osama Bin Laden's death. It had been six days previous that a team of Navy Seals had attacked his compound in Pakistan and shot him in the head. The next day he had been buried at sea. So the U.S.A. had it's pound of flesh. He was glad to be on the trail as flag waving always made him nauseous. It also made him nervous because he was always afraid he'd open his mouth and get into trouble.  Most people were good little sheep that reacted with their guts instead of their heads. He had kept his thoughts about 9-11-2001 to himself. He thought the comedian who said it was more cowardly to fire missiles from a thousand miles away than to fly a plane into a building had it just about right, but you can't go saying that when thousands of your countrymen had just died. Matt's thoughts were that men who committed either of these acts are useless sacks of shit and when the shit hit the fan it wasn't those responsible that suffered, none of the leaders of El Qaida were on those jets and President Shit Head wasn't in the towers. Bin Laden ate a bullet for his role in the attacks, good riddance. Matt wished Frivolous were there to discuss it with him not the first time he missed his friend. 

                                                              Chapter Seven

     Matt found himself more or less alone for the next few days, Honey and the boys got ahead of him. Once he saw Beehive up ahead and decided to take an extra long rest stop then quit early for the night lest he end up confined to his tent to avoid his company. He had found that the ipod's battery wouldn't last if listened to all day so he hiked with his thoughts most of the time. Infantry soldiers could probably tell of the day dream like delirium that can envelope the mind during the tedium of non stop walking. As Matt's mind wandered a host of characters came to hike with him.

     "How have you been Matthew?" asked janis

     "Not too bad considering." he replied

     "Considering what? You knew I didn't love you anymore." 

     "Yes, but I still love you Janis. It's not that easy to turn off you know."

     "Perhaps you just haven't tried."

     "Remember when we use to do this together? I thought we were happy. Weren't you happy?" asked Matt

     "yes, very happy, but people change. Aren't you changing even now?" 

     "Maybe, at least I think so. It doesn't change how I feel about you, what did I do? Why didn't you love me any more?"  Janis didn't answer because Matt didn't know the answer to those questions. That was when Jesus Christ strode up dressed like a hiker in light weight shorts, bandanna,  t-shirt that said "life is God" and sandals.

     "Aren't those hard to hike in?" Matt asked

     "No, when you can walk across water what are a few rocks?"

     "You know I don't believe in you right?"

     "That's OK Matthew I make allowances for that, I mean really, virgin birth, son of God and all that, it's a lot for the modern mind to swallow. People today aren't predisposed to belief, there are so many miracles all around that they don't even notice them."

     "Really? Name me one everyday miracle."

    "Remember that rash on your thighs? They were nearly bleeding weren't they? How did you get rid of it?"

     "I used some Cortizone 6."

     "There you are, you put a little cream on a rash so bad you were walking bowlegged and it goes away overnight. You don't call that a miracle? People expect so much today they're never satisfied. Take yourself, you had nine wonderful years with Janis, years any man would be happy with, yet you were such a hog you wouldn't let her go so she could make herself happy. Decided to kill her didn't you?"

     "Yes. I haven't forgiven myself for that, I didn't deserve her if that's how my love was."

     "Oh Hell don't fret over that,  my dad made you that way nothing you can do about it. We know how you really feel."

     "I still don't believe in you."

     "That's OK, I'm a little thirsty. How about you?" JC struck a rock with his trekking pole and water bubbled forth. He and Matt drank their fill. 

     "That's a neat trick." said Matt

     "One of the perks, it doesn't make up for dying on the cross but with great power comes great responsibility. he shrugged. "Janis wouldn't want you obsessing over her to the point it dominated your life, she still loved you just not the way you wanted."

     "Consarnit!!!! Don't tell him that." it was Yosemite Sam in a little Kelty cartoon back pack.  "His woman done him wrong. If the ornery bitch loved him she wouldn't a done what she done. "

     "Hey Sam, where's Bugs?" asked JC

     "I ate that ornery critter last night. Roasted him over my campfire. "  Sam licked his fingers.  "A might stringy but he won't be crunching carrots in my face no more."

     "Don't you think the thing for Matt here to do is forgive and move on?" asked JC

     Sam fired several rounds from his six shooters into the ground lifting himself several feet into the air.  "Noooo I don't think he should do that he should obsess and let it consume his life until he can't think of nuthin' else."

     "Sam I thought you were getting counseling for that temper of yours?" said JC

     "Oooooh that consarnit quack didn't know what she was talkin' about.  I don't have a temper problem, waste of a perfectly good nickel. " he fired several more rounds lifting himself from the ground again.

     "How do you do that without reloading?" asked Matt

     "I'm a cartoon ya stupid idgit." 

     "Well Sam I'd like you to see someone I know." said JC

     Matt decided some music was in order, he put on his ear phones and shuffled through his ipod looking for something he hadn't listened to yet. JC looked over his shoulder, "got any Christian Rock?" " Now why had Maria put Amazing Grace on here?" he wondered. He hit play and heard bagpipes. "Good choice" said JC.  "You can hear that?" asked Matt.   "You forget who I am?" asked JC   "Oooooh Jumpin' Jehosaphat you shouldn't go a eavesdropping like that." said Sam  "I wish you wouldn't take my ancestors name in vain like that." said JC

     Amazing Grace on the bagpipes, this had to be from Spock's funeral in the Wrath of Kahn. Matt had been eight when he saw that movie, it had to be the only time an entire theater was in tears at the end of a science fiction movie. Even at eight Matt wasn't fooled he knew Spock wasn't dead. He'd been watching Star Trek on TV for three years. Sure enough at the end of the next movie he was back annoying Doctor McCoy.  The music didn't stop his imagination it just shifted it's gears a little. Now he imagined the anger management sessions Sam had to attend. 

     The setting was a sound stage with a studio audience, Dr. Phil ran the meeting. Also in attendance were Captain Ahab, Joe Pesci, and Kahn. 

        Dr. Phil: OK Kahn now we know you have some issues with Captain James T. Kirk.

     Kahn: Admiral Kirk, admiral.

     Dr. Phil: OK Admiral Kirk, so tell us about these issues.

     Kahn: He was responsible for the death of my wife.

     Dr. Phil: OK I think you need to move beyond that, you and Marla were adults and you knew what you were doing when you took control of the Enterprise. 

     Yosemite Sam: Consarnit! That Kirk critter done kilt off his wife and crew…

     Dr. Phil: Sam let's hear what Kahn has to say.

     Kahn: I would have chased him round the moons of Nibia and round the Antares Maelstrom and round Perditions Flame before I would have given him up.

     Ahab: I agree with Mr. Kahn

     Dr. Phil: Please Ahab, we're trying to help Kahn work through these issues not encourage him.

     Joe Pesci: I'd stabbed that rat bastard in the neck with a pencil…

     Dr. Phil: Joe, that's enough out of you. I won't have that kind of language in my studio, if you feel the need to use profanity mumble and garble it the way Sam does.

     Yosemite Sam: I don't garble nuthin ya consarnit idgit.

     Dr. Phil: Now boys let's keep this a good clean Christian show.

     Ahab: Better to sleep with a sober cannibal than a drunk Christian.

     Dr. Phil: now I don't see what that has to do with anything Ahab, you're just letting your anger get the better of you. Didn't you say that you would strike the sun itself if it insulted you? 

     Ahab: I do not recall saying that and if I had my harpoon here you would not dare make such insulting accusations. 

     Joe Pesci: Stab him with a pencil, or a pen. A pen would work too. Then when you get him down kick him in the face.

     Dr. Phil: Any more talk like that you little shit and I'll have you thrown out of here.

     Joe Pesci: Who you callin' a little shit you bald bastard? I'll rip that little moustache right off your face and shove it up your fucking ass.

     Kahn: This is beneath my genetically designed dignity, I am out of here.

     Yosemite Sam: Oooooh where are my six shooters? 

     Dr. Phil: You just try it you little asshole…hey kahn sit your ass back down there we have forty minutes of airtime left to fill…Ahab put down that pencil.

     Yosemite Sam: Stab "im Ahab, grab his legs Joe…

     Dr. Phil: Security…

     CUT TO COMMERCIAL

      When Matt turned off his ipod Jesus was still there.  "Feel better?  Have you ever read your name sake's book?"

     "If you mean the book of Matthew then yes I have." said Matt

     "He had a hard time letting go of the past as well, he felt shame for what he had done. He was a tax collector not a dishonorable occupation if done with scruples." 

     "Then why did you summon him?"

     "i thought he needed a career change he turned out to be a pretty good writer too."

     "I heard what you said to Sam about your ancestors I thought you were the son of God isn't he your only ancestor?"

     "Well it depends on how you look at it, it's all perspective isn't it? Look at the creationists who are so fad now, they claim the earth is 3,000 years old or something like that, claim the Bible says so. They're a good bunch but that is some creative math they are using. I know what the Bible "says" but first of all it was written by men. The thing is much of it isn't supposed to be taken literally, when it says dad made the world in six days well what is a day?" 

     "A day on Jupiter is 9.9 hours long and don't avoid my question." said Matt

     "Haven't you known someone who was raised by a step parent? Didn't they call them mom or dad? Anyhow Matthew felt a lot of guilt about his past which is a waste of energy. The things you do to survive shouldn't haunt you, you didn't kill her though you did scare the crap out of her." 

     "Thanks, I feel a lot better now." said Matt

     "I asked dad once why he invented sarcasm, he told me if i was a parent I'd know why." 

     "You never had any kids? I know what is believed but c'mon man to man you slipped it to Mary Magdalene didn't you?"

     Jesus coughed and looked at the trees, "So Wrath of Kahn eh do you like Star Trek?"

     "You did, didn't you?" 

      " she was a red head, I really have a weakness for red heads." he shrugged, "A man has needs you know."

     "Tell that to the Catholics." said Matt

     "To expect a human to be chaste is illogical."

     They both looked around startled, it was Spock. "Humans spend an inordinate amount of time denying their humanity." he said

     "Don't knock the Catholics they're our best salesmen, spread my word all over the heathen world." said JC

     "To spread love and understanding at the point of a sword is not only illogical it is also retarded." said Spock

     "That's nice coming from a fictional character." said JC

     "I believe your world has a saying about glass houses and refraining from hurling stones." said Spock

     Jesus thought for a minute before getting the gist then said, "you know for five cents I would knock you into the middle of next week."

     " Time travel would require a tight rapid orbit of the sun which I do not believe you are capable of. For a supposed man of peace you and your followers seem to resolve problems with violence quite frequently. Perhaps something in your upbringing? Perhaps your mother did not breast feed you the requisite amount of time?" 

     "Right! That's it." JC lunged at Spock who blocked the son of God's attempt at a strangle hold and the two of them rolled in the dirt. JC takes a branch in the eye, "Dad damn it" he yells.

     My imagination is having a fight with itself  thought Matt. Perfect, out loud he said, "You two are pacifists."

     "Who are you talking to buddy?" Matt started, it was Beehive.

     "Nobody, just having a little internal conversation."

     "Sounded external to me." he said

     Matt asked, "How did you get behind me? You were up ahead last I knew."

     "I got lost for a couple hours this morning, I'm not quite a mountain man yet." They were coming up on the Dragon"s Tooth a sharp needle of rock on top of a narrow serpentine ridge, they rested for a while. Beehive was out of breath so they could enjoy the view in silence. The mountains to the west were more like long ridges in contrast to solitary peaks of Maine. A couple people were climbing the Tooth, obviously day hikers as backpackers don't waste energy on climbing unnecessary rocks.

     "What were you arguing with yourself about?" asked Beehive when he had caught his breath. Janis used to ask questions like that and Matt would just mumble "nothing" and she would be disgusted. What would Beehive think if Matt told him? He might jump off this cliff to escape which was a pleasant contemplation. Instead he said "just thinking about my wife."

     "Where is she ?" he asked

     "Dead and in the ground." Matt said which ended that line of inquiry. Matt asked "Who do you think would win a fight Spock from Star Trek or Jesus Christ?" 

     "I don't think that's a fit topic for discussion." he said

     "Why not? Oh you're one of those." said Matt

     "If you mean I believe in Jesus Christ as my personal savior then yes I am. Proud of it too." said Beehive, "To make light of he whom died for our sins is a sacrilege." 

     "Maybe he died for your sins buddy but not mine, besides I never asked him to and I'm pretty sure I've never done anything bad enough to warrant such a sacrifice." 

     Beehive rose and shouldered his pack, "I'll pray for you Homeward Bound."

     Matt laughed and said, "You do that buddy." as Beehive walked away he yelled after him, "Wait don't you want to tell me about your wife or the latest noodle recipe?"   Matt thought , so that's how to get rid of him, pretty easy really. There hadn't been any reason to treat him like that, Matt decided he needed to get to a town.

                                                                            Chapter Eight

     

     A day and a half later he was in Daleville Virginia population 1,454. He got to town at 5:30 and checked into the Super 8 then went to Three Li'l Pigs BBQ where he had some fantastic pulled pork Carolina style which meant a vinegar based sauce rather than the tomato he was used to. He planned to take a zero day relax swim in the motel's pool and read the paper. In the morning Matt hit the post office for his drop box then got a sandwich and went back to the motel. Inside his box were four letters, he went down to the pool to read the paper. 

     The Sox had won on a walk-off double by Adrian Gonzalez the night before and were finally above .500 for the season. John Lackey was on the disabled list, what a waste this guy was proving to be. A high school football coach from Mississippi had been arrested for molesting students, Matt would bet his house the guy was a good church going republican. A japanese woman was swept over Niagra Falls while taking a picture, talk about propagating stereotypes thought Matt. There was flooding in the middle of the country and MGM wanted to implode a motel they had built in Las Vegas before they even opened it. OK, things hadn't changed in the world without him. 

     Now he turned to the letters which were from his family. What was going on here? For them to respond so quickly was unusual. Nothing earth shattering inside just run of the mill "wow you're finally doing it" sort of stuff. Katie sent her phone number, his brothers wanted him to visit as well and would take him to a Sox game if they were in Fenway when he came. 

     At the motel that evening he gave thought to his attitude lately, he wondered again if it was time to call a halt to this expedition. His imagination was getting the better of him and he had deliberately been nasty to Beehive who was only being friendly. It surprised him to realize he missed his friends. It was time to catch up to Honey and the boys, plus Hotflash was up there somewhere. 

     Jesus was resting on the unused bed, "I think that's a good idea Matthew, no man is an island."

     Matt was flipping through the channels, "I think you're wrong Son of God that's exactly what we are. Some of us are outgoing and open some are taciturn, but no matter the temperament we are alone inside of ourselves. All we can hope for is to find someone who will try to understand and not treat us like shit in the bargain." He found a ball game but it was some minor league team. "Oh and a blow job once in a while would be nice."

     "That's a very cynical attitude my son."

     The channel surfing stopped when a televangelist named Joel Osteen appeared on the screen. "Perfect." said Matt, "look at this guy with his Armani suit, slicked back hair and Chesire smile."

     "Joel's a good guy, saved a lot of souls." 

     "Oh really? Does he need a ten thousand dollar suit to do that? That seems to fly in the face of what you preached. This guy is a snake oil salesman of the first order."

     Jesus winced, "I still think you're cynical."

     "Yeah? Well your dad made me this way, isn't that what you said? He made us all this way. We are brought up to believe there is a plan for our lives, a place we belong. Well it's all bullisht and religion is the worst offender, leading people to believe in something that is a lie and fleecing them in the process." and poof Jesus Christ the Son of God was gone. 

     Matt found Turner Classic Movies which was playing Mr. Smith Goes to Washington a Frank Capra film starring Jimmie Stewart. His mind wandered thinking of another film they made together It's A Wonderful Life, one of his favorite films. Janis would always scoff every December when he would watch it claiming it was a bunch of sentimental garbage. He didn't love it merely for the feel good ending, those were a dime a dozen in Hollywood, what set this film apart was the way it got there. There were some seriously dark scenes in this movie, frightening even, so when the release comes at the end you really feel the character deserves it. His rescue comes not from the guardian angel sent from heaven but from the people his life had touched. Matt wondered how his movie would have ended? He'd found out hadn't he? He also ended up on a bridge ready to jump. "Hey Christ where was my guardian angel?" Matt yelled.  Christ didn't respond.

     Matt got an early start the next day and tried to put some miles beneath his boots but mountains have their own pace and he made his usual mileage. Mid afternoon he came across a man sitting next to the trail, when Matt asked if the man was alright he responded that he was praying.  Matt apologized and moved on. That night at the shelter he saw the dark skinned man unrolling his bedroll inside. As Matt made his dinner the man spoke to him, "Thank you for inquiring about my welfare I was performing my Asr which is the mid afternoon prayer." He joined Matt for supper. He was from India and a Muslim, thus the praying in the afternoon. He had a name Matt couldn't pronounce let alone spell but was going by the trail name of Faces East. Matt hadn't realized there were many Muslims in India but he was informed it was one of the countries larger religions. After dinner Faces East went to perform his Isha, the evening prayer.

     The next day Matt and Faces East hiked together all day. Matt gave him space when he prayed. Faces East had been a Calcutta police officer for many years but the job weighed on him worse every year until one day he just left. For the last seventeen years he had been hiking, then working in his brother's restaurant to pay for the next adventure. Thus far he had hiked the Burma Railroad, across Europe twice, India south to north ending up in the Himalayas, and his pilgrimage to Mecca had been on foot which nearly cost him his life on a couple occasions. 

     As they hiked Matt learned that many of the Old Testament profits were also recognized by the Muslim faith including Jesus Christ the difference being that they didn't believe in the divinity of Christ. Mohamed had been the final profit which made Matt wonder if God just decided this is the last chance if they don't get it this time, the Hell with it they're on their own. Matt in turn told him his story including the recent conversations with the divine one. Faces East found this amusing, "You have an active imagination Homeward Bound. I believe Spock would have won that fight as he was able to put aside his pacifism when necessary. Besides Vulcans are much stronger than humans." 

     That evening Faces East asked Matt if he would like to accompany him for his Isha which is prayed after full dark. Matt told him he didn't believe in a divine being but Faces East insisted so he went along. They found a ledge with an open view to the east and Faces East washed his face before prayer as the Muslim faith instructs. Matt sat quietly by his side, he had little respect for many in his own country who seemed to think religion was some kind of mandatory rite for being a good person. This man seemed different, there was a quiet dignity about him and he didn't seem to be trying to sell him anything which was so often true of the Christians he had known. He also didn't seem judgmental about what Matt did or did not believe, this was also a departure from what Matt had experienced in his life. 

     On the way back to camp he asked Faces East if he felt compelled to convince Matt of the existence of God.  "No, I think every being finds their own way in life, if God wanted you he would convince you himself." Matt then asked if it wasn't possible that he was meant to convince him of God's existence and Faces East laughed and said, "Apparently not since I do not feel compelled to do so." They both laughed and Matt asked about Muslim extremists, again he touched on people finding their own way. "If God has preordained that they fight this war who am I to dissent?" Matt asked why he wasn't fighting.  "God has not told me too." was his simple response. Matt asked if God just told him one day to start hiking and he said, "No. It is not like that, the way I was made preordains how I live my life. Think of a computer that is programmed to respond a certain way to input."

     "We call that genetics." said Matt

     "Yes, exactly. God made the program that dictates your life." 

     "So God is a computer programmer?" asked Matt

     "If that helps you to understand, then yes." 

     "Well he's got some glitches in his software if you ask me." said Matt

     "Yes" laughed Faces East, "it appears to be so."

                                                                     PART TWO: Every journey has a middle.

                                                                                              Chapter one

     Virginia is a large state and the Appalachian Trail takes it's time crossing it. Matt found himself wanting to be done with the Old Dominion State so he could visit his sister in Pennsylvania. He was nervous about the meeting but as the miles rolled up and down he felt the need for family. When he planned this trip change wasn't on his mind, the AT was just something to do other than merely exist. Now however he felt changes occurring. Organic changes certainly such as weight loss and muscle growth, but psychological ones as well. A part of himself long dormant seemed to be demanding exit. Nervous about seeing his sister and her family? Hell he was scared.

     The day he caught up with Buzz and Honey, Nick wasn't with them. Nick and Buzz had gotten into an argument and Nick had hiked off alone that night, this was three days ago. They knew he was up there because he wrote in the shelter registers every night. The Appalachian Trail shelters are maintained by the same clubs that take care of the trail. The clubs keep an unofficial register in each one. Usually it is a simple white lined notebook a place for hikers to make comments, leave notes for each other, write poetry, or create art in blue and black ink. Most of the comments are mundane entries about the trail or weather but some were quite poetic. Others were funny like the one about the "Barber" an owl in North Carolina who kept dive bombing hikers, often flying off with their hat. Others were informative with information about dry springs or problems with locals. Shelters that were too close to a town or road sometimes saw hikers harassed, not everyone liked strangers passing through their territory. 

     "Mattie Boy! Where you been?" Honey hugged him hard enough to crack a rib. Honey told about Nick getting angry over dinner and stalking off into the night.  "Nick has always had a temper." was all Buzz would say. 

     Faces East entered camp soon after and Matt sat back to watch the fun but Honey refused to perform. Matt decided to plunge Buzz for information, they had fought about food of course. Matt assured him Nick would be back soon, he probably just needed a break. 

     "Nick just needs a good fight every now and then to blow off steam Buzz, if you'd yell at him every now and then he'd get to be mad and feel better." said Honey.

     Two days later Matt hiked into the clearing in front of the Paul C. Wolf shelter to find Nick sitting there eating a can of peaches. A creek ran near the shelter so Matt went down to wash up. Nick followed him. The water was cold and glorious as Matt washed his bug bitten face and neck. Bug dope doesn't do much good when you're constantly sweating. 

     "You're carrying canned peaches?" asked Matt.  "A little heavy aren't they?"

     "Nah, I found these in the shelter with some other stuff. Seen Buzz and Honey?"

     "Yup, should be here soon. Heard about your little fracas." said Matt

     Nick laughed, "Yeah, we have our disagreements from time to time. They're used to it."

     Matt noticed Nick's implication that he was usually the instigator, "They're hiking with a guy from India named Faces East." Matt removed his boots and shirt to wash some more.

     "Is that the weirdo who prays in the middle of the trail?" asked Nick.

     "Yup. He's a Muslim that's why he prays at different times of the day."

     "Muslim? Probably going to blow up a shelter as soon as he finds one crowded enough to make it worth while." said Nick

    Matt wanted to say something but thought better of it but it did make him wonder how much grief Faces East was taking on his hike through America the land of intolerance. Matt had learned long ago to keep his face closed about his beliefs, life was a lot easier that way. He had never told Janis that he didn't believe in God and every Easter and Christmas he had been dragged off to church to listen to boring sermons and hymns sung off key. Now that he thought about it not much had changed since child hood except that as an adult he couldn't get away with drawing tank battles on the program.  Maybe that was the main difference between the two stages of life, as an adult you couldn't go off to some imaginary land to skip over the dull bits.

    Matt changed track, "You and Buzz didn't get into trouble when you hid Honey at your fort?"

     "What?…OH, well yes there was some but Buzz showed everyone involved with Child Services how much of a shit storm it would stir up if they tried to put her back in that home or prosecute us."

     "What happened to the guy who raped her?"

     "Nothing. That was the trade off, we didn't get in trouble and DHS didn't have to explain to 60 Minutes why they put a little girl in a pedophile's house." 

     Matt let it go, so often in life that was how it worked, a deal was cut and some old bastard got away with a crime. Nick and Buzz avoided trouble but what about the next little girl to come across the old bastard's trail? He thought maybe the Appalachian trail is an adult version of a fort, a place to escape real life.

     "Buzz has a way of out thinking every one around him. I guess that's what pisses me off some times. He never lets anything get to him, I start out kidding around and end up wanting to strangle him."

   

     An hour later Matt awoke from a nap in his tent to hear Honey bitching out Nick with obvious relief in her voice. When he came out for dinner there were two more tents set up. Nick and Buzz were teasing Honey who was eating it up. He wondered what she was going to do when it was time to go to college and they would go their separate ways. 

     The tents belonged to Diamond Jim who had gained his moniker by losing a nose stud and El Tiante who had named himself after former Red Sox ace Luis Tiant.  According to Tiante the Sox were now 23-20 on the season with a six game winning streak. He also said Manny Ramirez had tested positive again for steroids, and rather than serve a 100 game suspension, had retired. Manny had many critics in Red Sox Nation but Matt wasn't one of them, he never left for the bathroom or kitchen when Ramirez was at the dish. Also his antics, while annoying, were rarely boring. 

     A cribbage tournament broke out after dinner and although the scoring always escaped him, Matt played. The game began to slow down about nine when Jim and Tiante went to bed and Nick left for the out house. A lively Star Trek discussion was going around the shelter, Best Captain? How many woman did Kirk sleep with?, when a strange sound was heard off in the distance. "Now an unidentified sound such as that always meant that a security officer was about to die." said Faces East. 

     "Who trained those dorks?" asked Honey. 

      "Kirk must have had to fill out a shit load of paper work after every mission." said Matt.

     The sound evolved into the roar of engines and headlights were seen bobbing through the trees. A moment later four ATVs skidded into the clearing and a beer bottle flew across the fire ring. Matt pulled on his boots and noticed Faces East doing the same. Honey yelled at them to "Turn those fucking things off."

     "We got a feisty one here boys." yelled a red hat

     "This is public land bitch, and we'll do what we want." said a large shadow in the headlights.

     "Actually this is a national park and motorized vehicles are illegal on the trail." said Buzz

     "Listen to ranger prick over there." said the large shadow. "You a ranger fag boy?"

     "No, right now I'm a cribbage player." said Buzz

     "It's none of your business what he is shit for brains." said Honey which brought laughter from the four  shadows.

    "You got a foul mouth for a girl Bitch." said the big shadow.

     "Call me a bitch again and I'll kick you in the nuts. That is if you have any." said Honey.

     "Maybe you want to find out…" that was as far as the big shadow got because Nick came flying out of the dark tackling him low and hard. Matt and Buzz tried to separate them and that's when the fist exploded against Matt's ear. As he tried to shake the fuzz out of his head he was kicked in the hip rolling him into the pine needles. Things kind of slowed down then, he could hear Buzz trying to calm things down, see out of the corner of his eye as Faces East efficiently took down one of the boys as Nick beat on the upturned forearms of the big shadow. Matt heard his assailant say, "You aint no match for my karate." and he blocked a boot aimed for his face and flipped the boy on his back. Matt picked up a large rock from the fire ring and lifted it over his head. When holding a knife on his ex wife he had a brief moment of clarity that stopped him but this wasn't Janis, the rock began to descend only to be stopped by a vice like grip from behind. Faces East held on calmly repeating in heis ear "Let go Matthew." until he dropped the rock. 

     The teenagers mounted their noise makers and rode off yelling threats over their shoulders. Nick was sucking bleeding knuckles, Buzz had a fat lip, and Honey was limping because she had tried to keep her promise of kicked nuts and instead turning her ankle. Faces East was the only one unharmed no doubt due to his police training. Nick was looking pleased with himself, Honey punched him on the arm, "I had it under control besides he was too big for you Nicky. Next time just let me kick him in the nuts."

     Matt's ear was ringing, he waved off Faces East when he ride to take a look. He went to his tent to calm down, he was scared by his loss of control.

     "You don't know how to control your temper." said Christ.

     "What do you mean? I never lose my temper." said Matt

     "Exactly my point, how can you know how to manage something you never use?" said JC

     "Well that's stupid, are you saying I should get angry more often so I don't lose my temper?" 

     "You should stop denying it Matthew, besides a little anger now and then isn't a bad thing. If properly used people will respect you more. I used it myself from time to time."

     "He's right Matthew, you let people walk all over you." said Janis. Even though they were imaginary the tent was getting crowded. "When you stood up to me about the camp was when I respected you the most. It was too late by then however."

    "Fuck you Janis, how's that? Respect me more now?"

     "That's not called for." said JC

     "Mind your own business this is between me and my dead ex-wife."

     "I can't talk to you when you're like this." said janis.

     "You can't talk to me? Let's talk about what a joy you turned into later in our marriage sweet heart. Who do you think you were kidding? I knew you when you were a teller in that bank. You also forget I cleaned puke off your face when you were sick drunk, held you when your fears got the better of you, supported you in every thing you did, and then you look down your nose at me? Jesus! I sat in the doctors office holding your hand while we waited for the biopsy when you found the lump."

     "How did my name become a curse word?" asked JC

     "Matthew it wasn't like that." said Janis

     "Really, why am I a swear word?" asked JC again.

     "Bullshit Janis it was exactly like that, OH and I don't believe in God either, so there." said Matt. Christ winced.

     "Hey Mattie Boy are you in there?" it was Honey. "You aint rubbin' one out are you?"

    "No, I'm not doing anything of the kind." said Matt. The door unzipped and Honey's headlamp blinded him.

    "Are you OK? You looked funny when you left, Faces East said to leave you alone but…"

    "I'm alright just having a conversation with my wife and Jesus Christ."

     "Nick's right you are losing your mind." said Honey.

     "Tell Nick to drop dead."

     "Ha ha , Nick doesn't need anyone to piss him off now he blew off plenty of steam in that bitchin' fight." said Honey.

     "How is your ankle?"

     "Oh it hurts. Buzz has a big fat lip. He's mad at Nick for starting it."

     "You did more to start that fight than Nick."

     A big grin spread across her face, "That guy was lucky Nick got to him first I was going to castrate him."

                                                        Chapter Two

      Twelve miles into the next day Matt entered Shenandoah National Park. The park runs north and south along the spine of the Blue Ridge Mountains and an auto road called the Blue Ridge Parkway runs 119 miles paralleling the Appalachian Trail. The park was established in 1935 much of the land being seized by eminent domain. The towns and resident were mostly removed but a few stayed on. The last resident was a woman by the name of Annie Lee Bradley Shenk who died in 1979 at the age of 92. Matt learned these fact as he hiked. The building of the Parkway was vehemently opposed by many entities who were mostly ignored. Matt thought the road was fine, it was nice to get an ice cream right on the trail, and many of the motorists gave handouts to hikers. Matt wasn't adverse to charity, an ice cold Pepsi after nine hot miles was sweet bliss. Also the car tourists were amusing as Hell, at one rest stop next to the pavement he watched bemused as a family from Iowa asked Honey about the trail and got way more than they bargained for. 

     Matt understood why some had fought the road, in some places there is precious little wilderness, but he didn't mind because he knew what was ahead. He wasn't half way yet but had was beginning to understand that one of the beautiful things about this trail was the diversity. There was wilderness but there was an urban aspect as well. You didn't have to be a survivalist or a long distance hiker to experience the Appalachian Trail, this is truly a peoples trail. 

     Too much contact with clean tourists made Matt realize that hikers are like homeless people, they walk every where they go, carry everything in a bag, and smell awful. One night he expressed his theory around the campfire, Honey was appalled "I aint homeless Mattie Boy.", Faces East laughed while Hotflash told him to speak for himself, she smelled just fine. Matt couldn't argue with her and invited her to discuss it further in his tent later.

     They were waiting out a thunderstorm in the Black Rock Hut, Buzz was asleep in the corner Nick was rifling through his pack angrily looking for his knife. They had the place to themselves  which was a rarity in the park, the shelters are heavily used because of their proximity to the road and also it was a short drive from the huge urban areas of Richmond and Washington D.C.

     "God damn it I know I put my knife in here, Honey did you use it?" 

     "No I didn't take your stupid knife Nick. If you can't keep track of your stuff don't bitch at me about it.." It was a stupid knife too, more suited to skinning an elephant than backpacking.

     " I wasn't bitching just asking." 

     " I don't know how you keep losing that thing as big as it is." yawned Buzz

     "He was bitchin'" Honey said to Matt. "How come your wife left you?" Honey had been asking questions about Janis ever since Pearsburg a week back. 

     "She got tired of me I guess."

     " I don't get that." said Honey, "Didn't she love you? If she didn't love you why'd she marry you?" 

     "People grow apart, fall out of love."  Nick found his knife, "I told you I didn't take it you boner." said Honey. Matt hoped this would deflect her but he was wrong as usual, "That doesn't make sense, if you're together how can you be apart, nothing that happens in my life is going to make me stop loving my boys, even though Nick is a boner." he tossed a bird her way.

     " I never stopped, she did. She was progressing with her life while I was standing still.  To me she was still that collection of quirks, thoughts and mannerisms that I loved. I guess by the end the only thing about me for her to love was the fact that I loved her.  That's a pretty shitty reason to stay with someone."

     Honey looked confused but said, "I don't think she knew you Mattie Boy if she did she wouldn't have dumped you."

     "Maybe but she'd still be dead."

     "Why don't you two write a blues song and get it over with?" said Nick

     "You could call it Homeward Bound Blues." said Buzz who kept waking up.

     "Why don't you write a song about kissing my ass? You could call it Love Story." said Honey.

     "Wake me when this damn rain stops. Said Buzz as he rolled his face to the wall.

     Honey wouldn't let go, "Does it hurt to think of her, I think about my parents and it hurts plenty. I wonder why they had to die and leave me all alone. Sometimes I get angry, do you ever get mad at your ex?"

     "Yes I get mad and it still hurts, that's why I'm waiting out a damn thunderstorm with a bunch of smelly kids in a filthy shelter."

     "You don't smell so flowery yourself." said the still not asleep Buzz.

     "Yah Mattie Boy you stink as bad as the rest of us but you're older and closer to death." 

     "You keep talking to me like that and you may be closer to death than you think."

     "Nick and Buzz will protect me, won't you boys?"

     "The last I remember I was a boner." said Nick" " I'll protect you after my nap." said Buzz

     "You aint no killer anyhow Mattie Boy."

     They had been too preoccupied to see him about to cave in that kids melon the other night, and just because he hadn't killed Janis didn't mean he was incapable of the deed.  He said, "I remember when I was sixteen I spent the summer in Maine with my grandparents and my aunt had this really cute baby sitter. We had a little thing going on. Her twin sister died of a drug overdose one night and I never saw her again." 

     "What was her name?" asked Honey

     Matt had to think for a minute, "Sarah, that was her name Sarah Podenski. Anyhow a week later I was playing football in a cow pasture with some locals when my cousin Pete pointed out a scrawny little shit on the other team, says he was the one supplied the drugs to Sarah's sister. There he was standing there in the sunshine laughing and goofing off. I made it the focus of my game to punish him as much as possible."

     Buzz said, "There's a big difference between pounding someone in a game of football, [which is just good fun, interjected Nick] and killing them." finished Buzz

     "I wasn't finished. There was a thresher parked at the edge of the field and I tried to push him into it. I doubt it would have killed him but that was my intention." 

     "Well we'll be more careful around you from now on." said Buzz rolling back to the wall. 

     "There is a killer in any of us Buzz, the right button just has to be pushed."

     Later that night Nick was once again complaining about his dinner, Faces East looked into his pot.  "What are you cooking? Plain white rice? Do you have no spices?"

     Buzz laughed, " Nick would miss complaining too much if he did anything to improve his culinary creations."

     "At least I'm not eating those retchmen noodles  A-Hole!" said Nick

     "Yes I agree with Nick, those retched things are not to be tolerated unless one is moments from starvation." said Faces East.

     "YES, finally someone agrees with me. What would you suggest my man?"

     Faces East retrieved a small plastic container from his well organized pack, he sprinkled a little powder into Nick's rice and a pungent aroma arose from the pot. "That smells incredible, what is it?" asked Nick.

     "That is panch photon the Bengal five spice. It is made from the ground seeds of nigella, black mustard, fenugreek, fennel, and cumin. Normally this would be used in lamb or chutney but such dishes are beyond us here on the trail. I will also brew you tea made from the leaf of fenugreek. Fenugreek helps with lactation, wards off arthritis, and taken before bed can ease constipation."

     "Hey you should give some of that to Buzz he can't crap to save his life lately." said Honey.

     "Shut up about my bowels twerp."

     "I think he's lactating just fine but the locomotive is stuck in the station."

     "HONEY."

     "The mail isn't moving."

     "OK sugar buns we get it now shut up." said Buzz.

     "Please give some of that tea to him  I"m tired of waiting ousted the privy while he grunts and squeaks inside." said Nick

     "You must look on the bright side Buzz," said Faces East, "at least you are saving on toilet paper."

     As they ate an elderly man with a long white beard hiked into camp, he dropped an ancient looking canvas pack next to the shelter. "Good evening." he said in a sonorous voice, "is there any room at the inn?" Introductions were made all around and though there were eight people already in the shelter, some room was found and he began to unpack. His trail name was Father Christmas. He didn't have much choice he admitted because of his beard. He was heading south on a section hike as he attempted to complete the trail for the second time, the first being in 1969. "The trail has changed some since then," he said, "but so have I. I guess the only thing hasn't changed is old Martha here." he said patting his pack.

     "How did your pack get a name?" asked Honey.

     "Well I lived on a ranch in Idaho when I was a young man, we had a pack mule named Martha who had the sweetest disposition you ever saw until she decided otherwise then she was a right down bitch. Excuse my language ma'am." he tipped his hat to Honey. "That's how any backpack is, by the end of the day they normally decide to weigh twice what you know they should. A few miles from camp you get to wondering who put the bowling balls up there. Then about a mile from camp you wonder how the piano got up there since you can't even play the piano."

     You didn't so much talk to Father Christmas as listen to him as he held court. Matt's grandfather had been like that, he didn't say much but when he spoke you listened. To interrupt him when he had the floor would have taken a presidential decree. Grandpa Washburn had died in a nursing home at the age of 74 probably about the same age as the man with the white beard. Matt had helped them clean out Harold Jr.s apartment at the "community" , it was a clean well run efficient place. They served meals in a pleasant dining room, people in walkers or wheel chairs rolled or strolled in and sat gumming their food that smelled bland and soft. There was a library and a movie room benches and chairs set here and there. The inmates sat staring blankly or conversing with friends while the staff moved through like friendly sheep herders. Music played softly all around, songs like I've got you under my skin or As Time Goes By.  Matt wondered if forty years from now he'd be sitting in a similar place while Nirvana or The Talking Heads played. He sort of envied the people there, how nice to be herded to meals, sit and remember, never have to live up to expectations again, or have to make plans. Sometimes Matt felt that all there was to life was trying not to fuck up. He looked forward to the day when the struggle would be over and he could just let someone take care of him. 

     Another aspect of the "community" that struck him were the photos on the wall, pictures of young men in uniform and women young and pretty in their skirts. His grand father had served in Korea something he never spoke of. He had a plaque on the wall with crossed swords on it presented to him by the army. It reminded Matt of the little league trophies you got for finishing fourth, cheap tawdry trash presented by a grateful nation for risking your life and perhaps taking someone else's. He wondered what his grandpa thought as he looked at it. He had made sure that his own son went to college and stayed the Hell out of Vietnam so maybe Matt did know what he thought.

                                                        Chapter Three

     Two days later Matt sat on a picnic table at Big Meadow and watched the tourists go by as he ate a cheeseburger and an ice-cream. They had to drive here and find a parking spot, later they would have to fight bumper to bumper traffic while he would be would be walking in the shady woods. 

     Later in the afternoon he saw Faces East sitting on the ground up ahead, prayer time thought Matt. Then he noticed that he wasn't facing east towards Mecca and if he was praying it probably wasn't his Isha but more likely, "Oh shit." There was a large bear [all bears look large in the wild] ahead in the trail looking at them. It didn't look aggressive just curious which could be just as bad. Every spring when he went camping for the first time Matt had bear phobia, every sound at night brought him wide awake and listening. He once asked a game warden what to do if a bear came after him and the warden told him to trip whoever he was with so the bear would get them while he escaped. 

     "How long you been sitting here?" he asked.

     "Not long, perhaps a half an hour." said Faces East. The bear backed up to a spruce tree and scratched it's back. 

     "Sweet merciful Jesus." said a voice behind them. Both men jumped and Matt was pleased to see that Faces East wasn't as calm as he appeared. It was Hotflash.

     "Shouldn't we run or something?" she asked.

     "Do you think you could outrun the bear?" asked Matt. "and if not could you outrun the both of us?"

     "Do you mean you would leave me to that creature?"

     "Yup" said Matt. "Undoubtably." said Faces East.

     The bear was looking at them and making snuffing noises, it scratched some more then squatted for a while then sauntered into the woods to the left. No one moved for a while then two hikers came by and they told them about the bear and they said, "We seen three yesterday." and kept moving.

     They walked up to where the bear had been to find a large pile of droppings, they stood in a circle around it. 

     "Been eating a lot of berries." said Matt

     "Yes." said Faces East.

     "I'll be glad to get to Harper's Ferry." said Hotflash.

                                                   Chapter Four

     Shenandoah was the nicest part of the trail thus far, unsurpassed beauty, nice amenities, and great shelters. Matt sat on a rock one day looking out over the valley and across at Massanutten Mountain which splits the Shenandoah Valley down the middle. Stonewall Jackson had used the mountain to foil Lincoln's plans to destroy his army in 1862. Three federal armies were sent to converge on Jackson's Valley Army but by hard marching and using the road network and passes over the mountain he was able to fight them separately and defeat them. Matt could picture the barefoot Confederate infantry marching up the valley roads flags flapping in the wind. 

     Thomas Jonathan Jackson had earned his trail name at the First Battle of Mannassas when General Barnard Bee, who's position was being overrun by the Union army, was reported to have said, "There's Jackson and his Virginians standing like a stone wall."  Jackson had his brigade posted on a prominent ridge behind the main battle line. Some said Bee's actual words were "there's Jackson standing like a damned stone wall" because he wouldn't come down to aid Bee. Bee was killed in the assault and Jackson turned the day by standing his ground and stemming the Union advance. Later that day while telling this story at the camp fire Honey asked why they called it the First Battle of Mannassas, how did they know there would be another one? Nick and Buzz busted a gut over that one. 

     The miles went by and Harper's Ferry got closer. They would lose Hotflash there, she would lay down her pack and board a train for home no longer a member of the fellowship. The trail was getting to be more like real life every day new friends coming along and old ones dropping out of the story. He hadn't seen Frivolous in over two weeks and had to admit he had probably quit the trail. 

     The night before they got to Harper's Ferry Matt and Hotflash lay in his tent quietly talking. They spoke of the many things they had seen, why they were on the trail, what they hoped for the future. She asked him about his trail name "Homeward Bound", and he admitted it was misnomer as he was drifting like a piece of seaweed in the tide. "I've no real home or connection to anyone, I'm heading towards Maine but there's nothing there for me." "That sounds like me too." she said as a tear slid down her face.

     "Does it make you sad?" he asked.

     "When you say it that way it does." 

 She said quitting the trail was like a little death. She hadn't felt that way about closing her business and she didn't understand why. Matt asked her if she had figured anything out while hiking she replied, "Maybe nothing, maybe everything, only time will tell."  Matt understood, his hike had thus far produced a lot of confusing thoughts and feelings but no answers.

     Harper's Ferry sits on the confluence of the Shenandoah and Potomac Rivers at the northern end of the valley. Flooding is a constant problem, the river can rise up to 40 feet in a matter of days. The town is a railway nexus and the Chesapeake and Ohio Canal had run through there. George Washington had placed a federal arsenal there which was the focus of John Brown's raid in 1860. He had planned to seize the arsenal and use it's weapons to arm the slaves and lead a revolt. Instead he and his followers were captured by a force led by Colonel Robert E. Lee and was hanged. Thomas Jonathan Jackson attended the hanging at the head of his cadets from The Virginia Military Institute. The Lewis and Clarke expedition was mostly outfitted in Harper's Ferry and it is also the site of the headquarters for the Appalachian Trail Conservancy. 

     Matt wandered around town till he found the ATC headquarters housed in a two story building the bottom half made of stone the upper of dark wood. White and brown is the color scheme. Hotflash was sitting on a bench in front waiting for him.  The headquarters is run by volunteers who have usually hiked the trail. A young man and woman greeted them and asked about their hikes then took a polaroid picture which went into a large album. All the hikers who stop by are put into the album, as they looked back through the pages they saw hikers they had met, here was Honey, Nick, and Buzz from the day before, Beehive was three days ahead. Matt looked in vain for frivolous, he had hoped his friend had leap frogged ahead.  He asked Hotflash to have lunch with him but she declined saying last night was the perfect ending,  so Matt sat on the bench waiting with her for the taxi. When it arrived he put her pack in the trunk and hugged her goodbye. She looked so unnatural sitting in the back seat waving out the window. After she was gone he sat there for quite a while before hoisting his pack and making off down the hill. 

     As Matt trudged out of Harper's Ferry  he tried to think of the battle that took place here in 1862 hoping that would shake the blues loose.  These heights were held by Lafayette McLaw's division, he posted Kershaw's and Barksdale's brigades here to bombard the town and force the federal garrison into submission. After the surrender they marched north to join Lee at Sharpsburg Maryland where the single bloodiest day in American history took place. Kershaw survived the war and prospered while Barksdale was killed assaulting a Union position on the second day at Gettysburg less than a year later. The feelings wouldn't turn loose of him, and he felt guilty for missing Hotflash, why couldn't he shake Janis' ghost?

     That night he went to bed early with no appetite for dinner. In the night he dreamed he was walking down a dark corridor the walls and floor made of metal. As he walked he could feel that thing inside demanding exit, the walls turned into trees and the floor a dirt path, then he was in a shelter on his sleeping pad all around hikers cooked cooked their dinner and were drying clothes. Yosemite Sam was cooking in a big black kettle on a tiny hikers stove, Sam stirred and a set of rabbit ears stuck up from the pot. Jesus Christ smiled at him showing a missing tooth, he waved and blood trickled down his palm. Spock had one eye swollen shut and was trying to lecture him about the illogic of guilt but he couldn't concentrate because of the pain in his chest. His ribs split and the creature from Alien burst out only it had Janis' face or was it his father? Then it was his 7th grade Geography teacher Mrs. Roth "Detention tonight Mr. Washburn." it hissed.

     Matt sat up in his tent and crawled outside the stars were brilliant overhead, he walked to the outhouse for a pee break trying to calm his pounding heart. The stench of the privy brought him fully conscience, he sat there in the sour smell with his underpants around his ankles trying to sort it out. He wanted someone to talk to not his subconscious in disguise. He ached to have Hotflash here tonight then realized that was exactly how he was with his wife, always running to her for solace like a child with a boo boo to be kissed. "Well fuck that and fuck the dream." he thought. He packed up his gear and hiked till dawn banished the stars from the sky. He made the next shelter as everyone was waking up. Honey came stumbling down  the outhouse path her hair flaming in the early sun. "Who does your hair?" he asked her. 

     "Mattie Boy my hair does itself." she yawned.

     This was more like it. Matt had had enough visitations lately, nocturnal or otherwise, time for some reality. He made breakfast with Honey and the boys who told the story of Honey and the Mouse. Honey had been eating M&Ms in her tent dropping some under her mattress. Matt found this part suspect as nothing edible escaped Honey's mouth. So a mouse chews it's way into her tent to get the candy. The first the boys knew of it was waking to find that Honey's tent had become possessed in the night, it was pitching and bucking left right up and down till finally it's mouth opened and vomited Honey into the pine needles. The boys tried to find the offending rodent to no avail. Finally Nick picked up the tent and shook it till the mouse fell out and sat on the ground looking dazed. It shook it's head scratched it's ear and scampered into the night. 

                                                           Chapter Five

     Matt hiked with the kids that day. They stopped for lunch at Fox's Gap on the site where General Jessie Reno was killed during the battle of South Mountain. For some unknown reason a construction superintendent for the Canadian Pacific Railroad named a city after him in Nevada in 1868. Reno Nevada was the first gambling capitol of America predating Las Vegas. A large sign depicts the highlights of the conflict. South Mountain is where Robert E. Lee fought his stalling battle until he could bring his forces up from Harper's Ferry and assemble them at Sharpsburg Maryland to fight the battle of Antietam. Matt ate an apple while sitting on a stone wall next to the road that ran through the gap. A car pulled up as they snacked. An old couple got out to read the sign, they looked at the hikers and took a picture. 

     "Are you folks hiking?" the old man asked.

     "No we're surfing." responded Honey.

     "Where's the trail?" he asked

     Matt gestured with his apple towards where the AT disappeared into the woods across the road heading north. The man and woman both peered in that direction.

     "How far does it go?"

     "All the way to Maine." said Buzz.

     "Oh he is funning you dad." said the old woman, "there aint no trail goes that far, who'd want to walk it?"

     "It goes all the way to Georgia too." said Buzz.

     "Which way's that?" asked the man. Matt gestured over his shoulder with the apple then took another bite. They peered south for a while then he said, "I expect you're right mother no one in their right mind would walk so far carryon' such heavy bags." They got back in the car and drove off.

     "You hear that?" asked Nick, "We aren't in our right minds."

     "Well I know you aren't" said Honey to Matt, "been talking to Jesus lately?" Matt shrugged and tossed his apple core into the woods.

                                       Chapter six

     What is the strongest memory trigger? Is it sight, sound, taste, touch, or perhaps smell? 

     Later that day a passing car tossed a whiff of exhaust fueled memory Matt's way. As he trudged head down listening to "Jane in the jungle" by the 5.6.7.8s in a hiking trance he crossed a road in another of the passes through South Mountain that were the focus of the battle in September of 1862. The petroleum perfume from a passing car said "outboard motor" in Matt's brain. Instantly he was transported to Sebasticook Lake where his grandparents had their camp. He was ten years old and grandpa Washburn was pulling the cord on the old Evinrude, blue smoke rose into the early evening air. Matt sat on the splintery seat in the canvas bottomed boat Katie next to him. Matt didn't think she should be with them as fishing was definitely a man's thing, besides she couldn't even put a worm on the hook and what would she do if she caught one? 

     As they putted across the lake to where grandpa said the perch were schooling he gave them a history lesson about how Ollie Evinrude had invented the outboard motor in 1907 because he was tired of rowing across the lake to get his girlfriend an ice-cream. Grandpa said a man could accomplish anything if sex was involved. He went on to tell how a young mechanic working in Ollie's shop by the name of Arthur Davidson went on to found Harley Davidson Motorcycle Company, he didn't know if there was ice cream involved in the Harley genesis story. 

     They reached the "hot spot" marked by a large boulder shaped like the prow of a battleship. Katie scooted up next to their grandfather and he baited two hooks dropping them into the water. Loons were calling and a great blue heron flew overhead reminding Matt of a pterodactyl. He day dreamed about dinosaurs imagining a t-rex coming out of the pine woods and ravaging the shoreline. A tug on his line brought him out of his reverie, the perch were biting and they soon boated a dozen. Nana would make a nice chowder from the ones they didn't eat for breakfast with scrambled eggs. As Matt reeled in another his rod suddenly bent under the boat, he held on for all he was worth yelling "grandpa I've got something big."  Grandpa reeled in his and Katie's lines, "hold on Matthew". Matt's fingers ached from the strain as the rod pulsed, the fish running side to side. Line stripped from the Zebco then stopped. "Reel him in quick." said Grandpa. Matt cranked the reel till he could see a huge dark green head holding on to the small perch he had hooked.  Matt tried to pull the fish into the boat but it spit out the perch and flopped back into the lake. Grandpa had an old patched net that Matt had never seen him use, now he swept it under the pickerel and pulled it into the boat where it flopped around. Katie was screaming "It's gonna bite me, it's gonna bite me." Grandpa dispatched it with one stab through the top of the head with his deer antler handled hunting knife. This was the same blade he pulled on Janis twenty six years later. 

     Matt was afraid to touch the monster but grandpa assured him it was dead, Katie peeked over their grandfather's shoulder. He picked it up gingerly the slime coating his hands, grandpa forced open the jaws so they could see the fierce rows of teeth. One of the canines sliced his thumb when his hand slipped. The fished measured at 32 inches, they took a picture of Katie holding it the tail dragging on the ground. It made a nice supper that night with potatoes, a little boney but sweet and delicious.

     

                                                  Chapter Seven

     On May 29th Matt reached the Pennsylvania line the seventh state on his odyssey. The next town he would have to call his sister. He hiked into South Mountain PA and found a phone at a general store, Katie wasn't home so he left a message. With time to kill he went into the store and bought a cold Pepsi, an ice cream, and the USA Today. Normally Matt wouldn't use that rag to wrap fish but the local papers were all full of high school sports and the latest town meeting. 

     The Patriot Act had been reauthorized, there was no sense in repealing that mistake Matt thought. An anchor had been recovered from the Queen Ann's Revenge, Blackbeard"s ship, the size astonished the archaeologists. "Perhaps old Blackbeard was compensating for something, that would certainly explain his behavior." A tornado had killed 139 in Joplin Missouri, A man had been arrested and banned from flying Delta for bragging to a woman that he had gas that could knock out everyone on the plane. "Perhaps he was just warning her that he'd had too many beef and bean burritos at Taco Bell the night before." A model in Atlanta died when she fell out of a tenth story window while wrestling with a friend.  Matt filed that one under "natural selection" anyone too stupid not to wrestle near an open window ten stories up was too dumb to survive. One less model in the world wasn't a bad thing anyhow. The best story however was the one about California's attempt to make porn actors wear condoms claiming they fell under the same law that requires hospitals to provide nurses with gear to protect them from bodily fluids. 

     The pay phone rang, it took them a while to figure out where to meet but finally decided where the trail crosses PA 443 in five days would be best. Katie lived in Willkes-Barre about a sixty mile drive from where they would meet. That night he announced his plans and Honey was vocally distressed. "If you get off the trail for a few days you'll get so far behind we'll never see you again." 

     "Oh I'll catch up." said Matt

     "No you won't, you're too old." she said "You'll disappear just like Frivolous." 

       To be honest that was on Matt's mind as well, he was concerned he wouldn't see them again. When they all got to Pine Grove Furnace State Park they stopped for the day. Faces East caught up to them and they had a communal dinner. Non hikers were invited to join as well. This was the half way point and Honey asked where the half way point was heading south. After dinner they all went to the park's general store where Honey would attempt to join the "Half gallon club". Hikers often attempt to eat a half gallon of ice cream in one sitting to commemorate completing half the trail. None of her companions doubted she would succeed. 

     Several other campers came along to witness the attempt, Honey had eaten five hot dogs and several helping of pasta salad provided by Jim from Jersey. "How come I can't have a half gallon of ice cream daddy?" asked one little girl. "When you hike a thousand miles we'll talk about it." said daddy.

     Honey spent twenty minutes agonizing over which flavor to choose, Nick suggested one that would taste good coming up as well. "Something not too chunky." added Buzz.   "Ha ha they think she's going to throw up." said the little girl.

     Honey finally chose vanilla as the easiest going down and sat at a picnic table for her attempt. As the spoonfuls went down the spectators became more animated chanting her name as she finished, falling back into Buzz's lap,  arms held up in triumph. "You are a mighty eater." said Faces East. Nick and Buzz raised her to their shoulders and carried her back to the campsite. The little girl skipped behind, "Hey mommy she ate a WHOLE half gallon of ice cream." she yelled as they went by an RV. 

                                                        Chapter Eight

     On June 5th Matt was sitting on the ground his pack resting against a tree next to PA 443. It was drizzling rain. He'd had an emotional goodbye that morning and now was tense as he waited for his sister, every car that passed made his gut tighten. Matt had changed into semi clean clothes hoping not to stink his sister out of the car, a Toyota Prius drove by then returned a minute later pulling over. A young girl leaned out the window, "Uncle Matt?" Of course she didn't recognize him it had been four years and he no longer looked like himself. his normally neatly trimmed hair was now a tangle of long curls, he had a beard, and was thirty pounds lighter. Matt barely recognized her either but there was no mistaking the Washburn nose, it was his niece Ashley.

     Matt walked over to the car, "That depends, who are you?" 

     "I told you it was him." she said to the driver. Katie got out and walked around the car to hug him, the girl did likewise. "Good lord you're getting big." said Matt. "You stink Uncle Matt." 

     "Ashley!" said Katie.

     "She's just telling the truth, you get so you don't notice it till someone points it out, these are my clean clothes." 

     "Here Uncle Matt this will help." she reached into the car and pulled  the air freshener off the rear view mirror. It was pine tree shaped and supposedly scented the same, though the pines Matt had been smelling the last couple months didn't smell anything like that pungent stench. They loaded Matt's pack into the trunk and Ashley climbed in back so he could ride shotgun, it made Matt think how we teach our children to be subservient, so much so they don't even think about it.

     "The trail is really easy to miss, if Ashley hadn't seen you sitting there we would have kept going." said Kate.

     Ashley had the air freshener in the back seat waving it under her nose every few seconds. She had a million questions for her uncle, apparently she hadn't inherited the Washburn reticence along with the nose. Katie tried to stop her when the questioning got a little personal like when she asked about bathroom breaks and did he wipe with leaves. Matt just laughed off his sister and answered his inquisitive niece. "Well it depends whether I have to pee or poo. I don't even slow down to pee but poo I have to find two trees really close together."  "Why?" Uncle Matt. "Well I hold onto the trees so I don't fall back into it. As for wiping I've often times had to use sticks."  Her nose wrinkled up, "Really?"  "Yup" said Matt, "Then I use it to start my campfire." 

     The inquisition lasted until they reached the Ellsworth mansion ninety minutes later. Katie and her husband Jason owned a two story house outside Willkes-Barre Pennsylvania. It was an older structure that her husband wanted because it had "character." Character turned out to mean a worn out furnace, water damaged foundation as well as being poorly insulated, but it was home for the family of five. 

     Jason was at work and the boys were at a friend's so Matt was shown to his room and specifically shown to the shower by Ashley. Matt was given a shirt and sweat pants two sizes too big for him, they were Jason's old cast offs. His own clothes were taken away like toxic waste, hopefully not to be burned but he wouldn't have blamed them if they did. 

     Something smelled wonderful when he came stumbling down the stairs trying not to trip on the voluminous sweats. Ashley was laughing, "Why aren't you in school twit?" he retorted.

     "Because it's sunday, don't they have calendars in the woods?"

     "I tried hanging one on the wall of my tent but the push pin ripped a hole so I burned it in my campfire." said Matt

     "Mom said we don't have to go to school on monday either." 

     "Calling a holiday on my account?" he asked his sister.

     "Well it's been a while I thought we'd all go to Jason's tomorrow for lunch." Jason's was his brother in law's restaurant.

     "How's the old hash house doing?"

     "So-so with the economy the way it is, people aren't eating out as much any more."

      "Dad says things are going to Hell in a hand basket." said Ashley.

     "Watch your mouth young lady, when did you hear him say that?" 

     "Last week when I went over to wait for you, he was talking to the health inspector."

     Katie dished out some pasta for Matt, "My salary pays most of the bills so…" she shrugged.

     "then how come I don't have my pack?" asked Ashley sticking her fingers in the pasta and slurping down a long strand.

     "What would you do with a pack if you had one?" asked Matt.

     "Go hiking with you uncle Matt."

     "Your parents wouldn't want you traipsing around the country with me. Don't you know about me? I'm the black sheep of the family, I consort with all sorts of bad characters." said Matt

     "Traipsing and consorting? Is that what you do out there? Who do you consort with?"

     "A fairly desperate cast of characters, Nick the pugilist a bare knuckled brawler from the mean streets of Portland, a muslim terrorist with a pack full of spices to corrupt American palates, Honey the Maw alias Picklepuss."

      "You're making them up." she laughed.

      "Nope, they're all out there along with many others." said Matt. "Still want to go?" she nodded her head.

     

      Later Matt talked to Kate alone, "You really think she wants to go or is this one of those things that will pass in a day or two?"

     "It doesn't matter she can't go, she doesn't have any equipment and she has school."

     "That's not what I asked." 

     "She's talked about little else since the first post card. I got her the maps for PA and she's memorized them. I go to her room to say goodnight and she has them spread out on her bed. Come here I want to show you something." she led him upstairs to her bedroom, over her bed was a poster of a foggy landscape, a man was kneeling in front of a sign. Matt knew the poster well, Janis had given it to him on their first Christmas. The sign was the weather beaten end of the Appalachian Trail. "They don't sell this anymore." he looked at his sister, "how did she get…" 

     "Maria sent it, we've talked a couple of times."  Matt was silent for a moment staring at the poster. The sign announces KATAHDIN, northern terminus of the Appalachian Trail.  The man's arms stretched above his head gripping the faded brown wood his forehead resting on the sign. He looked like a pilgrim at some religious shrine. You could see every mile of the journey in his pose, every blister, all the rain,  the snow, shoulders sore from pack straps, hips that ached from sleeping on the ground, isolation from family and friends. Maybe this trail, the peoples trail, was the great American pilgrimage. If it wasn't what was? Graceland?

     "Time isn't a concern." said Matt. "I'll be on the trail for another two months at least. Do you trust me with your daughter?"

    "What about equipment? I priced packs online and we can't afford it. Boots, sleeping bag.."

     "We don't have to buy brand new, well boots we will. Let me worry about it."

     "I don't know, let us think about it Matt." 

     "What does Jason think?"

     "He's been so wrapped up in the restaurant he doesn't think about much else." said Kate

     Supper was cooked over glowing coals in the back yard. Steak, corn, potatoes. Jason came home from work to do the cooking, some friends came over to meet Katie's wayward brother. His two nephews were shy, Sam, the younger, was the reason for his last visit. He'd come for the birth. Harold the older boy was named for his father. They were both made to be polite then released to be boys. 

     He stood near the grill with a beer while jason cooked. "So you want to take Ashley off on your hike?"  asked Jason. The way he said "Your" spoke volumes.

     "If it's OK with you I think we could arrange it." 

     "Is it safe out there?" again his tone spoke loud and clear, he made it sound like he'd be dragging her off to darkest Africa.

     "As safe as anywhere I suppose." His flippant answer was just putting anger lines on Jason's face so he tried to smooth things, "It's not dangerous out there and I'd keep an eye on her. I see kids younger than her out there every day."

     "How do you like your steak?" asked Jason.

     "On my plate." he said.

     Jason smiled and said, "Let's talk later." Matt took his plate and sat next to the high school principal while he ate. School budgets and test scores didn't harm Matt's appetite as he listened to the talk around him. It was tough to be in education seemed to be the gist. When the going gets tough the tough cut school budgets. An old story, sometimes he was amazed at how short sited people are. Cutting money for education was just another example of selling out the future to preserve the present. He thought again about the people who fought against Skyline Drive in Shenandoah National Park and felt more sympathy for their cause.

     Jason went back to work at seven and Matt fell asleep in front of the television. When he awoke Jason was standing over him holding a sweating beer bottle in front of his face. "What time is it?" asked Matt

     "11:30." Matt could smell the restaurant on his clothes, "Not bad for a sunday night, we did fifty seven dinners."

     Matt sat up, "thanks" he took a long swallow.

     "You miss that out there?" 

     "The beer? No, not much." said Matt. "I've never been a big drinker."

     "I doubt I could survive without it. So why should I let Ashley go with you?" 

     "Right to the point, OK what do you want to know?" 

     "I want to know my daughter is going to be safe."

     "Safe on the trail or safe with me Jason?"

     "You tried to kill your wife buddy, Katie makes light of it but I don't."

     "You think I'd harm Ashley?C'mon Jason. If you don't want her to go just say so, besides I didn't bring this up she did." Getting angry wasn't going to help and the only one hurt was going to be Ashley so Matt swallowed hard and went on. "Look the trail isn't really dangerous and she'll be with me the whole time, I'll keep and eye on her. As far as the equipment goes I'll pay for it."

     "I wasn't asking for charity Matthew."

     "My name is Matt and I wasn't offering any charity. Is it charity that you are putting me up here and feeding me?" 

     "You're family." he said though it didn't sound as though it thrilled him.

     "That's right and Ashley is my family and if she wants to do this I'd like to help."

     "You're family? Where were you after your father died? Katie needed you then and you ran back to Maine as soon as the funeral was over. Katie and I helped your brothers clean out the house and comfort your mother, your wife didn't even bother to show up."

     Well there it was plain as day, all the tension and isolation from family. The reason he was nervous about this visit. Instead of backing down like he usually would he got angry.

    "I had a reason to run back to Maine as you so Charitably put it, janis didn't want me to talk about it."

     "Janis didn't want you to? So was it the left or the right one?"

     "Left or right what?" 

     "Which little finger did she have you wrapped around?" 

     "Janis was having a mastectomy you ass hole."

     Silence from Jason, he rubbed his eyes. "Shit. I need another beer, you?

     "Only if you have some whiskey to chase it with." 

     Jason came back with two beers and a bottle of Jim Beam. "You want some water in that?"

     "Whiskey and water just ruins two perfectly good things." said Matt.

     They talked for two hours Matt heard about the declining business at Jason's, they were paying the bills but just barely. Matt offered to help which was dismissed out of hand Jason saying they had to stand on their own, taking charity never helped anyone. "Besides how much money do you have?" At that time Matt had a little over $400,000 in secured CDs, with no bills to pay he was pretty well set.

     "Shit! She set you up pretty well." said Jason.

     "It costs a lot to wrap me around your little finger." they clinked beer bottles.

     "So, you going to let Ashley hike with me?"

     "You really want her to? She can be a pain in the balls."

     "She'll be too tired to be a pain, as for equipment I think my trail angel would loan her a pack and sleeping bag, no sense buying them till we know she likes it."

     "Trail angel? I'm almost afraid to ask." 

     "That's someone who mails your supplies to you, sometimes they do other acts of kindness like mailing ipods or sending posters to little girls."

     The next day Katie and Matt had a long talk, when they were through she took him to the attic where some of his fathers things were stored. Ashley helped drag the dusty boxes  through the hole in the second story ceiling and down the ladder. There were papers and neck ties which Ashley announced she would be wearing to school. Here was a picture of his parents, father was accepting some award, he was crewcut and grim, mom had her 70s perm though it was 1986. "Why isn't grandpa smiling?" asked Ashley. "He wasn't a smiling for the camera sort of man." was all Katie said. There were some books and DVDs, a baseball signed by Rick Wise.

     Matt sorted through the books looking for some new reading material. "I don't remember father reading Steinbeck." said Matt.  Katie flipped open the book, "This was mom's." she said showing her name scrawled inside the cover. He chose Travels With Charlie and The Log From the Sea of Cortez. "Why not take this one Uncle Matt?" asked Ashley picking up a hard cover edition of East of Eden. "Because it's too big bumbass." "Bumbass? Don't you mean dumb ass Uncle Matt?" Katie looked disgusted, Matt said "Just think of all the new words she'll have learned by the time she returns."

     They looked through the DVDs, "Are you sure these were father's? Matt said holding up the Woodstock Documentary. "Yes" said Katie, "We got them from his den and no one but mom went in there and that was only to gather his laundry and dust once in a while." 

     "School tomorrow bumbass? We should watch this." Matt asked Ashley.

     "Nope, mom said we need to make plans and stuff Dinglepuss."

     Katie started to scold but Matt said "Oh I kind of like it but I already have a trail name." Matt had to explain about trail name and how they are acquired which started Ashley speculating about what hers would be. "… and it won't be Bumbass Uncle Matt." 

     Katie was looking at the DVD "Isn't this a little explicit?"

     "It won't be as bad as the time mom brought home Blue Velvet thinking it was a family movie." said Matt.

     "Oh my God I'd forgotten about that." They both had a laughing fit while Katie asked "What's Blue Velvet?"

     Matt called Maria and settled the equipment question then they went to lunch. Jason was interviewing dishwashers so he couldn't join them. They debated all afternoon about where they would meet on the trail then how she would get there. Ashley had her heart set on The Hundred Mile Wilderness in Maine, Matt tried to talk her out of it, that was one of the toughest parts of the trail but she was adamant , "I play soccer Uncle Matt. I bet i could run circles around you." 

"Not with a thirty pound pack you couldn't" he said.

     They decided to meet some time in August in Monson and she would hike with him to the end of the trail. Matt would pay for her ticket to Bangor where she would be picked up by one of their many relatives there. Ashley had never been to Maine he was sure they would make a big fuss over her. 

     Jason was home early so they had a family dinner, Matt insisted on cooking. Katie made him a Jim and Ginger then led him to the couch so he could watch the Phillies game. Matt cooked chicken pot pie and katie made a salad. It felt like home, many stories were told. Katie said "ask your uncle if he'd like some peas." 

     "Oh katie don't tell that story." said Matt, but she did anyhow. 

     "Your uncle hated peas but our father was a clean your plate kind of guy so Matt had to find new and inventive ways to dispose of them. One time he filled our grandmother's tea cup but usually he flung them under the refrigerator when father wasn't looking. Mom knew about it and when father would ask what she was laughing about she would just say "Oh nothing." So one year we had to replace the fridge, when they dragged that thing out they found about a thousand mummified peas. Matt turned to your uncle Sean and said We found your peas Sean."

     "Sean was so stunned he didn't even defend himself." said Matt.

     "So that's why there's no peas in this thing." said Jason.

     "Why do you think I insisted on cooking."

     After everyone went to bed Matt and Ashley settled in front of the TV to watch Woodstock. Matt couldn't believe this was his father's video, as far as he could remember Harold never showed any interest in music or hippy culture.

     "Who's that?" asked Ashley of the man in the big floppy hat with the kazoo in his mouth directing traffic. 

     "That's Wavy Gravy."

     "No way that's a flavor of Ben and Jerry's."

     "Named after him." said Matt pointing at the TV.  Matt tried to explain about the counter culture, resistance to the Vietnam War, drug use and free sex. She did a lot of giggling Matt could see how silly it all seems now, how could he explain the pressures of the day and the turmoil that preceded this event? All the talk of peace and utopia seems naive now even to a twelve year old. 

     Ashley was asleep on her uncle's shoulder and Jimmie Hendrix was playing to a sea of garbage when Katie came down stairs and sat on the arm of the couch. "I'm glad you're taking her hiking." she said, after a moment she asked, "How come you and Janis never had children?"

     Matt stared at the TV, Hendrix was riffing through the national anthem. Most people don't realize that when he played on the last day there were only a few thousand left to hear him. "I think we were too selfish to ever have kids." 

     She sighed, "Too bad I think you would have made a good father."

     "We had a father what we needed was a dad." he said

     "I miss him Matt." 

     "So do I but the problem was I missed him when he was alive too. He never gave much away, it seemed the only way to get a response out of him was to make him angry. I lived in fear of him while longing for his affections at the same time."

     "Damn you're bitter. You know there is a reason you don't have any contact with the family. I'm glad you're taking Ashley because I'm hoping it will loosen you up. We miss you Matt. You isolated yourself up there with that….woman." He started to speak she cut him off. "Don't say a word I have the floor and it's about time someone stood up to you. Everyone is afraid to speak to you, the oldest, father's favorite. Oh don't shake your head it's true. He loved you Matt just because he didn't show it the way YOU wanted doesn't mean…." Ashley was awake and staring at her mother. "Come on sweetie it's time for bed." She led her daughter upstairs. 

     As the closing credits rolled to the Joni Mitchell song performed by Crosby, Stills and Nash Katie came and sat next to him. "I'm sorry Matt."

     "Don't be you're absolutely right. Jason said that Janis had me wrapped around her little finger and he was right about that too. You know Katie I think this hike is the first totally independent decision I've ever made."  He could tell she didn't understand, how could she? One of the conditions of his divorce was that he realized no two people could ever really know one another. Besides he was only now beginning to understand the truth of the statement himself. All his life he had been swayed by the opinions of others, no that wasn't it either, more like he was absorbed by their life force. His decision to hike the trail was made in a vacuum devoid of any thought but his own. 

     Katie said "it's great to see you but it's really hard too. I love seeing you bonding with Ashley but I wonder if you are going to evaporate." he bowed his head and katie caressed his hair straightening the curls, "Matt you became invisible if you do that to my daughter I don't know that I could forgive you."

     He nodded his head without looking up. "OK but it's a two way street." He looked into her eyes. "I know none of you liked Janis and I'm beginning to realize there were reasons but don't you think I could have used some support? I loved her. I needed you. I needed mom. God damn it I needed something." She looked like the little girl he remembered and he reached for her, she fell into his arms sobbing, "I doubt Ashley would let me get away with disappearing anyhow."

     "No you're probably right about that." Katie said.

     The next day they took Ashley to the store to buy boots. Katie tried to push her towards the cheaper sneaker like boots but Matt insisted on full leather. "They will take longer to break in but will be better for her on the trail." 

     They made the long drive back to the AT,  Ashley was wearing her boots which she planned to try out when they got there. It seemed like a month since he had left the trail but it had only been two and a half days. When they pulled over the trail looked like a shabby hole in the world that would swallow him never to be seen again. He was reluctant to go back out there but he pulled his pack out of the trunk. There was a baked potato and chocolate chip cookies made by Ashley and katie in there. Ashley hoisted Matt's pack onto her shoulders for a trial hike. The three of them walked about a half mile, as far as katie would go. Ashley dropped the pack with a groan. "Don't worry yours won't be that heavy." said Matt. They hugged and Katie took a picture, "last known photo." laughed Matt. He adjusted his pack, picked up his trekking poles and set off turning once to watch them disappear into the trees then set his mind on the evenings destination. 

                                                      Chapter Nine

     Pennsylvania has slate much like Maine does but unlike Maine where it behaves and lies flat here it stands on edge. It is much like walking on the edge of a serrated knife bad for ankles worse for boots.  Maria would be sending him another pair of boots soon, unfortunately he didn't think they were completely broken in. That was something he had stressed to his niece, she had to wear them as much as possible to prepare them and her feet for the coming ordeal. He wasn't too worried as he imagined his sister would have to pry them off her feet to get her to bed at night.

     It was 8.7 miles to the William Penn Shelter where he stopped for the night. Matt wondered where Honey and the boys were. Probably fifty miles north by now he thought. There wasn't anyone at the shelter so he made a lonely dinner. He squirted some fake butter into his pan then a little onion and sliced the potato into the pot wishing for some of Faces East's spices then just wished for the man himself. He ate in the company of a chipmunk who kept scurrying around then stopping to look up at him as if to say, "Give us something to eat BITCH." He unzipped the cookies and broke a piece off which the rodent stuffed in his cheek and ran off. "Hey you could at least keep me company." Matt yelled.

     He rolled into his tent to do some reading, he dug out his mother's copy of the Log From the Sea of Cortez and flipped to the first page ignoring the introductions. It's a story about a scientific expedition that John Steinbeck and his friend Edward F. Ricketts mounted in 1940 to collect marine samples in the Gulf of California. It begins "How does one organize an expedition: what equipment is taken, what sources read; what are the little dangers and the large ones?" Sounds like John was preparing to hike the Appalachian Trail. Equipment had been job one for Matt, most things taken have to be multi purpose to save pack space and weight. Sources read were the many guide books published by the hiking clubs that maintained the trail. As for dangers he had expected the usual, cold and wet, furry critters large and small, twisted ankles, shin splints, sore muscles, hunger but he had encountered some he hadn't expected. Violence for one but the more painful had been heartache. He never expected to be making and losing friends while on this hike. 

     The book felt a little lumpy so he shook it and out fell a folded piece of yellow paper. Matt picked it up with some trepidation this was his mother's book and he had seen the Bridges of Madison County. Janis had chosen the movie of course. What would he do if his mother had had an affair with Clint Eastwood? It had set off quite a shit storm in the movie. He opened the paper it was addressed to "My dearest Jenny." It was from his father, that was a relief. 

   MY dearest Jenny,

     The glow of the bare bulb illuminates the barn, the cows are fed and milked contented sounds arise from the stalls. A strange setting to be writing to my love but I think of you wherever I may be. It may not be flattering but when I muck out the stalls you are on my mind, the softness of your hair, the delicate feel of your neck, that little smile you give when you are amused, these are the thoughts that sustain me through the long cold drudgery of my work day. I must leave this place but one thing drags on my soul- leaving you. The life I would build would be empty without my sweet Jenny to share it with and yet I hesitate to ask knowing your love of this place. To ask you to leave home and hearth, the family you love is selfish and yet I do. Come make a life with me and we shall write the blank page with our story.

Forever yours, Harry

     Well at least mom didn't have an affair with Clint Eastwood. He'd never heard anyone call his father Harry not even his grandmother.  His father loved his mother why was that such a shock? But it was. The man he knew wasn't emotional or affectionate, he rarely gave praise and was a stern disciplinarian, giddy love letters wasn't his style any more than Woodstock. It felt to Matt like the more he learned the less he knew.

     "It's often a shock when a child finds that his parents have a passion for each other independent of their children." said Jesus Christ.

     "I'm not talking to you tonight, this is my life and I'll work it out myself." 

Jesus gathered his robes around himself and unzipped the tent flap, when he exited Matt could see Janis outside shaking her head, Yosemite Sam turned away looking dejected, Spock gave him the Live Long and Prosper sign. Matt read for another hour but couldn't focus. He slept through the night. If he dreamed he could not remember them.

      The next day he started before the sun and hiked all day only stopping twice. It was midnight when he collapsed by the trail side, he just curled up where he lay and slept with his head on his pack. He woke the next morning to regrets, one in his neck and another in his back from not setting up his tent and mattress. More regrets dotted his face and hands where mosquitos had feasted unmolested. Matt figured he had hiked 35 miles the day before and more regrets arose from his feet and legs as he prepared for the day. 

     He hiked hard and fast not wanting to think but unable to stop, his thoughts a whirlwind the ipod couldn't dispel. For once Matt was driven from his day dream world where he usually hid from the world, no imaginary celebrities intruded. His day was filled with exertion and hard thoughts. Janis had insinuated he was a child, did she leave him because he never grew up? Was that why she never wanted children? Katie seemed to think he only saw the world through a narrow field of vision, maybe they were right. His few friends in life were people that didn't demand much from him or have expectations, why was that? 

     Another 30 mile day went by as Matt's mind drove his body to exhaustion. He avoided the shelters where people might be and set up his tent off the trail. He dreamed of a room that looked like his childhood bedroom, only it wasn't. Then it was a tent that morphed into a motel room. Janis lay on the bed sweating profusely, her auburn hair plastered to her scalp, she was in labor. Both, families were there, father looked pleased, he even smiled at Matt. Janis was pushing and the doctor held up a dark haired baby boy. When he went to lay it on her belly she pushed it away saying, "No I don't want him."  The nurse said "That's perfectly understandable dear." Matt tried to protest to find he couldn't talk and the nurse was wrapping him in a blanket and carrying him from the room placing him in a lonely crib. His father no longer smiling was comforting his mother who was crying. 

      The next morning started late, his feet and legs….hell everything hurt. He hiked a couple miles till he reached the Lehigh River bridge where he stopped for brunch. He climbed down the bank and cooked by the river, above cars crossed the bridge, people with places to go, the two day obsession had blinded him to what he loved about the trail. When the water boiled he took a package of chicken flavored noodles and smashed them on a rock to break them up [they were easier to eat that way] and dropped them in the pot. When they were done he added vacuum packed tuna and cashews. He ate watching the river flow slowly by, birds were working the area and a fish swirled, a dragon fly landed on his arm for a spell. It reminded him of Sandy Carlson who thought they would bite. Matt tried to assure her they didn't but Seth told her "Nah they just take little nips out of you." so she was never comfortable that day. Seth was always like that and Matt wondered why it annoyed him so much back then. Of course he had hoped to get Sandy into the bushes and out of her shorts but she was so nervous about what might be lurking out there he never had a chance with her. Then Seth's golden retriever Max brought a pissed off momma bear roaring out of the pucker brush which put a complete end to the day. Come to think of it most of his trips with Seth turned into some kind of Lord of the Flies kind of adventure, and Seth slept with Sandy a week later to boot.

     As the day waned Matt neared the Leroy A. Smith shelter, he heard a familiar voice call  out, "Call me Ishmael because I just crapped Moby Turd." It was Buzz returning from the outhouse. Beehive was getting a fire lit, Nick was cooking and Honey was eating a can of Pringles. 

     "Thank god you're here." said Nick "Maybe we can get some hiking done now." 

     "About time you showed up Mattie Boy, I doubt I could have slowed the boys down much longer." said Honey

     Matt tossed his pack down next to Nick and sat down. Apparently Honey had used every trick in the book to slow their progress, sleeping in, faking injuries, an unnecessary trip to town she cajoled them into, but it had worked. Matt was glad. He produced the last of Ashley's cookies to share. After dinner they smoked cigars he had bought in Willkes/Barre. They smoked in front of the fire Honey's mouth running so much she kept dropping ash into her lap.

     "Try taking that thing out of your mouth when you talk." said Nick

     "I know how to smoke." she said and dropped the cigar into her lap. "Oh shit" she jumped up smacking her pant as laughter filled the clearing, Matt was glad to be home.  "What's up with Beehive? he's awfully quiet." asked Matt

     "His wife asked him for a divorce, the letter was in his last mail drop." Buzz said

     "There's a lot of that going around." said Matt and went into the shelter where Beehive was laying on his mattress reading. "Sorry about your wife, you going to quit the trail?" 

     "No. I don't think so anyway." 

     "You're not going to go home and try to work things out?"

     "I don't see much point."

     "Maybe there isn't,  you would know better than I would."  They were silent for a while then Matt asked "Remember that song Man of Constant Sorrow that was such a hit for a while?" 

     "Yes, George Clooney sang it in that movie but it wasn't really him singing it. You could tell." 

     "My wife and I were at a bar one night and this guy was playing guitar and singing, pretty good too but mostly being ignored. When he played that song I pulled her out on the floor and danced with her swinging her around while her hair bounced and shone in the smoky light. I'll never forget her hair. He played that song twice that night, I think he played it the second time just to see me twirl my girl around again. That was the only time I ever danced with my wife. Life doesn't tell you when the best moments are you just live them then they are gone until they come back to haunt you later. If Janis was alive I'd do anything to get her her back." 

     When Matt went back to the fire he was trembling. Honey took his hand leaning close to his ear, "Good advice Mattie Boy I bet you fought like hell for your woman."

     "No I didn't Honey, I just let her go like she asked me to."

     "Why'd you do that?"

     Matt poked a stick into the fire till it lit then made figure eight motions in the air. "I guess i loved her so much I couldn't say no to her, I wanted her to be happy so I let her go."

     "Until you tried to kill her." said Nick spitting into the fire. 

     Matt laughed, "I didn't actually try I just pulled a knife on her. Scared her pretty badly though." 

     "It wasn't that skinny little blade you're carrying?" asked Buzz, "because the only way you could kill someone with that is to scratch them and hope for infection to set in."

     "Well I was hoping to sit here feeling sorry for myself but I see you assholes aren't going to allow that are you?" said Matt

     "Nope Mattie Boy no pity parties allowed." Honey puffed a big cloud of cigar smoke his way.

     "Were you so comforting to Beehive when he got the news?" 

     "Almost." yawned Buzz

                                                    Chapter 10

          A gap is where a river runs through a mountain ridge. In Maine they call it a valley but far be it for Matt to argue with the locals. Matt crossed the Delaware River into New Jersey and the Delaware Water gap National Recreational Area. He didn't understand the reason for so many different designations of wild places that were protected. National parks, national forests, national recreational areas, what's the fucking difference? He visited the information center just off the trail where he learned that the area had been created in 1965, the river was the main route into the Poconos and the Catskill regions during the 17 and 1800s. Blah blah blah, he found he was getting tired of historical signs, maybe the visit with his sister had soured him on the hike. This part of the trail wasn't thrilling him it was a little too tame, from every vista could be seen a town or highway. Pennsylvania I80 ran below Kittatiny Ridge where he was hiking today and the sound of autos though distant was a constant companion. 

     As he continued north he passed Sunfish Pond which his New York-New Jersey guidebook published by the Appalachian Trail Conference, Harpers Ferry, West Virginia informed him was the southernmost glacial pond on the trail. Whoop-de-fucking-do. He was beginning to wish Jesus Christ or Janis would come talk to him and relieve the tedium. 

     Matt guessed that if you lived in New Jersey the toxic waste capital of the USA this part of the state must seem like heaven but to Matt it was just a place to get through. A 1.5 mile side trail advertised Buttermilk falls, why the hell would he want to add three miles to his day just to see falling H2O? "Emerge onto a clearing and reach the Culver fire tower with excellent views." crowed the New York-New Jersey guide book published by The Appalachian Trail Conference, Harpers Ferry, West Virginia. Matt trudged by without even slowing down. "Emerge onto?" who wrote that some grammatically challenged through hiker who's brain was scrambled from too much starch in his diet?" Leave it to New Jersey to build a big ugly tower on it's highest point and nearby is the world's highest elevated cedar swamp. Yippee!

     "Mattie Boy you need a brain enema, your attitude sucks lately." Leave it to Honey to put it diplomatically. They were at the High Point shelter. 

     Matt said, "You know what Honey? You are absolutely right." 

     "As usual." she said although she looked surprised.

     Matt got out his maps. "I see by my waterproof New York- New Jersey trail maps published by The Appalachian Trail Conference of Harpers Ferry, West Virginia, there is the town of Glenwood on highway 565 about 15.1 miles north of here. The map advertises lodging and groceries, I say we go into to town and get shit faced."

     "Count me out." said Nick, "I don't want to see Honey drunk, she's bad enough when sober."

     "I'm with Nick on this one." said Buzz "Honey doesn't need anything to loosen her inhibitions."

     "My friends." said Honey. "What would I do without them? I don't think getting drunk is going to improve your disposition Mattie Boy."

     Matt was annoyed, what did it say about this country when you couldn't even count on teenagers to get drunk with you? "Fine I'll get trashed alone, that should do wonders for my attitude."

     The next night Matt was in Glenwood NJ where he found that the grocery store didn't sell beer. Apparently there was no law against it in New Jersey but most places just chose not to. Since when did anyone turn down a buck in this country? He bought a soda and the newspaper and went back to his motel. He ate some GORP and read the news. Obama wanted to be thanked for cleaning up the mess he'd been left with. "What the fuck has he cleaned up?" thought Matt. "It will be years before we can judge the effects of the Obama administration's policies but he wants to be thanked in advance?" It seemed that when he had won a Nobel Peace prize before doing anything it had set a bad example. In another story a man was kicked off a Delta flight for asking his neighbor "What the fuck is taking so long to close these overhead compartments?" during a 45 minute delay. Matt was glad to see he wasn't the only one with a bad attitude, at least he wasn't escorted off the trail by armed security guards. The Sox news was heartening, now 39-26 on the season and riding a nine game win streak. Matt could sense another glorious October ahead. 

     In the morning Matt was hitching out of town when he ran into Beehive heading in the opposite direction, he was going home.

     "I've decided to fight for my marriage." he said.

     The simple dejected way he made the statement spoke of looming failure. Matt dropped his pack, "Sit a spell, let's talk."

     They talked for over an hour of the many things they'd seen on the trail, Matt told of his own failed marriage and Beehive saw many similarities to his own relationship. Matt told him to go home with the same confidence he had acquired on the trail.  "What's your real name?"

     "Samuel Langhorn Clemens." Matt's silence made Beehive laugh, "My parents had a sick sense of humor." 

     Matt held out his hand Beehive looked at it for a moment tears welling in his eyes then accepted it Matt said, "Don't ever forget that campfire in Georgia."

     "Never." he said.

                                                 Chapter Eleven

     A long twenty mile day brought Matt across the New York state line to the Wildcat Shelter. New York was the ninth state of fourteen on the trail heading north. He was close to civilization now and it showed. The shelter was dirty and strewn with trash. Honey and the boys were there along with Faces East. There were a few other hikers he'd crossed paths with here along with a family of five who had set up enough tent acreage to sleep twenty. A troop of eleven boy scouts had commandeered the shelter the leader was barely out of his teens and was doing a lousy job of teaching "trail etiquette to his charges." 

     "I've got room in my tent" Matt told Faces East " there doesn't look like there'll be room at the inn tonight." 

     "Thank you Matthew. I am not familiar with your culture, is it customary to have such irresponsible youth leaders in your country?" 

     "Sometimes this is what you get when you ask for volunteers." said Matt

     "Yes of course, forgive me I should know not to judge the many by the actions of a few. Perhaps we could set an example."

     Matt looked around, "this place could use some cleaning up."

     "Exactly my thoughts." said Faces East

      While Matt gathered trash Faces East lit a fire. They found paper and candy wrappers, freeze dried meal containers, empty butane bottles, tent stakes, a ripped sleeping bag, tent poles, sweat pants, t-shirts times three, plastic bags galore, a mound of tin cans and a pair of worn out boots. Inside the shelter were bottles of bug dope, several half melted candles, three books, [one which Matt kept], a dog leash sans dog, some mouse eaten tea bags and a bear shaped bottle of honey. As the piles began to accumulate one of the scouts asked if it was their job to clean the site. Matt told the boy it was everyone's responsibility to clean the trail if you use it. 

      "But we didn't make this mess." he responded.

     "I know but neither did we." Honey and the boys had begun to help. "There aren't any janitors out here, it's up to us to take care of it."

     Faces East added, "Always leave a place better for your having been there. Take out your own trash but take a little more if you can."

     "What is this an after school special?" asked Nick

     "Words my father often spoke to me as a child." said Faces East

    Soon the scouts were helping and Nick shrugged at Faces East who clapped him on the shoulder and said, "It wasn't our words that convinced these youngsters to help it was our actions."

     Honey said "Yeah Nicky you were going to take a nap until Mattie Boy and FE  guilted us into cleaning."

     "I think you do yourself a disservice it was not guilt that convinced you or these scouts to do these chores. Sometimes i believe it does not occur to people to do a good deed."

     "Then why did it occur to you?" asked Buzz

     "Cuzz we're saints." said Matt

     "Saint Mattie Boy, that's rich." laughed Honey

       The flammables were tossed on the fire, trash bags that were brought to protect against rain were produced from various packs for the rest. There was long debate over whether the sleeping bag should be burned until Nick disgustedly threw it on the fire ending discussions. The boots were nailed to the side of the shelter like some hunting trophy. The campfire lasted deep into the night the hikers sharing there trail stories with the scouts. Matt's mind drifted to his youth and how his father had led similar trips, there was no lack of leadership then. Harold held a planning session the week before trips that would have been the envy of the Pentagon. Everyone had a printed list of necessary equipment and the day before departure there was a gear check. Once in the woods assignments were delegated and things mostly ran well. His father once told him "I don't come out here to work that's what I have you kids for." What he really was doing was teaching without seeming to. Matt would write to Katie and tell her of this night.

     In the morning Matt filtered water from the stagnant spring. It tasted like a mud puddle a dog wouldn't drink from. Water was often a problem on the trail, some days in Pennsylvania he hiked farther than intended to find a spring that wasn't dry.  Water filters were a must as most water sources were infected with giardia a nasty little bug that will make you shit your brains out for several days. Beaver fever was the colloquial term.  Faces East joined him at the spring, I apologize for snoring last night, I hope I did not keep you awake." 

     "Only half the night buddy." he slapped Faces east on the knee. A sleepy faced man with a grey beard joined them at the spring. A huge yawn then "Good morning."  It was his family with the tent city, they had not joined the cleaning party or the campfire because he had not known if it was appropriate. They were also exhausted from the hike. Matt wasn't surprised considering the amount of nylon and graphite they were carrying.  He was Ben from Binghamton hiking to Bear Mountain Bridge where his wife would pick them up. He was with his two daughters and their husband one of which was about to deploy to Iraq. 

     "Don't be shy about joining the fire tonight there's no reserved seating at the shelters. said Matt

     As they walked back to the shelter Faces East seemed agitated, Matt thought this man was imperturbable so he asked.

     "What's eating you?"

     "Eating me?" asked Faces East

     "Bothering you?" 

     "I do not know or at least I am not sure." he said

     "Is it that man's son in law going to Iraq?" 

     "Perhaps. I may camp alone tonight."

     "Why? Are you afraid of what he may say?" 

     "No I do not think so, I've seen the other side of this war even fought in some of the battles, America is not the only country fighting terrorism. I need to think Matthew."

     Matt left him alone and prepared his pack. The tent city was slowly and clumsily coming down. "Strike the tent." were reported to be Robert E. Lee's final words. That was a man who knew what war was. He fought long and hard beyond hope of victory against the country he had taken an oath to defend. He called the Union Army, "those people" because he could not think of them as the enemy having led many of the soldiers he fought against. How would Lee fight the war we were in now? How do you defeat an idea?

     Matt hiked north through what was once a very busy area, there were pits where wood had been burned for charcoal to smelt iron. Nearby was a mine that had produced iron to make Parrot guns during the Civil War. Thriving mining communities abandoned to the trees. There was a view of Manhattan to the south and a side trail that led nine miles to a rail line that would take you to Penn Station. Again Matt thought about leaving the trail but no, he was in it for the long haul. Five hours into the day he caught up with Faces East who was sitting at a side trail eating dried fruit. Matt joined him with some peanut M&Ms.

     "Matthew have you read the guide book for this region?" Near here is an iron mine, the ore was used to create cannon for the American army."

     "Yup, read that."

     "I have not read of your Civil War what were the causes."

     "The schools teach that it was slavery but that is the simplified version. Mostly it was greed and lust for power." said Matt "The north justified it as a war to free slaves while the south it was for freedom of government. Both claimed God was on their side."

     "Some of the same causes of the war now being fought." said Faces east

     "How do you figure?"

     "Why is the U.S. in the middle east? Why do their enemies want them out? Much like your Civil War both sides claim a worthy cause and invoke a higher power but in reality it is just rich powerful men wanting more power."

     Matt couldn't argue with that. Faces East continued, "I joined the police because it was a job, I soon found that many of my colleagues joined for power and often abused it. Do you realize that much of the world fears your military and see it as a great evil. Therefore I am reluctant to share a campfire with this young man tonight."

     "I've never looked at it that way," said Matt "still I think you should sit and listen. Who knows what you will hear."

     Faces East said nothing, he took a handful of the M&Ms offered to him. Matt began to talk of America's intolerance and Faces East cut him off a strange thing for him to do as he was always so polite. He waved his hand dismissively and said "Other countries are far worse than the United States, this country has such a diversity of people that the intolerance is mellowed somewhat. It is about being foreign, not from here, and if you are an outsider the rules of human conduct change. Soldiers take that attitude with them when they go to another country. The natives are the outsiders and what they do to them does not matter."

     June 19th at the William Brien Memorial shelter.  The man tossed a log on the fire and said, "Oh I believe in God, yes I do. He's there alright you can see his work all around us. His motives are what I question. Take red wine, scientists have been telling us it was good for you, something about the heart. Now they tell us it causes breast cancer. See that's God having his little joke. He's always doing that, telling us something is good then BAM the other shoe hits the fan. It's the damned apple story over and over again, the apple tastes good but eat it and you're screwed. So God messes with your head and you get people who abstain from things they love and others decide to punish themselves to gain God's love. What kind of being creates a person and says "go have fun but if it's the wrong kind I'm going to punish you?" 

     The fire was silent as were those sitting around it, thoughtful looks adorned some faces, Honey of course looked amused. The man continued "Then you have these preachers in Armani suits with $100 haircuts and a car salesman's smile selling the lord for donations to their 50,000 seat churches. Aren't they his employees? Why doesn't he do something about it? Heck if the kid at Burger King screws up your Big Mac doesn't the manager do something about it?"

     Matt had been in the outhouse so he'd missed the beginning of this conversation. Faces East had been advised by Matt to join this campfire now he gave him a wry look. Honey started laughing. "You don't get a Big Mac at Burger King you get it at McDonalds anyone knows that."

     "Well" said Buzz, "Maybe that's Burger Kings way of hurting Mickey D's business sending their employees to screw up Big Macs."

     This didn't slow the man who believed in God, "Whatever, the point is look around at all the crazy shit God makes man do." 

     "Isn't it possible that it's just human nature you are seeing?" asked Matt. "After all man makes god in his own image that's why we have a brown haired, blue eyed Jesus Christ from  the middle east. Not to mention he's Jewish and how many light skinned blue eyed Jews do you know?" 

    "Jesus Christ aint no Jew, he's a Christian." said the man

     "How could he be a Christian?" asked Buzz, "Christianity wasn't formed till after he was dead."

     "Whatever, he wasn't no Jew."

     "I wouldn't argue with Buzz mister, he doesn't open his face unless he knows what he's talking about." said Honey.

     "Yup." said Nick who had adopted the Maine affirmative grunt.

     Faces East said, " the Face of the divine is not a fit subject in my religion however I must agree that Jesus was not a light skinned man, as for the actions of people or the motives of God none of us can truly say what they are or how they formulate."

     "Your opinion don't count here." said the man

     Ben from Binghamton and his family had joined the fire this night and his son in law spoke up. "Why wouldn't his word count here?"

     "Because he's not a Christian or from this country."

     "So if you were in his country your words would carry no weight? Does truth become less potent when it crosses borders?" 

     "You'd soon find out f you had the guts to go overseas like I did sonny. Gulf War. Been paying for it ever since too." said the man

     "I'll be in Iraq in two weeks so I guess I'll find out for myself." 

      The man had nothing further to say on that subject, he soon repaired to his tent leaving the air considerably clearer.  Matt had to agree with the man who believed in God however, when you go someplace not your own your opinion and ideas lose their importance.

     "Why do you think man created God?" asked Buzz

     "To explain the unexplainable and because he's a coward." said Matt

     "A coward? I don't get that Mattie Boy." said Honey

     Buzz explained, "Because he's afraid of death sweet pea."

     "Personally I've always found the idea of God more frightening than death." said Matt

     "What." said Honey "Nothing's more scary than death." 

     "When I was a kid the thought of Santa Claus always watching scared the shit out of me. I was much happier with Christmas when I found out it was my parents. I guess God is the same only more so." 

     "Wow Mattie Boy you really are fucked up." said Honey

     Matt was no longer offended by the things Honey said, he long ago realized she was harmless. God and Santa Claus two omnipotent beings who watched everything you did and withholding awards if you were naughty. Of course the real watcher was society. Every move scrutinized and examined, how could anyone truly feel at ease? There was no one to judge you on the hike, it was when you went to town that eyes pried and opinions wagged. The young soldier seemed a nice enough man [boy really]. Honey was questioning him asking him very pointed questions. Matt though that combat might be a relief after a campfire with Picklepuss. Again she meant no harm, she just wanted to know things and wasn't afraid to ask. Matt had once thought she was stupid and clueless but her questions , while often showing naivety, were usually very intelligent. The young soldier accounted himself very well to Honey's inquisition, his wife however was not too happy with her line of inquiry. Matt tapped Buzz on the knee, "time to reel her in." which Buzz did by getting her to recount her card game triumph. As Honey told the story of cards, thunder storms, and fist fights [with her heroic deeds amplified] good humor was restored to the campfire. She had a gift for making people laugh or pissing them off. The ones who were annoyed by her were really missing out. Matt decided right then he would invite the lot of them to join him when he visited his brothers in Massachusetts. He didn't know what his brothers would think but he'd convince them. He even interrupted the recital to ask. 

     "Hell yeah we'll come." said Honey not even asking her two friends if they were interested or not.

     Buzz said, "It will be better than her faking injuries to slow us down again."

     "Yup." said Nick

                                                 Chapter Twelve

     The next day Matt crossed the Hudson River. He stopped for a while remembering that day over a year ago when he stood looking down into a similar river. This time he felt no desire to jump, progress had been made apparently. Faces East came huffing across the bridge just then his brown dome glistening with sweat.

     "You are not going to jump are you Matthew?" 

     "After you." Matt said with a gesture.

     "I will take a bath when I get to town." said Faces East

     "So what is your faith's take on suicide?"

     "Not favorable." 

     "Then what is your personal opinion?"

     "Why did you want to kill yourself Matthew? Was it to escape the pain of loss? Think of all you would have missed, you would not be here now watching this magnificent river flowing by while the sun warms your neck."

     A woman went walking by talking loudly into her cell phone, as with many people she didn't realize or care that the rest of the world didn't want to hear her conversation. Matt looked at his friend, "I'd have missed that too." They both laughed, the woman turned and gave them a dirty look. 

     "There is always a reason to go on Matthew, whatever does not kill you makes you stronger."

     "I had a friend who used to say whatever doesn't kill you just pisses you off."

     " Forgive me for being cliche." laughed Faces East, "will your brother be agreeable to all of us invading his domicile?"

     "Let me worry about that." 

     "I see. Well that does not sound promising but i am sure you will make the proper arrangements."

     The truth was he didn't know how his brothers would react to a bunch of smelly strangers camping out in their houses. He would make the call at the next town. he didn't really know his brothers that well anymore, they'd grown up together but it had been years since he had spent any time with them. They were still kids when he'd left for Maine now they were adults with opinions and thoughts he had no idea about. The "Great Washburn Family Reunion Tour" continued.

     Sleepless in his tent that night Matt tried not to think of the next leg of his journey and just sleep. His neighbors were two guys hiking south, they were sharing a tent and a radio which they took turns being in command of. Tonight the captain of the airwaves chose a classical station to listen to which annoyed his buddy. Beethoven's Ode to Joy was playing. 

     "Why do we have to listen to this crap?" came a voice from the neighbor's tent.

     "A little culture wouldn't kill you Fred." came the reply.

     "No but it might kill you." said Fred

     "Think how soothing this will be to sleep to all night." 

     "All night?" thought Matt.

     The singing started. "What is this? Russian?" asked Fred.

     "It's German you dope, this is Beethoven."

     "Well what are they singing in German?" asked Fred.

     "The name of the song is Ode To Joy so they are singing about how fucking happy they are." 

     "Probably singing about how fucking happy they are not to be Russian. You aint got no idea what they're singing about." said Fred.

     "I'm trying to enjoy this could you shut your yap?" 

     "Don't play that crap on me acting like you're Mr. Culture I'm the one got you White Snake tickets." said Fred.

      Matt drifted off to idiots arguing with a Beethoven backdrop. He woke to what sounded like Tchaikovsky. He went outside to pee, the stars were clear and bright. How many times had he stood draining the lizard while gazing up at the night sky? He searched for the Big Dipper as he always did then went back to bed. An owl was calling from nearby, another answered from a distance. A while later he awoke to Mozart and rustling in the bushes. A snort. "must be a deer." he thought. It was still dark when he woke again, Fred must have changed the radio station it was now NYC traffic reports. Some people have to bring the city with them when they escape to the wilds. A dog was barking in the distance. A patter on the tent. Was that falling pine needles or rain? One more episode of sleep before dawn. Snoring from the neighbor's tent. "Jesus Fred how does your wife put up with that?" The sun rose to the sound of robins searching for worms and Matt snoring.

     

                                             Chapter Thirteen

     The 21st of June Matt stopped at Canopus lake for a hotdog and ice cream before finishing his seventeen miles at the RPH shelter.  When he arrived Honey and the boys were having a lively debate about what RPH stood for.  "How about Raunchy Paunchy House?" said Honey.

     "Too rhymey." said Nick. "I'm thinking Rotten Pig Hut."

     "Rutabaga Pie Heights." said Buzz

     "Maybe it's Chinese, RuPuHu." said Honey

     "No changing your answer sugar thighs." said Buzz

     "Oh I'm sorry," Honey said, " I didn't know YOU had the rule book, how about Ripe Pigshit Hollow?"

     "I already called the pig references." said Nick

     "More rules, you boys are too hung up on rules. What do you think Mattie Boy?"

     "Oh I don't know, I'm too tired to think. How about Runny Puke Homestead?"

     "Man I thought mine was gross, that's a good one Mattie Boy."

     A young bearded man was drawing water from the pump in front of the shelter, it turned out he was the caretaker here and explained that the shelter took it's name from the Ralph's Peak Hiking Club. He then gave his spiel about leave no trace and such during which Matt went into the shelter. There was a  carpet on the floor. This shelter was obviously an old house modified for hiker use. The water pump was a nice amenity thought Matt until he drank the water which tasted like a rusty hinge. Yesterday's paper was inside so Matt sat down to read the news. Clarence Clemons was dead. Honey was flirting with James the caretaker and usually this would have totally absorbed his attention but he couldn't believe the news. The Big Man, Bruce Springsteen's sax man was dead. It didn't seem possible but why not? After all everyone dies but some are immortal through their works like Shakespeare, Beethoven, or Carrot Top. You go through your own life aging and evolving but an artist doesn't age in your mind because they are their work which doesn't change as the world does. Then one day you are in a shelter on the Appalachian Trail and Clarence Clemons is dead. Matt felt like crying. Hell there were people Matt knew his whole life who's death didn't produce a single tear. A friend once told him you don't cry for the departed you cry for yourself and how your life is diminished. Matt was born the year the world found out about The E Street Band with the release of Greeting From Asbury Park New Jersey. He discovered the band one afternoon in 1988 when a friend brought his fathers copy of the album to his house. From Blinded by the Light to It's Hard to be a Saint in the City they listened to it ten straight times drinking Pepsi and eating Doritos until they had absorbed every nuance of the album.

     "Hey Mattie Boy." Honey yelled because she couldn't get his attention. "James says about 14 miles up the trail is a road into to town where you can call your brothers and we can get a pizza."

     He shook himself out of his daze. "What? Oh, ok I"ll go into to town tomorrow."

     "I guess you didn't hear the WE in my sentence, I want some P-I-Z-Z-A." 

     "I suppose when you say pizza you mean pizza purchased by me?" asked Matt

     "Well who else?" she responded.

     At the campfire Honey was fawning all over James asking about his time as a caretaker. From what James said it sounded like Honey had experienced many more adventures than James. He found his annoyance amusing when he analyzed it. Was he jealous? Well so what if he was?

     That night in his tent he played Jungleland from the Born to Run album on his ipod. The song is an eight minute vignette of a brief desperate romance on a steamy city night punctuated by by a long searing saxophone solo by Clarence Clemons. A warm night he lay on top of his sleeping bag remembering another warm night with friends, pot and beer, and Springsteen. The downstairs neighbors at the Butterfield's Building called the cops at 2AM. He and Seth were in Bar harbor partying that weekend. The girls they were with were from Russia and working the harbor for the summer. When the rent a cops made them turn down the music Seth suggested they go swimming.  Seth was from Otter Creek just down the road so they piled into his Bronco and burned rubber for "the Crick." He pulled off the road at the end of a guard rail several mile down the road and led them down into the dark woods. As he led them through the mud and branches trying to poke their eyes out Matt wondered what kind of cesspool he was leading them to. They emerged into a clearing bathed in moonlight a granite ledge with water falling into a deep cool pool. They stripped naked and slid into the cool delicious water. The moonlight dappled their bare skin and try though  they did, neither of them got laid that night. Back in his humid tent Clemons' sax wailed into the night.

     On june 22nd Honey and the boys accompanied him into town for pizza, he called his brother Michael who lived in Worcester Mass. He didn't sound too thrilled to have a bunch of strangers in his house but they agreed to talk again in a week. Michael was an insurance agent who at the age of 32 had thus far successfully avoided marriage. He had been the one to sell he and janis the insurance policy that he was now living on. His brother Sean lived further from the trail in Woburn north of Boston. He was a musician playing violin for the Boston Pops. If they timed it right they would be able to see the Pops on the 4th of July and the fireworks over the Charles were always spectacular. 

     On June 23rd Matt spent the night at the Telephone Pioneer Shelter. That had to be the strangest shelter name yet. The boys and Honey were out ahead of him somewhere, he tended to hike slower than they did. Something to do with being older than they were. A fact Honey pointed out to him constantly. There was no real reason to hurry he had no timetable on this hike. His real problem was what to do when he was done. Half way through the day he crossed some railroad tracks and to the right saw a wooden platform with a blue bench, a sign above read "Appalachian Trail Station" On the bench was Faces East.

     "Not quitting I hope." asked Matt

     "No, I was just about to eat my midday meal. Would you caret to join me Matthew?"

     "What day is it?" asked Matt

     "I believe it is….You know I do not know what day this is." said Faces East

     A smile creased Matt's face, "Nice isn't it? I think the train only stops here on weekends. Why would anyone want to go to Grand Central Station anyhow?" 

     They sat in the sun cooking an extravagant meal, at least for hikers it was. They shared back and forth. Matt told about Clarence Clemons and Faces East said he'd listened to some Springsteen over the years trying to imagine what America was like. Matt asked why he had chosen the AT and faces East said he had always wanted to see this country. Matt then asked what his next adventure would be and Faces East said possibly New Zealand. Matt had never considered New Zealand but now he began to think about it. The conversation switched to Matt's motivations and he went into depth about his wife and their love of the trail.

     "You have deified her Matthew."

     "I've done what now?"

     "To deify is to worship. You have put her above yourself." 

     "You mean I've turned her into a deity?" 

     "To some extent I believe so. Your actions are guided by your feelings for her. She is more important than any living person including yourself." 

  

     "Shit. You're right. You know I'm sick of kissing her ass though it was a cute one." Matt said

     We all do it Matthew and often it is a deceased person we answer to, a father, a mother, some authority figure we strove to please. To what extent we allow them to guide our actions is the question."

     "Are you saying I should move on because I've heard that before usually from my own lips.."

      "No I offer no advice, besides advice is like a rupee, if I give it to you it is yours to spend as you will or save it."

     A train went by blowing dust and old newspapers over their meal. A page wrapped itself around Matt's arm. "What is the news?" asked Faces East

     Matt balled up the paper and tossed it towards a trash can, it rimmed out. "The news is I don't give a shit."

     "That is not news, that is common knowledge." said Faces East

     Matt laughed, "You don't believe that do you?"

     "No my friend I do not however I do believe that is one of the reasons you are on this journey. You wish to stop caring.:

     "Or to care more." added Matt

     

      

                                                                                   PART THREE: HOME

                                                                                          Chapter One

    1,434 miles under his boots. When Matt thought about it that way it seemed impossible. Another 744 to go, he was 66% done with his journey. The Connecticut state line was a few miles down the trail and that would make his tenth state, only four more after that. Faces East was cleaning his dishes and preparing to leave, Matt had received his new boots at the last maildrop and they were paining him a bit. He told his friend he would see him at the shelter later today and then did some first aid on his sore feet. It was called moleskin but what ti really was is an adhesive pad for hot spots on your feet. He could feel three spots that would turn to blisters if not treated. Blisters on the feet were no joke when you walked for a living. There was something about this however that he liked very much, part of it was feeling self sufficient which wasn't entirely true since Maria had to mail him his supplies, but mostly it was time. Time to sit on a sun warmed bench and do what he wanted which at this moment was bandage his feet. Later at the shelter when he checked his feet he found two blisters., he would be limping across the Nutmeg state.

    He spent parts of four days crossing Connecticut, it was a pleasant state with little elevation gain or loss. Stretches along the Housatonic River were quite beautiful, history was everywhere. This section of America had been settled for a long time, here was an old mine, there was a smelting furnace, covered bridges and supposedly George Washington's horse fell off one of them. 

     "You really think George Washington's horse fell off that bridge?"  asked Buzz, "I mean isn't it an old joke that he slept everywhere." they were at the Limestone Spring Shelter preparing dinner. 

     "Maybe old Georgie was drunk." said Honey as she tried to attach the propane bottle to their stove.

     "I doubt his horse was drunk." said Buzz

      "There was a movie once where Lee Marvin and his horse were both drunk." said Matt.  "I can't remember the name of it though. I think he won an Academy Award for playing two brothers who were both killers. One had a silver nose." Matt wasn't cooking this evening opting instead for peanut butter on a bagel. 

     "So George Washington and his horse rode drunk off a covered bridge? I like it." said Nick. "What's taking so long with that stove?" he asked Honey. "I can't get the damned thing to screw on." she said. Nick took it from her, "These threads are a pain." he complained.

     "Maybe he just fell asleep behind the wheel." said Matt while watching with fascination while Nick struggled with the stove. 

     "Maybe he was trying to throw a silver dollar across the river and slipped." said Buzz who was visibly amused by Nick's struggles. 

     "While chopping down a cherry tree." said Honey while laughing at Nick.

     "The real question is did he lie about it?" said Nick "I mean riding your horse off a bridge, how embarrassing is that?" he threw down the stove with an exasperated grunt. Buzz picked it up and calmly screwed it together, Nick snatched it away and lit it. 

      "About time" said Honey, "I was about to starve to death, my stomach thought my throat had been cut. If Georgie was drunk he would have gotten a DWI so I bet he lied."

     "I think that would have been a RWI there sweetie." said Buzz

     "Who was George Washington?" asked Faces East

      "He was the great powdered whigged, wooden toothed father of our country, incapable of telling a lie." said Buzz

      "He was our leading general during the revolution and then became our first president." said Matt pulling a dollar bill from his wallet to put a face to the name.

     "Incapable of lying? He would not do very well today in politics." said Faces East handing the bill back to Matt.

     "He stepped down after two terms when it would have been easy for him to become our monarch." said Buzz.  "He had the army behind him and many of the nations leaders wanted him to."

      "There's no way the people would have put up with that." said Nick

      "I don't know buddy." said Buzz, "the people were used to being ruled by a king so the concept wasn't as radical as it seems today."

     "Why did your ancestors revolt?" asked Faces East

      "Taxation without representation." intoned Honey

     Buzz expanded, "Merry old England was knee deep in war and swimming in debt so they squeezed the colonies for more money. Nothing new there but the colonies had been experiencing a series of bad winters that had killed the growing seasons for nearly a decade, climatologists call it a mini ice age."

     "Here we go." said Nick rolling his eyes. Honey punched him on the arm and Faces East asked, "So a few bad winters and new taxes started an insurrection?"

     "Pretty much." said Buzz

     "Do not listen to Nick, I would hear more of this." said Faces East

     "Well it wasn't just bad winters," he stirred some noodles into his pot with a peeled stick, "the growing season shrunk to just a couple months and the colonists were literally starving. There are always members of any society who want to overthrow the government but when things are fine and you have plenty to eat who's going to listen? People just consider them kooks, but when things are going to hell then the so called normal people start listening. Old King George played into the kook's hands."

     "I thought you said George refused to be a king?" said Faces East

     "Oh, well the King of England was named George the third." said Buzz

     "And he had some disease that made him pis blue." said Honey past a mouthful of food.

     "I saw that movie." said Matt

     "porphyria." said Buzz, "a genetic disorder that can affect the mental faculties."

     "Things are never as simple as they are presented, are they?" asked Faces East

     "Nope." said Nick, "what are you cooking now?"

     Faces East had drained the water from his pot and was adding fake butter, "These are dried chilis and dried oyster mushrooms from Bagalore. My brother cultivated and dries them himself." 

     "Keep that away from me. " said Honey,  "the last time I had one of your chili concoctions I farted blue flames for a week."

     "Your American digestive tract are not used to good food." said Faces East as he added some pre-cooked rice and panch photon spice. Fiery or not the smell made them all envious.

     "It must cost your brother a fortune to ship your drop boxes?" said Matt

     "It is not cheap but he can afford it. He runs one of the most exclusive restaurants in Mantri Square. He is one of the leading chefs in southern India."

     "I bet he could make Honey pass blue flames for a month." said Nick

     "Undoubtedly." laughed Faces East, "do you not find it interesting the reasons people rise up against their governments?"

     "Nope." said Nick as he boiled water for stuffing.

     "I have hiked across many nations over the years and I have always been struck by the amount of…I can not think of the word I want, however the masses allow themselves to be abused in so much of the world so I find it fascinating to see what it is that finally compels them to overthrow an abusive government."

     Buzz nodded his head while Honey asked, "What do you mean allow themselves to be abused? I mean don't you have to do what the government says?"

     Matt picked up the thread here, "Why should anyone have to do what someone else says?"

     "But…."

     "Does the government own you?" asked Matt

     "Well no….I guess not." said Honey

     "i think what old Mattie Boy is asking is are you a citizen of this country or a subject?" said Buzz

     "I wish you wouldn't use that particular adjective when describing me Buzz." said Matt

     "Yah Buzz, Mattie can't help being old, he doesn't need you to remind him." said Honey

     "Especially when I have you who does the job so well." Matt said to her.

     "The majority of people live under some form of oppressive government but why?" asked Faces east.  "They outnumber their oppressors so why not depose them?"

     "I think the answer to the question is, because revolution is a messy thing." said Buzz.

     "Exactly." said Faces East, "Have you noticed what is going on in the Middle East these days?"

     "Nope, don't much care either." said Nick as he added vacuum chicken to his stuffing. "Now if i only had some cranberry sauce."

     "Nick doesn't get much past the sports page before he starts the fire with it, do ya Nick?" said Honey. He flicked a piece of chicken at her which she tried to catch but dropped. She picked it up and flicked most of the dirt off before eating it. 

     "nearly the entire Middle East and many North African nations have risen in protest. Several government have been overthrown and there is civil war in Libya. Gaddafi s close to being overthrown." said Faces East. "For one country to do this is interesting but for an entire region…this is remarkable."

     "So how much of this have you read about Honey?" asked Buzz.

     "Don't be a booger Buzzie Boy.

     "I think we have our answer." said Nick slapping Buzz five.

     "Your country didn't resort to violence as i recall." said Matt

     "If you think there was no violence involved in our independence from England then you are much mistaken my friend." said Faces East

     "Well it wouldn't be the first time I was wrong about something." said Matt

     "Or the last Mattie Boy." said Honey

     "Enough about this crap, when when are we going to your brother's?" asked Nick

     "Sometime next week, I've got to call him again."

     "Man, I can't wait to see his face when we all descend on him." said Honey.

                                                               Chapter Two

     The adventure of how they got to Michael Washburn's house by July 3rd was a story unto itself. Separation, misdirection, injury all played a part. The kids hiked ahead and without a planned meeting place there was no way to communicate. Nick however rolled his ankle and caused a halt before they crossed the Vermont border so Matt and Faces East could catch up. Now how to get to Michael's which was about sixty miles away. A hiker told them about a bus line in Dalton which turned out to be a false lead as the company only rented buses to church groups and schools and such. Matt and Faces East decided to go into Pittsfield to try and find transportation, Honey decided the expedition needed some intelligence and came along. The search was fruitless and they ate at The House of India on Honey's instance figuring that Faces east needed a taste of home. It looked like Indian cuisine but Faces East said the dirt in his home town tasted better. Finally in a last ditch attempt an exasperated Matt left his companion at the post office and hitch hiked to a used car lot where he bought a 1988 Chevy Astro minivan which had 275,000 miles on it for $900. He probably, no make that definitely over payed but he was desperate.  When they got back to the shelter Nick and Buzz weren't speaking to each other, but at least they were both there.  The van's air conditioner blew hot air on the drive to Worcester which Honey insisted on pronouncing  Worchester instead of the proper pronunciation which is Woostah with the emphasis on the AH. The radio didn't work but there was a cassette tape in the glove box, Abba's greatest hits. By the time they got to Michael's Faces East had learned all the lyrics to Dancing Queen, Mama Mia, and was starting on Waterloo when the trip ended much to the relief of Matt's ears.

     Michael had a three bedroom ranch on the outskirts of town, three acres of land and a swimming pool. Faces east claimed he couldn't swim, Honey announced she would teach him. He didn't look thrilled at the prospect. The sleeping arrangements ended up with the kids setting up in the back yard while Matt and Faces East got the bedrooms. When Honey complained Matt pointed out to her that she herself continually pointed out how old he was and this was a privilege of age. 

     The Red Sox were playing at 2:00 so Michael ordered a pizza and hot wings. They all settled in front f the sixty inch plasma TV and Faces East got a tutorial in Baseball. The kids made up a game where every time a player spit, picked his nose, or scratched himself in a private spot everyone had to take a drink. Soda instead of alcohol since the kids were under age and the Muslim faith forbids drinking. Faces East found he enjoyed Buffalo hot wings though Honey claimed that compared to his food they weren't even warm. Although Michael had thus far successfully avoided marriage he did have a girlfriend who's son had a little league game at six. 

     

     Faces East had fallen asleep in his chair, a nice big recliner, they left him there while the kids went for a swim. Matt and Michael walked out to the driveway so Matt could retrieve his pack from the van.

     "That's a nice van you have there bro."

     "My other car is a BMW." said Matt

     "Really?" 

     "No, that's a joke like on the bumper stickers." said Matt.  " Actually my other car is a Honda with 226,000 miles on it." 

     Michael stuck his head in the door to look at the odometer, he whistled. "Between the two you have nearly half a million."

     "My body feels like twice that right now, I'm looking forward to a bed tonight. Do we really have to sit on aluminum bleachers?" he dragged his pack out of the back.

     "No I have some folding chairs we can bring, you don't have to go if you don't want to." Michael opened the door and Matt did the sideways shuffle backpackers do so their packs clear door frames.

     " I'd like to come, it's all part of the journey." said Matt. Michael gave him a dubious look, "I know how that sounds but the main thing I've learned on this hike is that no matter how much you planning you do the trip takes you not the other way around."

     Michael looked like a man being sold something, salesman are the hardest sells after all. The concept of a journey taking you didn't appeal to him as every facet of his life had been planned and the plans adhered to. Michael was a branch manager for a well known insurance company, he had started right out of high school and never wavered. Matt would bet real money that the house and every thing in it were paid for. Michael took after their father who didn't believe in buying something unless it could be paid for up front, he didn't believe in 33 year mortgages either saying, "Why should I be paying for the bank manager's Mercedes?" This probably explained why Michael wasn't married as relationships don't adhere to plans. It occurred to Matt that janis might have made a better wife for Michael than she had for him.

     "Well your trip looks like it's been taking you down the road of starvation, you look like you've been on the Bataan death march."

     "Yup I've been on the Appalachian Trail diet, lose thirty pounds of ugly fat in just 2,100 miles. Just like Weight Watchers eat whatever you want and still lose weight." Matt unloaded his pack laying the wrinkled contents out on his bed.

     "Damn what a stink. I'll have to fumigate this room after you leave." Michael tried to sound like he was joking.

     "Yup things do ghetto a might fragrant out there, just be glad you didn't have to pick us up, you wouldn't want to be in a closed place with us." He pulled his sleeping bag out of it's compression sack which always reminded him of clowns piling out of the little car at the circus. "Where's your washer?"

     Michael asked, "How do you get that in there?" so Matt showed him how compression sacks worked to make soft items like clothes and sleeping bags into smaller more compact loads. They stuffed Matt's things into the washer Michael commenting on the smell again.  "Father never took you camping did he Mike?" 

     "You know he didn't. Don't know that I would have liked it anyhow." said Michael though his tone said otherwise.

     "Well he never got involved with my little league games like he did with you and Sean." said Matt

     "Waste of time with Sean." grunted Michael. Sean had always been more into music than athletics, he could play any instrument that crossed his path. He turned it into a career and was playing violin for the Boston Pops. 

     "Are you going to the Esplanade tomorrow?" Matt asked. The Esplanade was a park in Boston on the banks of the Charles River where one of the countries largest 4th of July celebrations was held, the Pops performed every year before the fireworks. 

     "Wouldn't miss it, you want to come?" said Michael.

     "Wherever the journey takes me man." 

     "You know this existential crap could get old." said Michael, Matt just laughed.

     Michael's girlfriend was named Susan, she was an accountant with an ex husband in the Army and a ten year old son who couldn't play baseball to save his life. Honey and the boys nearly emptied out the concessions stand which was the tradeoff for all the weight loss, when you got to town you ate everything in sight. Some days the thought of every meal you ever ate dominated your thoughts and you start craving things you don't even like. It must be similar to what pregnant women experience. Faces East found that he definitely did not like hot dogs. "We do not eat dog in my country though I have eaten it on one of my journeys. It did not taste remotely like this." he said as he dropped the dog in the trash can.  The look on Michael's and Susan's faces made Matt quickly change the subject.

     It was a typical little league game slow paced and cheerful with a lot of walks. Any team with a pitcher who can throw strikes at that age always does well. Neither of these nines had such a creature. The sun was westering when the game ended sending it's low slanting rays across the field as the teams lined up for hand shakes then ran off for ice cream their long shadows bouncing across the grass.

     That night Matt and Michael sat in the soft glow of the outside light drinking scotch and talking. Michael spoke off his life and job sounding to Matt like he was bragging to his big brother. It sounded a lot like preaching too, to Michael Matt's life must seem like a waste.

     "You know you are the only one that calls me Mike anymore. Why is that?"

    "I don't know, I guess it's 'cause you're my kid brother." said Matt. "At least I don't call you Mikey any more."

     "Well I guess that's progress." said Michael. "Why don't you move down here and I'll set you up with a job?" 

     "You mean set me up with an office, a secretary and two martini lunches and all that?" 

     "It's done alright by me, besides what are you going to do?"

     "You've got your life figured out and now you are going to put my life in order?" asked Matt

     "If I hadn't sold you that policy where would you be now? I practically had to ram it down your throat too." said Michael.  Michael took a long swig and refilled his glass with ice and scotch. It was damned good scotch too thought Matt. He looked at the bottle, it was 18 year old Macallan, that had been his father's brand. He remembered how his father had tried to educate his sons about good whiskey. 

     Michael was still going on,"I don't see why you can't give it a try Matt, a steady job, find a good woman. Rejoin the family you know what i mean?"

     Matt was annoyed and touched by his brothers entreaties but there were other things he was learning on this journey. He asked, "Do you love what you are doing Mike?"

     "Yah I like it just fine." he sounded a little defensive.

     "I mean do you LOVE it? Does it crawl under your skin and live there or is it just a means to an end?" 

     "What difference does it make Matt?" 

    Matt poured himself a couple fingers of scotch and held it up to the light admiring the rich amber color then breathed deeply taking in the aroma. "You like ice in your scotch." it wasn't a question. "Do you remember father's lessons on scotch?"  Michael smiled nodding, swirled his glass making the ice cubes clink. Matt continued, "This scotch was made in Speyside Scotland from the same springs they've been using since the 1820s."

     "1824 near the confluence of Ringorm Burn and the River Spey." said Michael.

    Matt nodded  "And they only use sixteen percent of the spirits distilled then age it in Spanish oak casks that have been seasoned with sherry for eighteen months. Eighteen years in that cask before they even bottle it and during that time up to forty percent of the whiskey can evaporate." 

     "The Angel's Portion." said Michael.

     "You think after all that the makers of this fine sipping whiskey want you to dilute it with ice?" Matt paused to let the point sink in, "I don't want ice in my scotch bro.  How much do you pay for this anyhow?"

     "$109 a bottle, I get a better price by the case, you'd pay $140 at the packie. This is nothing though me and my golf buddies have a 60 year old Macallen in a safety deposit box at the bank. Saving it for new years."

     "How much was that?" asked Matt

     "$12,000 split four ways."

     Matt choked on his drink, "Michael Stanley Wasburn you shelled out 4gs for what, three shots of whiskey? You aren't going to ice that down are you?"

     "Hell no, father would rise up from the grave if I did." 

     They were silent for a while then Matt said, "I wish he could have seen the Sox win the series."

     "Why?" asked Michael, "He didn't care about baseball." By baseball Michael meant the Red Sox. In Boston they have a saying, "Baseball isn't a life and death matter but the Red Sox are." Michael went on, "He liked the Patriots OK, got real excited when they beat the Rams in the Super Bowl but the Sox? I don't ever remember him even looking at the standings. "

     Matt had forgotten or just never realized  that Michael never experienced their father's passion for the Sox, it had ended so long ago. "I don't remember everything Mike but what I do remember is as clear as this glass in my hand. You're too young to remember '78 and the Bucky Fucking Dent game." 

     Too young or not every Sox fan had this one by rote, how Mike Torrez served up a meatball that the light hitting Yankee shortstop had hit into the screen to beat Boston in a one game playoff after the two teams had tied for first place in 1978. 

     " I watched the game with father that afternoon, he was so intense Mike that when Yaz hit a homer in the second inning off Guidry he didn't cheer so much as he yelled at the Yankees with his fists balled in front of him. I was scared, it seemed like something terrible was going to happen. Here is the thing nobody remembers Mike Torrez was pitching a three hit shutout when Dent hit that home run. The pitch before he fouled off his badly damaged ankle, the trainer had to work on him for like five minutes before he could even get up, then he hits the fucking homer. Father sat silent for the next two innings. I was too scared to move it seemed as though he was going to explode or burst into flames. When it was over he poured himself a drink and sat in the yard. I don't think he ever watched another game after that. Imagine loving something that much."

     "Sounds more like hate." said Michael.

     "The two go hand in hand I'm afraid." 

     Matt woke at 10:00 with a scotch headache, father hadn't taught them how to avoid that. The house was a bustle of activity, Susan and her son were there and he had brought two friends. They were splashing in the pool. Honey yelled out the back door, "Hey, you brats don't get my tent wet."  Michael was marinating flank steak, Faces East was preparing lamb. 

     Michael gave him a wry look, as he passed he said "Lightweight" in Matt's ear. 

     "Don't see much whiskey on the trail." said Matt as he ran a glass of water to wash down some ibuprofen.

     "I don't much like that girl calling Willie a brat." said Susan. Matt's headache got a little sharper.

     Susan had also brought  Max her golden retriever who was making the rounds to see what he could glean from the paper plates. Faces East attempted to retrieve a juice soaked plate from his mouth only to be rebuked with growls. "Put him on the grill." yelled Buzz. "Show him who's boss, eat his ass." laughed Honey. Nick shoved her into the pool, she came up sputtering, "You fucking asshole." 

     "My son really doesn't need to hear that kind of language." Susan said to Michael.

     "Honey could you tone down the language?" asked Matt

     "Sorry Mattie Boy." she pointed at Nick and silently mouthed the word asshole.

     Later in the afternoon they all went to Union Station to catch the train into Boston for the 4th of July festivities. Many people spend the whole day on the Esplanade so they were pretty far away from the stage. Lionel Ritchie had been slated to perform but cancelled due to strained vocal chords. Matt thought they had been spared but he had been replaced by Martina McBride. 

     At 8:30 there was a fly over by some military jets and the concert started at 9:30. Honey and the boys wandered off with strict instructions to be back when the fireworks started. McBride put on a nice show then actor Michael Chikilis sang a cheesy song he had written for the troops. Matt's favorite was when the Pops played the old Queen hit Bohemian Rhapsody, the whole crowd was singing along. The kids showed up during the tune and despite not knowing the lyrics attempted to sing along anyhow. Faces East seemed dazed by the whole thing, he couldn't believe it was all free. 

     Then came the finale the 1812 Overture complete with canon fire and church bells ringing out in all the nearby neighborhoods. This was the sixth time he had witnessed the event and it still raised goosebumps on his body. As he watched Honey, Buzz and Nick jumping around the grass he was transported to his youth when Arthur Fiedler conducted the Pops. His father was here as was Sean and Katie, and a younger Michael, clapping and cavorting as the kids were today. The fireworks started soon after and Janis was there as he knew she always would be. He found he was crying a little.

                                                      Chapter Three

     The next day was back to the trail day. Michael wanted to take them to a Sox game but they had to depart, the kids had a time limit because of college. They drove the van back to the departure point the Abba starting soon after they left. About ten minutes from Michael's the engine light came on so Nick put a piece of duct tape over it so Matt wouldn't be distracted. Matt felt exhausted, wiped out by too much food, reveling, and memories, not forget scotch and beer as well. The trail would be a relief. When they arrived Buzz asked what he was going to do with the van. "Just leave it here." said Matt.  Honey laughed, "Mattie Boy you crack me up just abandoning a perfectly good vehicle."  "Your idea of good is different from mine, besides it's an old Maine tradition." said Matt.  Faces East just shook his head and hoisted his pack.

          Matt and Faces east hiked together, the Indian was silent. After morning prayer they sat eating a snack, "Thank you Matthew for inviting me to your brother's, I never would have suspected such a thing."  "What? That I had a brother."  Faces East laughed, "Your sense of humor is subtle, for some time I did not realize when you were making a joke, no, I meant the celebration of your independence. That it was free still amazes me, but what I have been ruminating on and finally have figured out was how relaxed and easy it was."  "I don't follow?" said Matt.  FE expanded, "I have never been to such a large gathering where the threat of violence did not loom overhead. Something seemed out of place all during the concert and today I figured out what it was, it was a lack of fear." 

       Vermont is where the north woods really start, the dense hardwoods are interspersed with more coniferous trees. Beaver bogs make puncheons more prevalent. Puncheons are the hikers best friend and worst enemy. The half log walkways keep the boots out of the mud but can be like walking a tightrope and when wet are slicker than a snotty doorknob. Vermont is also home to America's oldest long distance hiking trail, The Long Trail, which runs 272 miles from the Mass. border north to Canada. The AT follows it for 100 miles north until Maine Junction where the AT heads north east towards New Hampshire and eventually Maine.  As Matt hiked he was reminded of the life that once inhabited the AT corridor, along the path were cellar holes and moss covered foundations. North he hiked past chairlifts on Big Bromley Mt., through Mad Tom Notch and into the Peru Wilderness, past Old Job Shelter, Lost Pond, and across the suspension bridge over Big Branch River. 

       July 8th, at the Big branch Shelter in Vermont. His trail name was Chef which was fitting since that was his real world occupation. At the campfire he told his story. He had been a chef in New Orleans, pronounced N'orlans, when Katrina hit he packed his white work coats with the big buttons across the front, his knives and climbed into his Bronco heading north. His apartment was full of water and his profession drowned. he worked in New York for several years then Boston, a man without a country. Finally tired of "Yankees" he took a position as the vegetarian chef in a buddhist retreat in northern California. the work was easy compared to what he was used to and the fare was easy to prepare, and he was healthier than he ever had been eating all that cajun food in New Orleans, but he wasi  unhappy. "Just once I wanted a juicy thick steak with baked potato and sour cream washed down with a good bottle of wine. I'm not used to such a serene environment. New York was like a foreign country but you could yell FUCK in the kitchen, and I was 'expected' to attend classes. That was the worst part, if I didn't attend they were so damned understanding about it. Shit! I thought I was going to burst at times, I'm such a mouthy sarcastic bastard my whole life is like an episode of MST 3000. I bit my tongue so often I got callouses."  Honey laughed,  "I loved that show, Nick's daddy had a bunch on tape and we'd watch them on saturday night when he got home." So one day Chef was talking to one of the "inmates" who told him about hiking the Appalachian Trail, and here he was. 

       

      "A steak would be nice right now. " said Nick   Chef said, "I'd go to town for a burger once in a while and I swear they could smell it on my breath, or in my sweat. The way they looked at me was creepy."  "Man i think you're fucking paranoid." said Honey  "Maybe, but I felt like that guy at the end of that movie Invasion of the Body Snatchers when he's the only human left." said Chef.   "I've always felt that way." said a hiker named Cannonball  "Not me" said Nick "I'm the only normal one here"   "How 'bout you FE?" asked Honey who had been calling Faces East FE for about a week.  " I do not know of this movie, however if it refers to being disenfranchised then I believe we all feel that way at times if we have any self awareness."   "Especially if you've been divorced." added Matt

       MST 3000, Matt remembered that show, he and Janis had made it a Saturday night ritual early in their relationship. Matt would be home first because the hardware store closed at 6:00 on saturday. janis was working as a waitress to supplement her income in the pre-vice president days. Matt would make snacks and get a cheap bottle of wine. She usually got home about 10:30, took a shower to wash away the diner stink, then they cozied up on the couch under a blanket with the lights out. Mystery Science 3000 was a show on the Sci-Fi network, the basic premise was three guys watching bad movies and making fun of them. Other than the fact that they were in a movie theatre on a space ship and two of the guys were robots it was just like Matt's youth. He and his siblings drove their parents crazy commenting on the TV shows. Janis would usually be asleep half way through the show, snoring softly with her head in his lap, Matt would watch the rest by himself trying not to laugh too loud. The show was cancelled in 1999 but continued on in reruns till 2004, but by then Janis had less time for such silliness. 

        The Green Mountains passed under Matt's boots as he hiked north, not only over mountains but through pastures where gates had to be closed behind you. His journey was nearing it's end but the hardest part was ahead. 

         "What are you going to do when you're finished?"  it was janis

          " I don't know, stop bugging me." said Matt

          "Same old Matthew, no plans, no ideas, no ambitions." 

          "I know what you thought of me, there's no reason to….. oh just shut up will you."

         "MST 3000? You're living in the past Matthew, let it go. I'm not coming back any more than that stupid show is. " she said

         "I'll tell you what babe I've just decided what I'm going to do, when I get home I'm going to spend some of your insurance money to buy as many MST episodes as I can." 

         "Then what Matt? Sit there alone and wallow in self pity? "

         "Why not? I never realized what it would be like to lose a great love because I'd never experienced it before, shit I didn't even suspect what it was like. Then when it was gone it was like this big balloon had been inflated inside of me and when it was gone the place where it had been was still there with nothing to fill it."

         "How poetic." she said

         "Go away Janis."

         "You keep me here Matthew."

        "Yes I do, now be a good girl and be quiet."

        "It doesn't work like that" she said

        "Then how does it work?" but Janis was silent

                                                         Chapter Four 

         New Hampshire loomed ahead, the rugged White Mountains, with the Presidential Range and the hut system.  The Appalachian Mountain Club runs a series of "huts" in the Presidentials where hikers pay to stay and be fed. Above the tree line the camping and water are scarce, many hikers dislike the AMC claiming they are elitists catering to the wealthy people from New York and Massachusetts at the expense of the "true hikers." To Matt it was just another part of the experience, the complainers seemed like the same people who felt they didn't have to pay to get into Woodstock. 

         Utopian;  Modeled on or aiming for a state in which everything is perfect; idealistic.

         Idealistic;  The practice of forming or pursuing ideals esp. unrealistically.

       Many who hiked the trail had the "Woodstock" mentality, thinking the AT was utopia not realizing the work and money it took to maintain. The Appalachian Mountain Club that they liked to complain about predated the trail by a half century and is one of the biggest maintainers of the AT.  Those "rich elitist" often were the ones who donated their time and money to keep the trail running. Woodstock didn't just happen and the AT is no different, it has to be maintained and fought for every year, from condos in Georgia to wind towers in Maine the trail is under constant encroachment from civilization. Nearly 100 million people live within a days drive of the trail, that this strip of wilderness exists at all is a miracle of the American spirit, elitists included.

         Matt wearily trudged across the bridge into Hanover New Hampshire, it was after dark and the lights sparkled on the Connecticut river as it flowed beneath him.  Hanover is the home of Dartmouth College which has the oldest collegiate outing club in the country. All Matt was interested in however was a room for the night.  After some searching he found the Cheftain Motor Inn a couple miles from the trail. Though it was late he went down to the pool and soaked for a while. There was a wrinkled news paper that he took back to his room. Celebrity birthdays- Harrison Ford, Cheech Marin, and Patrick Stewart. He turned on the TV to catch the Sox score and found out that George Steinbrenner had died. 

         All true Red Sox fans hated George Steinbrenner because he owned the Yankees who made a habit out of being better than the Sox. Matt was no different but he had a grudging respect for the old bastard, he also believed that if not for the Yankees the sox wouldn't have been pushed to be as good as they were now. He now thought what a travesty it was that Steinbrenner hadn't been elected to the Hall of Fame,  as usual the electorate waited too long and now it would be too late for the elected to enjoy it. 

         A restless sleep stole over Matt, in it he was visited by three ghosts, none of whom were dead. He and Indiana Jones were trekking across the Green Mountains searching for something, he just didn't know what. Indiana had his whip in  hand cracking it at dark shapes in the trail ahead, Matt couldn't see but he had the distinct impression they were sports writers. At the next shelter, which strangely had bleacher seating, they found Cheech Marin smoking a fat joint. The air began to shimmer then Captain Piccard of the Star Ship Enterprise appeared, Cheech said "Wow this is some really good shit man!"  Piccard was going on about some some vision of a brick building in a country setting, Cheech offered him a toke. Matt said "You're not the real captain of the Enterprise." Piccard rolled his eyes "If I have to hear about Kirk one more time…"  "Dude, don't worry about that shit, here have a hit." said Cheech   Piccard took a long haul and held it, then exhaled a stream of smoke.  "If you only knew how often I had to hear about Captain James T. Kirk and his exploits, all the times he saved this planet or fucked that woman. I checked the medical records and he was treated for 37 different types of venereal disease, he had Rigelian crabs four times, and transmitted Romulan herpes to twelve different women, and yet he's revered as a hero across the galaxy. Do you know how long Vulcans live?"  Matt shrugged his shoulders and gave Indiana an exasperated look.  "Well I'll tell you how long" said Piccard  "long enough to blow in my ear about Kir…."    Spock neck pinched him.    "Good work Spock" said Kirk   "Thank you captain"   Kirk said "I thought I told McCoy to erase those records."  "The good doctor is often lax in his duties captain."said Spock.  From the top of the bleachers came clapping, Janis was up there giving them grief,   "Phasers on stun Mr. Spock." ordered Kirk. "It's not that easy" she screamed   "Blast her" said Matt

      Matt woke and went to the bathroom to piss and wash his face. Blast her indeed, if only it were that simple. 

      He went back to sleep, Now Indiana, Kirk, and Spock were with him on the trail. Piccard was trailing behind whining about Kirk this, and Kirk that. Kirk looked at Spock and gestured back with his head. Spock dropped back a groan and thud were heard and peace was restored to the trail. They pushed through the underbrush and ahead there was a shadowy platform with a plaque on top. Figures came at them from the surrounding woods, Indiana was cracking them with his whip while Spock and Kirk were firing phasors, Spock was bitching about the prime directive, Kirk was saying the prime directive didn't apply to sports writers. Matt dashed forward to snare Steinbrenner's plaque they then made their way back to the trail, behind them could be heard Janis laughing.   When they got to the next shelter Indiana lit a torch, when they looked at the plaque it wasn't the likeness of the Yankees  owner but Curly from the Three Stooges. 

     Matt woke again and turned on the TV and switched channels till he till he found something palatable which happened to be Star Wars. "Vader would know how to deal with Janis" he thought. 

     Back in dream land the troop wearily trudged up a steep mountain trail, Matt still had the plaque, they were nearing Cooperstown but a dark shadow blocked the trail. "I am very disappointed in your lack of success." said Darth Vader. A dark man shape with a microphone could be seen lurking in the shadows.  "Hey isn't that James Earl Jones?" said Matt

"Never mind him." said Vader   Piccard  ran up  "I told you all about what a dolt Kirk was."   Spock advanced towards Piccard but Vader said "Allow me."  he made a squeezing motion with his hand towards Piccard and no more was heard from him.  He made another motion and the plaque flew from Matt's grasp and into Vader's hands. Matt noticed then that Vader's suit was pinstriped.   "This doesn't look anything like me." said Vader. Indiana raised his whip but Matt stopped him," there's no sense we can't defeat him"    "What are you talking about we blew up two of his death stars"  said Indiana  "Wrong character" said Matt as he awoke again this time for good. 

                                                                      Chapter Five

       After a breakfast of bacon and eggs with whole wheat toast Matt hiked 17 miles to the Trapper John Shelter. This must have been a cabin site at one time because there was a chimney in the clearing. The day had been strenuous with several peaks but it was just a taste of what was ahead. Tomorrow the mountains would be taller and the day after was Mt. Moosilauke a true ball buster from all accounts. While there were plenty of other hikers Matt was walking alone again, Faces East was somewhere behind and the kids were hiking about a half day ahead according to the shelter registers. Maria had planted a bunch of James McMurtry songs on the ipod, Matt had never heard of him, apparently he was Pulitzer prize winning author Larry McMurtry's son. Larry had written some of Matt's favorite stories, Lonesome Dove being the best, but Horseman Pass By was a close second. He would ask Maria to send those two books some time soon. His son had inherited his father's talent for story telling, his music is what country and rock should be but so often was not.  Maria had sent The Two Towers and The Return of the King because after Honey finished The fellowship of the Ring she wanted to finish the Lord of the Rings series. 

      At dinner Matt got into a six way conversation about food, it was truly amazing how much time on the trail was spent obsessing about grub. Matt was going on about his all time favorite dish, onions, ground beef, stewed tomatoes, and macaroni. Janis had found it too plain and made him add tomato sauce, Matt always complied and for nine years ate it the way she liked it. As he sat at this campfire he began to think about his kitchen in Bucksport and how good the pasta would taste with the sweet tomatoes and oregano. Sauce just drowned the individual flavors, he found that was true of much in life, these places like Applebees or Chilis that concoct all these elaborate dishes full of conflicting flavors that covered up what was probably a pretty good steak were indicative of the climate in the nation. Too much that was wonderful and beautiful in it's pure form was drowned in rhetoric or hyperbole, sports, politics, religion, even hiking.  Many people he met along the way were more interested in what brand gear you had, how many miles a day you were hiking, and other garbage, and they were missing what was all around them.   

      Duke, Black Bear, and Docksitter were heading south on a flip flop which is hiking the trail one way then turning around and heading back. They had started in Georgia on New years Day and now were heading back south. They had summited Katahdin on June 6th two days after the mountain opened, that was the thing about going north to south many years Katahdin still has snow in June. Through hikers are often held up waiting for the rangers at Baxter State Park to open the mountain. Baxter State Park is run  as a wilderness park, hikers have to sign a register at every trail head with the time of departure and then sign in upon return with time of completion. There are days even in the summer where the mountain is closed due to weather issues. The rangers post trail conditions every morning with days listed by class, if you arrive at the trail head with your pack fully prepared with headlamp, rain gear, first aid kit, plenty of water and food, it won't matter because if it's a class 4 day no one ascends the mountain. 

     Starry Night and Aunt Ellie were heading north like Matt. They had started earlier than Matt and had met on the trail in the Shenandoah hiking together ever since. Aunt Ellie took her moniker from the matriarch of her family, a great aunt who in her old age had told her niece about her youthful dream of hiking the Appalachian Trail which had begun when she read Hiking With Spring an account of the fist recorded through hike by a a world war two veteran named Earl Shaffer. Life and a husband did not allow for such a journey, and when she was widowed at the age of 67 it was too late. She and her niece spoke often of the trail and they made plans together for this hike. The old woman died during the winter leaving her great niece the money for the hike and now this young woman was hiking for both of them. 

     On the 15th of July Matt climbed a couple 3,000 footers before reaching the Ore Hill Shelter, the next day was Mt. Moosilauke which was over 4,800 feet. He started early on the 16th, Aunt Ellie wished him luck from the dimness of the shelter, Starry Night was still in her sleeping bag, a hand waved from the comfy confines. it was a long hard day before he made the Beaver Brook Shelter, he thought of the 5,000 footers ahead and wondered for the millionth time, why?

    On the 17th he hiked over Mt. Wolf, and the two peaks of Kinsman then down the long descent to Lonesome Lake Hut where he dined and slept with the elitists. They were nice people for elitists some with their elitist children. The college students who ran the hut put on a skit after dinner for the guests which Matt found embarrassingly cheesy and totally fun.  he offered to help with dinner cleanup but was informed that  New hampshire legislation recently passed forbade any but the crew in the kitchen.  "Too many poopy paws in the dishwater?" Matt asked. Polite shrugs and indulgent smiles reminded Matt that he was a customer here so he went off to the Lake which was really a small shallow tarn.  

    The next day took him down through the dramatic Franconia Notch and across Interstate 93 which would take you all the way to downtown Boston if that was your desire.  Then up, up  and up, over Little haystack and the two 5,000 footers Lincoln and Lafayette which were considerate enough not to be separated by a valley. Garfield ridge and Garfield with it's foundation left behind by some forgotten structure, South Twin , Guyot. These were the sites of many camping trips with father and the baptists youth group, and finally to Zealand falls Hut. he had put in 21 miles and felt every damn one of them. It had been the toughest day of the trip so far, he had reservations at the hut so he had pushed through the fatigue. The huts require reservations at this time of the year, he wondered what Honey and the boys were doing for evening accommodations. The snoring in the bunk room was atrocious that night but it didn't keep Matt awake. 

    The morning of the 19th came way too early, breakfast was bolted down and he hit the trail, actually the trail hit Matt and his tired legs, but Lake of the Clouds Hut had to be made today. The long steep descent into Crawford Notch was followed by the even longer steeper ascent into the Presidential range. The presidents went slowly underfoot, Jackson, Pierce [formerly Mt. Clinton renamed for Franklin Pierce the only President from New Hampshire. The former name was for a  19th century New York governor not the blow job president], after Eisenhower Matt had had enough politics for one day.  He had put in 18 grueling miles and was glad to see the bunk house. he got a bottom bunk and lay down for a while. Lake of the Clouds Hut sits at over 5,000 feet on a shoulder of Mt. Washington, it's above the tree line and the most popular of the huts. That night he had a restless upper tenant and the bunk was rocking all night like a ship at sea, he'd be glad to get his tent back which he had mailed ahead to Gorham New hampshire to be picked up for the home stretch. 

   A thick fog enveloped the hut when Matt set out for the Washington summit. All the stories of death on the mountain came back to him, Mt. Washington was reputed to be the most dangerous mountain in the world due to meteorological disturbances that happen year round which can turn a beautiful august jaunt into an arctic hell straight from the pages of Call of the Wild minus the hungry wolves. There are a thousand mountains in the world with worse weather and conditions but none of them are within an easy drive of a couple million idiots in  Tevas with cans of soda pop and bags of chips in their pack. 

     The weather decided not to take Matthew this day and the sun came out, as the summit neared he could see puffs of smoke from the cog railroad that climbed from the northwest. The summit of Mt. Washington has always been a busy place with motels and the railroad for tourists. These days there wasn't any motels but an auto road came up from Pinkham Notch and there was the famous observatory where the worlds fastest wind was recorded. The wind was quite healthy today as Matt had a hot dog at the snack bar but no where near the 231 MPH recorded in 1934. As Matt ate he watched as a young woman tried to eat a bag of chips only to lose it to the wind and have it go flying off to the south leaving behind a contrail of chips.

    Matt resisted the temptation to hitch a ride off the mountain and set out down the long ridge and the last two presidents Madison and Jefferson to the Pinkham Notch Visitors Center where he had a private room at the Joe Dodge Lodge.  It had been about a 15 mile day but felt like a thousand.  After a shower and dinner he sat next to the fireplace in the living room and fell asleep. 

                                                                  Chapter Six

    On the 21st Matt hiked  the 19 miles to the Rattle River Shelter then rather than spend the night in a crowded lean-to he hitched into Gorham  and got a room.  He was picked up by a man with his golden retriever in an F150, as he neared town he saw Honey and the boys hitching in the other direction.  Honey yelled "Hey Mattie Boy you're going in the wrong direction. "  as they passed by.

     "Friends of yours?" asked the driver

    "Yup" said Matt

     "I'll go pick them up, it's getting late." 

     "Do you hike much?" asked Matt

    "Nosir the only reason to walk is if the truck's busted, aint that right Sam?" he gave the dog a scratch on the ear.

         Matt stayed at the Royalty Inn, where he had a view of the ballbusting mountains he had just hiked out of.  He ate a burger at the bar and stayed for three more Shipyard Ales then sat in the jacuzzi letting his sore muscles relax. Tomorrow he would be in Maine the 14th and last state, it was also the toughest and the welcome home would be the Mahoosucs. The Mahoosuc Range on the New Hampshire/Maine border was by a consensus the hardest hiking and Mahoosuc Notch was supposed to be the hardest mile on the whole trail.  Back to the trail head and across the Androscoggin River and 17 tough miles brought him across the Maine border and to Carlo Col Shelter. Faces East was there and they had a reunion dinner, The kids were four miles up the trail at the Full Goose shelter, they planned to wait for a while at the Spec Pond campsite tomorrow hoping for Matt to catch up. 

     The next day broke like a tidal wave, rain driving across the mountain tops. Matt and Faces East waited for a while in the shelter hoping for a reprieve, when a lightening in the clouds came at nine they set out. It was a false hope however as by the time they reached Spectacle pond the rain had returned with a vengeance. The day was running out fast and the terrain was killing them but the next shelter was seven miles away across the valley on Baldpate Mt. so they kept going.  It was getting dark as they began the steep decent down Old Spectacle on slippery granite. Had Matt thought the Mount Washington day had been tough? He had a new definition of a hard day now.  As he came down over a steep section Matt heard voices  off to the side.  He peered through the driving rain and saw Honey and Nick stooping over a form on the ground. Matt skidded down to find it was Buzz on the ground, Honey had panic in her voice. Buzz had blood on his head and was unconscious. 

      "Mattie boy, he fell" Honey wasn't screaming but he could hear it just beneath the surface.  Nick was trying to rouse him. Matt stopped him, and told Honey to go back up to the trail, Faces East was not far behind and he didn't want him to miss them, they'd need his help Matt had a feeling. 

      "Don't jostle him Nick, if he has head or neck injuries you'll make them worse." said Matt

      "He's Ok , Buzz is tough." Nick sounded like he was trying to convince himself. He was scared and so was Matt but he wasn't going to let Nick see it. 

       "We've got to rig some shelter and get him out of the rain." said Matt.  He heard Honey yelling and knew Faces East was there. OK things are going to be alright thought Matt.

     

     Faces East came down into the depression where Buzz had landed,  "We must check him for spinal injuries first then we will have to get him out of the rain." 

      Honey was bouncing around  pulling her hood tight to her head, "Buzz wake up." she was saying over and over again. 

     "Nick calm her down we don't need her panicking right now." said Matt   "tell me what to do" he said to FE. Faces East had Matt help him stabilize Buzz's head while he checked his spine. 

     " I don't feel anything however we will have to be very careful to keep his head steady while we get him out of the rain." said FE.   Honey let out a small wail. 

    They couldn't risk picking him up to put him into a tent so they rigged a couple rain flys to block the storm and gently rolled him onto a couple sleeping pads. "Nick you must go down to the highway and get help." said Faces East.

     "You be careful going down this rock" said Matt " we can't afford to have you hurt too" Honey wailed again  "besides" Matt whispered out of hearing of Honey, "if you don't make it Buzz is in trouble." 

     Nick looked at his friend and at Honey, "OK" he nodded. 

    "Take an extra headlamp and leave your pack here." said Faces East.  Honey hugged and kissed him. "Don't worry I'll be back soon with help and old Buzz will sitting up wondering what all the fuss is about and giving me crap." said Nick

    Nick slipped into the rain lashed blackness and they hunkered down for the long wait. The three of them crowded in close to try and keep the injured boy warm, hypothermia was as dangerous an enemy as the injuries from the fall at this point. Faces East made Honey set up one of their tents so they had a  place to change into dryer clothes, the uninjured  also had to survive the night. They lit a stove for comfort as much as anything, although Honey didn't want anything Matt made her eat some hot food. While she was in the tent later in the night Faces East opened Buzz's eyes and shined a light in them, he looked at Matt and shook his head.  After midnight the rain stopped and the sky cleared. Honey stood above them with stars crowning her head. 

     "Come down here dear one." said Faces East

    "No" she said.  "Buzz's dead isn't he?"

    " Yes sweetheart." said Matt

    She sat down where she was and put her head in her hands, Matt tried to put his arms around her but she pushed him away. Faces East draped a coat over her shoulders and then covered over Buzz's face. The search and rescue team showed up with the dawn, Matt was standing on the trail, Faces East was sitting talking quietly to Honey as she sat crying. Matt directed the rescuers down to where Buzz lay and took Nick by the arm leading him away. 

     "Oh god, he's dead isn't he?" Matt just nodded. Nicks clothes were torn in a couple places and his face was scratched and bloody, despite his promise it was obvious he hadn't been careful going down the mountain. 

    They loaded Buzz onto the stretcher and carried him down the mountain. They all had a new definition of Hell by the time they reached the ambulance at the rt. 26 parking lot. It took seven hours to traverse the 3 miles out.  Matt had never felt so tired as he did on the ride to Bethel. He was in the back seat of one of the rescuers pickup truck with Faces East, Nick and Honey were in the ambulance with Buzz. 

   Once they were in Bethel Matt got the kids a room and started making phone calls, Maria offered to come and get them but Michael was already on the way from Worcester. Nick called Buzz's family and arrangements were made for the remains to be shipped home. They all met in Matt's room that night, they had the look of catastrophe survivors. Nick was going back with Buzz, while Honey was staying on the trail despite Nick trying to convince her to come with him.

     "No Nicky, I'm going to finish the trail, Buzz would want me too. You take him home, besides  someone has to keep an eye on Mattie and FE." 

     Michael showed up about 9PM, Matt was asleep and had a difficult time waking up to answer the door. When Michael came in the room Matt hugged him much to his own surprise, and even more surprising Mike hugged him back just as hard.

      "Are you OK bro'?"  Michael asked. After he assured his brother of his well being Michael asked what the plan was. Matt told him the details hadn't been decided yet but he was sure Nick was going to need a ride somewhere. What the plans were for the body he didn't know. Saying the word "body" pulled the plug and Matt realized that his friend was dead, he also realized for the first time that he considered Buzz a friend not just some kid that he tolerated. He started to cry, feeling embarrassed but couldn't stop. He tried to apologize to find he couldn't speak coherently. Michael really became concerned then but it was just exhaustion, utter and total physical exhaustion coupled with grief. Matt fell asleep and didn't wake till the morning. 

        When Matt woke he found the room empty but there was a note from Michael next to the phone, he was in another room at the motel. He went outside, it looked to be another shitty day weather wise. The woman at the front desk looked like she had a lot of questions but she kept them to herself. Matt never drank coffee but he felt the need of something harsh and hot this morning. He sat outside the lobby in a plastic chair as he drank, the aroma of the java brought back memories of Janis and how he would bring her the first cup of the day as she awoke fuzzy and smiling  from her cocoon of blankets. Often he would slide into bed her warm body ready after it's slumber, the coffee cooling on the night stand as they made love. Nick came limping up to the lobby.

       "Coffee inside." said Matt. When Nick came back outside with his cup Matt asked how Honey was. 

       Nick cuddled his cup breathing in the steam then held it to the side of his face, "She's still asleep…..thank God. She wouldn't shut up all night."

       "That's too be expected." said Matt

       "Fuck that. She was cheerful and laughing, it was freaking' me out." 

       "She was in shock Nick, let's see how she is today."

      He just shook his head and sipped his coffee.

                                                        Chapter Seven

      It took two days to get things arranged. Nick was to accompany the coffin to Portland where it would be loaded on a plane for the other Portland in Oregon, there to be met by Buzz's parents. A van picked up the coffin and Michael drove Nick to the airport about a two hour drive. Matt and Michael gave Honey and Nick some privacy for their goodbye. Faces East had procured a ride back to the trail the day before and now Matt was ready to follow him. The night clerk offered a ride to Matt and Honey after her shift ended, it was a silent drive. The night clerk earned a lot of respect from Matt for once again refraining from questions. The sun was finally out when they entered the woods again after what seemed like a month. Honey outdistanced Matt which disturbed him but what the hell did he know, maybe solitude was what she needed. besides Faces East was just a day ahead so she was bracketed if there was a problem. 

     Michael had agreed to call Katie and set things up for Ashley to meet Matt in Monson, it would be about a week before he arrived there. Honey was cooking when Matt arrived at the Hall mountain shelter. He set up his tent then checked the register to see when Faces East had been there. He had passed through at noon and left a message that he would be at the Bemis Mountain lean-to that evening. Honey sat silently next to Matt as he ate, he left her alone figuring she needed to work things out on her own. 

     When Matt went to his tent he noticed that Honey hadn't set her own tent up, he thought she was going to sleep in the shelter but he was wrong. When he unzipped his tent to go to bed she stood looking at him, he crawled inside and she walked back to the shelter. He settled in thinking Honey had gone to bed but she returned with her pad and bag unzipping his door and climbing in next to him. He said nothing and made room for her. They slept for a while then Matt woke to find she was caressing him and kissing his neck. He gently pushes her away.

     "What? Am I too ugly for you?"  She starts to unzip the door and he tries to stop her, she climbs out and he follows. 

      "Honey…."

      "Leave me alone." 

      "I know you feel hurt and lost right now but this isn't what you need." Matt said

      "It doesn't matter, I know I'm ugly and obnoxious, you don't have to explain."

      He pulled her into his arms and wouldn't let go as she struggled to escape," You are not ugly and I'm hurting too, but sex doesn't make the hurt go away. Besides I'm so old sex with a beautiful young woman might stop my heart." 

     She laughed and the sound was like rain in the desert,   "I guess I was being selfish, wouldn't want to cause another death."  She stiffened in his arms,  "Buzz is dead isn't he?" she said. 

     "Come back in the tent." he said "I have something for you." 

     "I thought you didn't want to fuck me."

     He turned on her then "Don't say that"

     "I……"

     "Don't ever say that to me, or think it, put that thought out of your head. Nobody is going to 'FUCK' you, do you understand?"  He could see that she didn't,  "You are a beautiful woman and obnoxious is just a matter of opinion. The next time you have sex make love, do you understand?" 

    "Don't you love me Mattie Boy?"

    The question slapped him like an open hand but he had the answer ready, "yes I do sweetheart, now come in the tent and let me give you what I have."

    What he had was The Two Towers, the second book in the Lord Of The Rings trilogy. 

    "I can't read right now Mattie." she said

    "Then lay down I'll read to you." he said

    "Aragorn sped up the hill."  was the first line. Honey lay on her side facing him as he read. He expected her to fall asleep but she didn't. He read nearly a hundred pages making his way through The departure of Boromir, The riders of Rohan, The Uruk-hai, Treebeard, and the White Rider. She was silent through the whole reading, Matt finally stopping due to a tired voice. 

      "We should have had a funeral for Buzz like Boromir had." Honey said, then she turned over and was asleep before Matt could respond. 

                                                             Chapter Eight

     From then on Matt read to her from the book of Tolkien every night. When they reached Sabbath Day Pond leanto Faces east was waiting for them. They held their readings in front of the fire while other hikers listened and joined in. Mostly though Honey wanted Matt to read. His voice and the beautiful passages seemed to calm her. At Horns Pond in the Bigalow Range the caretaker played a  guitar softly as he read, the music added emotion to the story as the campfire flickered off the faces of the listeners. The story of the events on Spec Mountain had travelled up and down the trail, other hikers kept an eye on Honey and she was rarely alone during the day. Matt had never seen death close up before and he thought about it more and more as he hiked north. Faces East was lagging behind so he had no one to discuss it with, his subconscious provided companions.

       "This is a really beautiful state you have here." said Jesus Christ

      

       "First time you've been here?"  asked Matt

       "Yes, dad did a good job when he created this place.'"

        "No complaints from me on that one."

       They were hiking along Pierce Pond Stream heading towards the kennebec River.  Christ was right, this was a beautiful state and Matt didn't realize how much he had missed it. The pines and the clear running streams, blue lakes with rocky shores, it all felt like home. The recent events had marred his home coming but now he was beginning to come back from the abyss, Honey had a trail full of care takers though she still refused to sleep alone. Night time was when the demons came to visit, last evening she had awoken from a violent dream and Matt read to her for an hour till she fell asleep again. Today however was full of warm sunshine and he was enjoying himself.

       There are over 5,000 lakes and ponds in the state of Maine and that doesn't include the bogs. Some people would look at a bog and think "swamp" but not Matt he had caught a lot of nice brook trout out of beaver bogs. It's a wet landscape once you cross the border, stream crossings are numerous and unbridged. The Maine Appalachian Trail Club which maintains the 281 miles of trail in Maine had attempted to build bridges in the past but the rough winters always wiped them away, ice sweeping down the valleys in the spring scattering them like so many match sticks. Ahead was the most dangerous crossing on the AT, the Kennebec River with it's upstream dam that can release water unknown to hikers miles downstream. The river can rise many feet in a matter of minutes, a woman drowned in 1986 while hiking  with her husband here, ever since a ferry service had been maintained at Carratunk where the trail crosses the river. The shelters in Maine have hours of operation posted and the MATC lists warning on it's website. 

        "We should pick up the pace so we don't miss the morning ferry service." said JC

        "what are you worried about can't you just walk across the water?" asked Matt

        "I don't do so well with running water, the movement makes me queasy. Besides these rocks at the bottom of the streams are slippery."

        "What were you doing walking across water anyhow, sounds like showing off to me." said Matt

         "I love that story" said a laughing JC. "You should have seen the looks on their faces. The Bible says Peter walked out to me because he was afraid but that's not quite true. Oh he was afraid alright when he sank under the waves the dumb ass. He claimed I was walking across stones and tried to prove it."

        "I still say you were showing off." 

        "Matthew don't sass the almighty." said Janis who was sitting on a rock up ahead tying her boot.

        "No he's right I was trying to sneak up on my disciples and give them a good scare, there was a perfectly good boat I could have used right there on shore." said JC

       Janis looked disgusted, "You hate when I'm right don't you babe?" said Matt

       "I'm not your babe." she replied

       "Sorry sweetie but as long as I'm fabricating these conversations you are."

       "can he do that?" she asked Christ

       "I'm afraid so, he's calling the shots, though he can't make you do anything you wouldn't normally do." 

       She looked at Matt and stuck out her tongue. It reminded Matt of their earlier days when she was playful and fun. He asked Christ how come life had to be like that.

       "Why do people always blame life? Life is just the gift of existence it's not some sentient being that plans to pull the rug out from under you." said JC

       "Hmppff" said janis "That's easy for you to say, you weren't hit by a car just as soon as you got rid of this loser." she hooked her thumb in Matt's direction.

       "Now janis that's not called for even if it is true." said JC

      "That's right babe there's….hey wait a minute, what truth are we talking about here?" said Matt

      Janis held her thumb and forefinger at a right angle in front of her forehead forming an L  "loser!"

     Christ was trying not to laugh but failing badly. "I'm going to dunk you both in the river." said Matt

     "I've already been baptized." said JC

     "Me too, loser. Your the only unbaptised one here." said Janis

     " and I'm planning on staying that way too." Matt replied. 

     "don't you want to be saved Matthew? Janis is with me in the Kingdom of Heaven as is Buzz."

     "Knock it off Christ, I was just starting to feel better." said Matt

      "You would feel better if you'd accept me as your personal savior, besides you could use a bath."

       "Yes Matthew you stink to high heaven."  said janis

      "Hmmm  can't say I approve of that saying." said JC

      "Oh get over yourself Christ, sometimes you get tiresome." said janis

     "tiresome am I? Is this the thanks I get for dying on the cross?" 

     She rolled her eyes, "Here we go again. That was over 2,000 years ago, isn't there a statute of limitations?" A smell of sulfur and the devil appeared wearing a New York Yankees cap and a "where's the beef" t-shirt.  

       "hey, big D, how you doin'?"  said JC. they clasped hands and did a half hug.

       "Not bad, how's dad?" said the devil

       "Oh he's fine, still can't mention you around him though."

       "To answer your question Janis, no there are no limitations, this is eternity after all." said the devil.  "Are you ready to come with me?"

       She looked shocked, "Oh for Christ's sake, [ the devil winced, 'I don't think that's helping your cause'] your sending me south just because of that high heaven remark?"

       "Now you see what I had to put up with?" said Matt  " although a minute ago it was funny when she was giving me crap. "She's right, get over yourself Jr."

       "I don't know why you sacrificed so much for theses mortals." said the devil  "They don't appreciate anything we do for them. You should have taken the Lakers tickets."

      A loud crashing in the underbrush startled them all.  "Holy crap." yelled the devil "what the hades is that?"  A bull moose crossed the stream not 20 feet from where they stood.

       "Look at that" said Christ, "wow." 

       "This Place is too wild for me, c'mon Janis let's go." said the devil. "I've got a golf date with Hitler and  Oral Roberts at 1:00."

       "I'm not going with you, Matt do I have to go with him?" she asked

       "Don't look at me, he's the righteous one here"  Matt nodded at JC, "talk to him."

       "Are you sorry?" JC asked

       "Yes" she said in a pouty voice

        "You don't sound sorry, do you repent of your sinful ways."  the devil stood by looking impatient.

        "I'm really sorry." 

        "Ok then." said Christ

         " you know I wish you wouldn't use me as your boogie man all the time."  said the devil  "Show a little professional courtesy." and he was gone. 

        "So tell me about the Lakers tickets." said Matt

       "D man offered me court side seats for eternity when I was on the cross."

       "That was the last temptation?" said Matt

       "Those things aren't easy to come by." said Christ  "Jack Nicholson ended up with them."

       "OK you two hush up we're coming to the river." said Matt

       The Kennebec is about two hundred feet wide where the AT crosses.  The ferryman is on the east bank and is the only paid employee on the entire trail. At the time Matt arrived he was somewhere else however.

      "I told you we had to hurry." said Christ

      " It must be after eleven." said Matt. "He'll be back at two."

      "if you'd listened to me we would be across already and we wouldn't be waiting here." said Christ

      "Are you in a hurry? asked Matt  "Where better to spend an hour or two than here ?"

      " Matt is right  what hurry are you in?" said Janis

      "For a woman who just barely avoided hell you are awfully mouthy." said Christ

      "Give it a rest Christ, enjoy the day or get lost." said Matt

      "You're taking her side?" said JC  

      "Are you tired of him too?" Matt asked Janis . She nodded her head.  Spock came up silently from behind, neck pinched him and threw him over his shoulder in a fireman's carry, gave them the "live long and prosper" sign then beamed away.  "Later Christ boy. " said Matt

       Matt sat on the bank reading until Faces East showed up.

       "I do not like boats Matthew."

       "It's not a boat, it's a canoe." said Matt

       "It floats on water, I do not like it." 

       "There's the ferryman." said Matt. A man in a life jacket came down the bank dragging a canoe and waved to them. He paddled across the river and made an introduction. 

       "we got a nervous one here." said Matt

        "Haven't lost one yet." laughed the ferryman

         "it is the yet that concerns me." said Faces East

        "Do you guys know a young blonde girl, kind'a likes to talk?" asked the ferryman

        "Sounds like someone we know."said Matt.   Faces East just nodded and gripped the side of the canoe, his eyes fixed on the running water.

        "She's on the east bank, said she wasn't moving till you two were safely ashore." 

          "She's had a hard time lately." was all Matt would say.

         "She told me." replied the ferryman.  "Been hearing about it from other hikers for a few days."

          Honey came out of the woods and was waving, "  'bout time you two slowpokes showed up." she yelled. She hugged them both when they landed, Matt noticed tears in her eyes. She helped Faces East carry his pack up the bank. The ferryman hauled Matt's pack out of the Oldtown and quietly said, "take care of that girl she's a rare one."   "Don't I know it." said Matt

                                                                   Chapter Nine

          Late in the afternoon of August third three weary hikers trooped through the front door of Shaw's boarding house. They were given the upstairs apartment in a dilapidated building behind the main house. Matt had seen condemned buildings that were in better shape but it had a certain trashy musty charm. A low moo came from the garage and Honey went to investigate. 

          "Holy shit there's two cows in here." she said. Matt and Faces East went to look, there were two cows in stalls inside, they lowed when Matt stuck his head inside so he gave them some corn stalks that were on the floor, the cows began munching the stalks immediately.

         Honey laughed, "they like you Mattie Boy, they must think you're the new chef." 

          "I wonder how long it will be before they are on the menu?" said Faces East  

        Honey was petting one of them on the nose, "What? You mean.."

       "Yup, that's hamburger on the hoof." said Matt.  tears welled up in Honey's eyes "I'm going to be a vegetarian from now on." she said.

       

        Shaw's is the most famous of the boarding houses that take in hikers in Monson, it's run by an old french canadian Mainer and his wife and son. The trail runs along Lake Hebron and enters town by the back door from the west. This is the jumping off point for north bounders, or NOBOs as they are known, for the 100 mile wilderness which is the longest stretch of trail without a town or highway crossing. Most hikers take ten days to cross this section so at least that much food should be carried in the pack. there has been much discussion over the years about whether this is really a wilderness as several logging roads cross it and there are lodges not too far off the trail in several spots. Still it's not a place you'd want to break an ankle, help is a long ways off. 

      Dinner was served at six in a crowded dining room, the tables and chairs looked like they had been yard sale rejects picked up by the side of the road on monday, nothing matched. Mr. Shaw, who stood about five foot nothing came to each table and took one order, then stumped off to the kitchen and didn't return until the order was ready. Not the most efficient dining room system Matt had ever seen but it eventually got the job done. The other diners were stealing glances and speaking softly, some came over and spoke to Honey and gave her hugs. Starry Night and Aunt Ellie were there and joined them at the table. Honey ate a steak and potato, her vow of vegetarianism lasting all of an hour and a half. After dinner Matt was looking at the AT map on the wall, it was three feet long and about ten inches wide. The maintaining clubs were listed along the way, Virginia had nine clubs, Pennsylvania had ten, most states had more than one, the club names crowding against each other till you got to Maine. Maine with the second longest stretch of trail had one little old club. "You know" Matt said to Faces East who was standing at his elbow,  "I'm joining the club when I get home. Why don't you stick around for the winter and help me out till the snow falls."  He promised to think about it.

    Matt made a call and in the morning his cousin Karen's Volvo pulled up to the lawn in front of Shaw's.  Out bounced Ashley her pigtails flying as she ran up to Matt planting a big hug around his neck. She was a babble of talk as they loaded Matt's gear in the trunk next to Ashley's pack. 

      "Now you've got everything right?" asked Matt

      "Yes, Maria helped me pack last night." she said "We had a cookout and I had lobster and steamahs." said Ashley trying on a Downeast accent.

      "She came over with the pack and other equipment last night." said karen "Oh i almost forgot she brought this for you." Karen dug a large box out of the back seat. 

       "Well twit" Matt said to Ashley  "we better drag those packs out and load this stuff, it's our food for the next ten days, almost forgot it."

       "You did forget it shit head." said Karen, the Maine branch of the family was not shy about pointing things out in a colorful manner.

       Ashley laughed, "Ha ha , she told you Uncle Matt."

        Matt opened the box while Ashley and Karen laid the packs on the lawn. Inside Matt found his four piece fly rod and some flies and leaders.  "hey twit, you ever fished?"

       "No. You gonna teach me Uncle Matt?" 

       "Let me go see where we can buy a fishing license, you in a hurry Karen?"

       "Oh hell no, I've already taken a whole day off from watching soap operas."  Karen didn't work so was the one elected to run Ashley out to Monson.

       It was noon before they hit the trail, Karen took photos to send to katie. Honey and Faces East had left earlier in the day and would be too far ahead to catch today.  Matt didn't plan to kill Ashley on day one so they planned to camp that night at Leeman Brook Lean-to a little over six miles down the trail.  Ashley did pretty well for her first day but was glad to lay the pack down at four o'clock.  She wanted to sleep in the shelter so they set their pads and bags on the wooden floor and gathered wood for a fire. Two south bounders [SOBOs] were there that night. NOBOs didn't often use this shelter because of the proximity to Monson, usually going farther up the trail. Ashley complained about her shoulders but was cheerful despite the pain. She entertained the three adults at the fire with stories about this her first trip to Maine, and the cousins. Matt in turn told his niece some cousin stories, she asked "does mom know about that?"  after one story. 

      "of course she does twit, she was with us that day." said Matt

       "Mom got chased by a bull?' she said

       "your sister's gonna kill you man." said one of the SOBOs.

       The other SOBO said "Your buddy says she'll be waiting tomorrow at Cloud Pond."

        "that's a long day." said Matt

       "We can do it Uncle Matt."

       We have to climb Barren Mountain to get there twit, it's a ballbuster." he said

       "I don't have any balls to bust Uncle Matt."

       "Yup. My sister is going to kill me."

        

          That night the mice used Matt and Ashley like an amusement park. He was awoken by a squeal and a bang.  He and the two SOBOs turned on their headlamps. Ashley was sitting on top of her bag, "There was a mouse sitting in my boot eating my Chapstick, so i kicked it out there." she pointed out into the night. 

          "Go get your boot twit." said Matt and went back to sleep. 

          They started early the next morning, Ashley complained about putting on her boots, checking for mouse turds before pulling them on. The trail went down into Wilson Stream valley past Little Wilson Stream Falls, one of the highest on the trail. They had lunch at  Wilson Valley lean-to where someone had left honey and peanut butter which they spread on some tortillas. Ashley wasn't so sure about eating food left out in the woods but Matt just laughed at her, so she ate some then had another. 

           Another five miles brought them to Long Pond Stream and the beautiful falls, a perfect swimming hole was down stream. Ashley looked pretty tired, "Want to stop here for the night, we can go swimming." said Matt

         "But what about your friend?"  she asked

         "We'll catch her tomorrow, let's set up the tent."

        "I don't have a bathing suit Uncle Matt."

        "Me either." he said

        They swam in their underwear Ashley quickly overcoming her shyness. She was a good swimmer. They stood under the falls with trout darting nervously around their legs. When they got dressed Matt gave Ashley her first casting lesson, she was a quick study and caught her first fish out of the deep pool down stream from the falls, a brightly colored ten inch trout rose to the fly and splashed as she brought it to shore. The fish rested across Ashley's palms as she looked at it. For the first time in a while that thing inside him was moving around as he looked at his niece with wonder and awe in her eyes. 

        "You can keep it if you want, it's big enough." said Matt

       "No." she sighed and let it slip into the water. 

       The next day was Ashley's first mountain and it took a lot out of her. They made Cloud pond shelter by noon  to find Honey there. Ashley let her uncle take her pack off and she flopped face down on the shelter floor. 

       "This mountain's a bitch aint it." Honey said to Ashley. She just nodded her head.

       Matt filtered some water and made lemonade from powdered mix, Ashley drank half a bottle before handing it back. 

       "How are you doin'?" he asked Honey

       "Good Mattie Boy, FE took off at dawn, I doubt we'll catch him today."

        "We're only going as far as Chairback Gap today." said Matt. They stayed for an hour having some lunch, Ashley and Honey played cards. By the time they left Honey had Ashley calling him Uncle Matte Boy.  The trail roller coasted over Fourth Mountain, Third Mountain, and finally Chairback where they stopped for the night. The Chairback Gap lean-to sits on a steep piece of property, the water source is a steep two tenths of a mile down hill. It's not worth the decent as it is basically a mud puddle and tastes even worse than it looks. 

       "Are we really going to drink out of that Uncle Mattie Boy?"

       "We've drunk worse than that haven't we Mattie Boy?" said Honey

       Ashley fell asleep with her fork in her hand over supper. Matt decided the next day they would take a side trip and have a holiday. Ashley shouldn't have started her backpacking career with the Barren-Chairback range which is one of the toughest on the trail. Across the valley waited the Whitecap range which is even harder. This meant Faces East would get entirely away from them but there wasn't any way around it.  There were some other hikers here so Matt would send a message north with them hoping he would receive it. Honey was distraught at the news but Matt talked her into coming with them.  "Well Mattie Boy if I'm going to lose one of you it will have to be that old Hindu."  "He's Muslim sweetie." said Matt.   

     "I know." she said "You never get my jokes."

                                                           Chapter Ten

      On August 7th they made the short steep descent into the valley of the West Branch of the Pleasant River. This is one of the most popular hiking spots in Maine, a logging road accesses the area and there were a lot of people in the woods preparing to wade the river. Their destination was Gulf Hagas a 5 mile long canyon full of waterfalls, the trail runs along the top of the canyon wall with spectacular views of the river a hundred feet below. The Maine Appalachian Trail Club hires a caretaker to work this high traffic area. They took off their boots and waded across the thigh deep ford. As they sat drying their feet and putting on their boots a young dark haired woman in a uniform shirt introduced herself and gave them her spiel about the area and leave no trace policy. Ashley was completely taken with her asking her question after question. 

        "Where do you live?" asked Ashley

        "I have a tent near here that I live in." 

        "How did you get this job?"

        "I applied on line and they called me for an interview." 

         "You're too young for this job twit." said Honey

         "Mind your own business A-hole." said Ashley

          "Katie's going to kill me." said Matt again.

        They hiked up the Rim Trail amid the day hikers with their small light packs, this was one of Janis and Matt's favorite hikes. He had a picture of Janis in front of Buttermilk falls on his kitchen wall at home. He took a picture of Ashley and Honey in the same spot, if he bribed his sister with enough great photos perhaps she wouldn't behead him for sending Ashley home with an expanded vocabulary. 

      The trail leads eventually to a camp run by the Appalachian Mountain Club, Little Lyford Pond Camps. He and janis had stayed here several years ago when the AMC had just purchased the property. 

       Established as a logging camp in 1873 the camps had been converted to a sporting lodge in 1900. Since then the camps had been through many owners until the AMC purchased it in 2002. Now it was run for hikers and fisherman in the summer and cross country skiers in the winter. The trail from Gulf Hagas runs along the river until it nears the camps, then turns left away from the river for the last quarter mile. Across puncheons the trail leads to a clearing in the woods, directly ahead was a bunkhouse, to the right along a ridge is a string of log cabins.  Past the bunkhouse were more cabins and to the left the lodge. This was where they went to inquire about a cabin.

     The manager, a man by the name of Bill Keene set them up with Mountain View cabin. He showed them how to turn on the propane lights and where the bath house was, "dinner at six, we'll ring the bell." he ended with. It was a one room cabin with a couch, a queen size bed and a bunk bed, Ashley claimed the top bunk while Matt took the queen. 

     "I guess I get the bottom." said Honey

     "Yup." said Matt who had paid for the cabin and wasn't about to sleep under his fidgety niece. 

     "This place is way cool Uncle Mattie Boy."

      Bill had directed them to a swimming hole on the river so they trooped down the trail conveniently marked "Swimming hole". There was a sandy spit of land and a large pool they swam in until they heard a bell ringing.

      "Dinner" yelled the girls  and splashed for shore.

       The sound was still echoing off the trees as they ran for the lodge, dinner was served family style which meant every man for himself, even if that man was a little girl. The little girls did quite well for  themselves, the only worry was would there be enough food for their table, but the cook, a big burly guy by the name of Fred Rumble, kept it coming.  "My boss says he doesn't want the dinner table turning into some kind of 'Call of the Wild'  thing with four wolves looking at the last pork chop."  he said as he deposited more potatoes in front of them. 

      They ate with the same "elitist" they'd found in the huts in New Hampshire. Happy, friendly elitists many of whom had done the trail in the past. They shared their own trail stories and Honey became the center of attention with Ashley jockeying for a share of the spotlight. To listen to them you'd have thought they had hiked together for 2,000 miles instead of  just 40. After desert Matt stayed and talked to Bill with several other guests while Ashley and Honey went off in search of mischief.  

       After dark Matt came back to the lodge looking for some matches, Fred was still in his kitchen and offered him a beer. They went out on the deck and sat in the peeling Adirondack chairs. It was a perfect warm evening, the kind that brought back a million childhood memories. Memories of night crawlers and hide and seek with his cousins, there's no describing the night air of a Maine summer. 

       "So, rough night? You had quite a mess to clean up." asked Matt

       "Nope, there's never a rough day here." said Fred.  "Here comes your daughter."  

      Ashley was coming up the steps with her headlamp bouncing up and down.  "She's my niece actually. Can't sleep?" he asked her.

      "Honey is snoring." she yawned.

      Fred went on, "I used to work at a place called the Jackson Laboratory down in Bar Harbor."

      "yup, know the place. My ex wife got me to apply there, thought I needed a better career," said Matt

       "You can tell her she was wrong about that." said Fred

       " i will next time I talk to her"

      "But aunt Janis is dead uncle Matt."

      There was a brief moment of silence then Fred went on, "The pay and benefits were great and the work was interesting but it was like being in Russia or something. You had to watch everything you said so you didn't get in trouble, and they encouraged you to tattle on your coworkers. people would get fired for a slip of the tongue. Anyhow one year Christmas came on a weekend so there was no three day holiday. So Amy Adams the head of human resources works it out so that we got friday off with pay, well you wouldn't believe the shit storm that set off. Oops, sorry kid."

      "I hear worse than that every day on the trail Mr. Rumble."

      "Good kid you've got there.  So any how people were complaining about having already used a vacation day and not being able to get it back, and the managers were bitching about having to get the work done in a shorter week, and upper management was pissing in her ear. She went home on Christmas Eve, got drunk and took down her Christmas tree and threw it out on the lawn."

       Matt and Ashley laughed and Matt said "Sorry that's not really funny."

       "Oh that's Ok, she laughed about it herself later.  When i heard about it I thought I'd bring her some of my home made Irish Cream, figured she'd like to know someone appreciated her gesture. Then I thought how well her act of kindness turned out and wouldn't it be just my luck to get fired for bringing alcohol on Lab property, so I didn't do it.

      "What's Irish cream?" asked Ashley

      "It's chocolate milk with whiskey in it." said Fred  "Ya gotta love the Irish, what other race would think chocolate milk needed whiskey? So I'm not much of a thinking man, I usually just react, but I did a little drinking of my own and I thought of that line in the Pretenders song about a dog on a chain knowing what it's like to wait for nothing. I told Amy the whole story at my exit interview."

      "What did she say?" asked Matt.

      "Nothing, just laughed once." 

      "Was it a happy laugh or a sad one?" asked Ashley

      "Smart niece you've got there." said Fred but didn't answer instead getting up to get another beer. 

      "How come Mr. Rumble didn't answer me?" 

      "Because sometimes you have to figure it out yourself twit." said Matt  "What do you think?"

      "I think it was a sad laugh."

      "Me too sweetheart."

      Fred came back with a couple beers and a glass of lemonade for Ashley. 

    "So what's your story?" asked Fred

    Matt sipped his beer, "You know i came out here to figure that out and the thing that I found out is that there are no  answers."

   "A-fucking-men." said Fred, "oh shit! Sorry kid."  Ashley was laughing and couldn't respond. 

    From one of the cabins came a guitar playing a tune Matt found familiar. A voice started singing Ramblin' Man, an old Hank Williams song about a guy who just couldn't settle down. They listened until the singer finished then Ashley asked, "is that about you Uncle Matt?"

    "I don't know Ashley." he said.

                                                         Chapter Eleven

     Breakfast was at 8:00 and interrupted when the fox family made it's appearance in the field next to the lodge. The entire dining room rushed to the windows as the fuzzy little kits ran across the grass tumbling over each other as the parents looked on. Bill said the father had been living there for several years, but this was the first year he'd had offspring. 

After breakfast they filled up some baggies with cookies and gorp then retraced their steps back to the AT.  The trail rose long and steep up Gulf Hagas Mountain following Gulf Hagas Brook past the Carl A. Newhall shelter and then over West Mountain, Hay Mountain, and White Cap with it's view to the north. Matt pointed out a wedge shaped mountain in the distance "That's Katahdin." he said. 

       "It doesn't look that big." said Honey

       "We're about fifty miles away here." said Matt, " we'll get better views ahead but the first really good look will be from Abol Bridge." 

       "How long Uncle Matt?" 

       "We should be there in about a week. Think you'll make it?"

       "yeah twit, we might have to leave you behind if you keep slowing us down, the snow hits around September up here." said Honey

       "We'll see who gets left behind A-hole." said Ashley

       "This is the last real mountain before we get there." said Matt

       "Well it aint getting any closer." said Honey as she picked up her pack.

        "Yup, the mountain won't come to us, will it Honey?"  said Ashley as she hoisted her pack as well.  Ashley was following Honey doing everything she did, trying to keep up with her on the march, adopting her speech mannerisms and planned to tent with Honey from now on saying that was the "girls tent" no boys allowed. Honey seemed to like the hero worship and Matt was glad for it,  he hoped it was keeping her mind off the recent tragedy. 

          On August 9th they left the Logan Brook shelter and descended to the lake country, Matt only planned on an eleven mile day so they could camp at Cooper Brook Falls that night.  This was Matt's country, having hiked here often. On Little Boardman Mountain they stopped for an hour to pick blueberries and sun themselves on an open ledge. Later they stopped at the beach on Crawford Pond, a light sprinkle was coming down dimpling the calm water. Ashley was wondering if those were trout feeding, her education was coming along well.  Matt promised they would fish tonight. 

      When they arrived at the shelter there was already a tent set up and a black dog came to greet them, tail wagging. While Ashley and Honey were loving him up a woman came up asking "Is he bothering you?"

     He wasn't of course and she went on to say that the two of them camped here so often he pretty much figured he owned the place and acted as the welcoming committee. She was a volunteer for the MATC and had just gotten back to camp after a long day in the woods and was about to go for a swim. 

      "We could all use a swim I think." said Matt. "We took it easy today so we could camp here"

      "That was an easy day Uncle Matt?"

      "Yes that was an easy day twit, we usually do ten times that much don't we Mattie Boy?" said Honey.

      The dog Baxter had bored quickly of the humans and gone down to the foot of the pool where he was walking slowly through the water nose down tail up and wagging. Then he would dash forward biting at the water his tail wagging reaching maximum velocity looking for all the world like a helicopter propellor. 

     Ashley asked, "what's he doing?"

     "He's fishing." the woman answered.

     "Does he ever catch any?" 

     "No, twelve years of trying and no success, but he doesn't get discouraged." 

     Ashley and Honey went down to the stream to watch Baxter and cheer him on, "There's one Baxter" said Ashley pointing into the water, Baxter splashed happily after it as both girls laughed. 

     "What do I owe you for the baby sitter?" asked Matt

      "Free of charge, I'm Amy." she said holding out a grimy hand. 

      "So you're the caretaker for this section?" 

      "No I'm the corridor monitor, I patrol the boundaries." she said pointing out into the woods.   For most people the Appalachian Trail was a footpath through the mountains, sometimes they would see the volunteers who maintain the trail and the evidence of their work was always visible, but what very few saw or even suspected was that the AT was like a piece of property and it had boundaries. Where the trail passes through parks like Shenandoah or Baxter the trail was safe from encroachment, but everywhere else a buffer zone was needed to keep the trail wild, this is called the "corridor."  The corridor is in remote spots and has to be periodically checked for encroachments such as ATV trails, logging and a thousand other things. This was Amy's section, she and her husband had been assigned and worked here for several years, then came a divorce and now she had to work it alone with Baxter. She was nervous being out here alone off the trail but she had worked it so long she couldn't see giving it up with her work incomplete. 

     Ashley and Honey were so taken with the story that Amy asked if they would like to join her tomorrow. Matt said it was fine with him. They all went swimming, Baxter barking at them when they tried to get him into the pool. Amy showed them how to swim up to the waterfall and then turn around so the falls pushed them back to the tail of the pool. There was also a place where you could sit and the water came down and massaged your back that she showed them. 

     The fish weren't biting and Ashley soon lost interest and went to the shelter to help start a fire with Amy and Honey. Matt stayed till dark casting into the pool listening to the laughter coming from the lean-to. He had read some of the journal in the shelter and now remembered some of the hikers complaining about leeches. He looked through his fly wallet and found a brown leech pattern. He cast down into the splashing water where the falls emptied into the pool, swimming the streamer on the surface. Pop, the fly disappeared and Matt lifted the rod feeling the fish surging against the tension. He landed a nice brookie and held it in his hand admiring the colors, there's nothing more beautiful than a native Maine trout. He was also thinking "no Ramen Noodles tonight." That reminded him of Buzz, and thus distracted the fish flopped out of his hands into the stream, he chased it across the slippery wet granite the trout winning the race and splashing into the pool and safety. 

     

       The next morning they followed Amy back in the direction they had come from for about a mile, a piece of orange flash tape tied to a branch marked the spot where they plunged off the trail into the woods. There was no path and Matt was surprised to see Amy wasn't using a compass to navigate she just forged ahead. Amy stopped and said "here we are." in no particular spot it seemed to Matt. She was carrying a one gallon plastic pail with a handle, she took the lid off and stowed it in a plastic bag in her pack. Amy pointed out what they were here for, stretching back north were a string of trees with fresh yellow blazes on them. This section had been surveyed over twenty years ago and Amy was freshening the paint. This was the border of the trail lands. To the south Matt couldn't see any yellow, Amy showed them how to spot the faint blazes. Some of the blaze trees were on the ground, and some had disappeared under the bark that had grown in the last two decades. Amy handed out paint brushes and said only paint where there are old blazes. They painted south fighting through the undergrowth which was thick, then Amy said, "here's a witness tree."  A witness tree marks the location of a "monument." Monument are round aluminum markers mounted on three foot long poles and set in the ground at intervals. This was the official boundary if you connect a line from monument to monument . Amy said there were 178 monument on her two sections. So far she had found and photographed 68 of them in nine years.  They worked for eight hours painting and finding six monuments, at the end of the day Amy led them down hill back to the trail. Matt was shocked to see how close they were to their beginning spot, it seemed they had gone miles and miles in the woods. 

      They were covered in yellow paint and scratched all to hell from pushing through the uncharted wilderness so they went swimming. They had another camp fire after dinner. Amy started to tell them about her job at the Jackson Laboratory, Matt's laughter stopped her. He told her about their side trip to Lyford Pond and Fred Rumble. 

       "Holy crap!" she laughed. "When I started at the Lab back in "98 he was my trainer. How's old Fred doing?" 

       "Two nights ago Ashley and I were having a beer on the deck with him after dinner." said Matt.  She gave him a funny look and he quickly amended his statement, "She had lemonade." 

       "I'll have to go see Freddie and see if he has any beer left.  Do you like cigars?" she asked Matt

      "Yes he does and so do I." said Honey

      "Well i only have two. " she said

      "We can share." said Matt

     "Do I get any?" asked Ashley

     "It'll stunt your growth twit." said Honey

     "you seem to be big enough A-hole." said Ashley. "it hasn't stunted your growth."

     "talk to your uncle." said Honey

     "If you promise not to tell your mother I'll let you have one puff." said Matt

      "Ha ha, eat that honeypuss." said Ashley

      Matt got the cigar lit and gave it to her, "just puff, don't breath it in."

      She puffed and coughed, Honey laughed and took the cigar,  "told ya." and took a big puff and started choking herself.

     Tears were leaking from Ashley's eyes but she was still able to give Honey crap, "what's the matter, [cough, cough] too much for you?"

     [choke, cough] "shut up twit."

     Amy had a laugh like a braying mule which Matt found pleasing. He was also pleased that Amy didn't seem to be put off by Matt allowing Ashley to smoke or the caustic exchanges between his niece and Honey. Baxter sat between Ashley and Honey where he could get the most attention. They talked far into the night sharing stories back and forth, Amy had done about half the trail in one and two week spurts, she was eager to hear about the trail south of New York where she hadn't hiked yet. They wanted to hear about her volunteer work and the trail ahead.  

                                                          Chapter Twelve

     In the morning they headed north while Amy went in the opposite direction, Baxter paused in the trail looking at them as if to ask "where the hell are you going, work is this way." The trail is fairly level in this section, as level as you can find in Maine at least. Along Cooper brook they hiked on what used to be a haul road used to bring the logs out of the valley. They stopped at the Jo Mary road which leads eleven miles to route 11 which is miles from anywhere. Farther along they stopped at The Antlers campsite for lunch amid the hundred foot red spruce. The Antlers sits on a point of land thrust into Jo Mary Lake, in the past one of the most famous sportsman's camps in Maine had been on this site. The lodge took it's name from the numerous antlers which adorned the building. Now all that's left of the camps is some rusting metal behind the outhouse which is named "Fort Relief" with a nice half moon carved in the door. They hiked around the cove to a spot across from the Antlers and went swimming at the sandy beach before continuing on to Potywadjo Spring Lean-to. They camped here for the night, the spring is a pool of water about the size of a large living room, the water can be seen bubbling up through the sand at the bottom. A boardwalk leads to the edge of the spring, the water is ice cold even on a hot August evening. 

    From his tent he could hear the girls giggling and laughing in Honey's tent. "You ever wish we had kids?' he asked Janis

   "All the time, but I wasn't going to try to raise a child and you too." she said

   "was I really that bad Janis?"

    "Bad isn't the word I'd use, you're a good man Matthew, as good as I've ever known. I never had to worry about whether you loved me or who you were sleeping with, but you never grew up." 

     "I don't know what you mean by grow up. I thought the point of life was to be happy and love someone. What more did you want?"

       He gave her all the love that he had and had been perplexed when she wanted a divorce. The signs had been there all along if only he had been perceptive to them. The love he received from Janis had been so surprising and overwhelming that he couldn't perceive of anything more important. Apparently there was. 

    "I needed someone to grow with me Matthew, you were suspended in an adolescent twilight that seemed like death to me."

    "Well I guess you'd know what death really is now, I'm sorry I pulled that knife on you babe." 

    "I forgive you Matt."

      Matt could hear the girls singing a Lady Gaga song and laughing their asses off.  

         The next day Honey and Ashley hiked off and left him in the dust, well actually they left him in the pine needles as there was little dust  out there. Ashley had found her trail legs, she was a young athletic girl and Matt was glad her and Honey had bonded. They were waiting at Pollywog stream, laying on the bridge in the warm sun. They hiked the remaining miles together to the Rainbow Stream lean-to.  The next day would see them to Abol Bridge and from there it was two days to the end of the trail. Matt found it hard to believe the end was nigh. It wasn't that the trail hadn't been long and arduous, because it had been, it just didn't seem possible he was nearly done. It was like a life coming to the end, and it was inconceivable. 

          On August thirteenth they set out for Abol Bridge and the end of the hundred mile wilderness. Matt wanted to be with them when they reached the bridge so he hiked faster than usual. Along Rainbow Lake the pines are enormous, this area hadn't been logged in a long time. The region got it's name from the colors in the fall, and Rainbow stream was such a notorious area the loggers wrote songs about what a bitch it was to work there. Near the end of the afternoon they reached the Golden Road. 

         The Golden Road runs from Millinocket west to the Canadian border through some of the most remote logging lands in the lower 48. It took 1,000 workers five years to build the 96 mile road that was completed in 1975. It was originally  called the West Branch Haul Road because it was used to extract the lumber from the West Branch of the Penobscot River. 

Later it was re-named The Golden Road because of the wealth of timber flowing down it.  Matt had been down the road many times and had visited Ripogenous Dam on the Penobscot, the largest hydro-electric dam in the state. Several entities wanted to erect wind mills on Maine mountain ranges to produce electricity. Maine had no need for such destructive endeavors as more electricity was produced by the rivers than could be used in the state.  Outside entities were always trying to place wind towers on the fragile and rare high country to produce electricity that would be sold out of state. Maine was such a poor state that it had few resources to combat such intrusions. Often the intruders had allies in the state government which was often made up of people from "away."  The Maine Appalachian Trail Club had powerful allies to fight the wind towers targeted for the Reddington Range adjacent to the Appalachian Trail, but they had to bear the brunt of the battle and cost to keep hundred foot towers from bordering the wilderness trail. 

       Matt walked out onto pavement. He dropped his pack and waited for the girls. Here was the end of the 100 Mile Wilderness, a half mile down the road to the right was a campground with a store. You could buy a hotdog there. A six-pack of beer. Poptarts. Other sundries were available but not a phone. A ride could be obtained if you needed one as there was a lot of traffic that passed through there and people out here were very acomodating, you just had to be patient. That was the thing. One of the lessons the trail taught was patience. The modern world knew nothing of such things, waiting for something was unheard of today. No phone available? I'll use my cell, HAH, good luck with that in the north woods. Maine had the biggest cell service hole in the lower 48.

       When Ashley and Honey arrived they walked down the road with Matt in the lead. Cars passed them. CARS!  Matt walked out onto Abol Bridge. He waited for the girls. They came out to where he waited in the middle of the span over the West Branch of the Penobscot River. They stopped and looked around.  Matt stood silent. They looked at the river beneath them, at the campground nearby, then their eyes rose to the northern horizon which is filled by Katahdin.  

      "Oh my!" said Honey.

       "Yup." said Matthew

      Ashley said nothing, just gazing to the north.. 

      "Doesn't look so small now, does it?" asked Matt

      "It's beautiful." said Honey

      "Holy tamole." said Ashley.

      "Let's see if there's a tent site available." said Matt

     

       They went to the camp store where  several trucks were parked in front. Their packs had to be left  outside, inside were the owners of the trucks talking with the woman behind the counter. They waited for the lady to be available then purchased a tent site for the night. The tent sites were along Abol Stream which was basically a marsh that emptied into the Penobscot. Ashley wanted to fish so she and Matt walked past the trailers with air conditioners running to the river. There she cast into the current next to several older men who obviously were expert fisherman. At various intervals they all came over to offer advice that Matt wasn't qualified to give. If  he had been the one fishing none of them would have said a word, but a young girl casting to some of the most educated fish in the state had brought their vocal sides out.  They gave her advice that Matt stored away for future use. 

     They were invited to dinner at one of the trailers. Honey strangely declined. She had been withdrawn since they saw the mountain. After hot dogs and beans with the  Simpsons from  Bangor they went back to their site to find Honey sitting looking at the mountain. "We'll be up there the day after tomorrow." said Matt  She just nodded her head. Matt went to bed soon after that and lay listening to the whippoorwills calling across the stream. 

                                                              Chapter Thirteen

      In the morning they walked down the road to where the trail makes a sharp left back into the woods, they were soon in Baxter State Park. Honey was still silent as they hiked, Ashley gave Matt an inquisitive look but he just shrugged. The trail follows the Penobscot River for four miles before reaching Nesowdnahunk Stream, here they stopped for a while next to the pool at the bottom of the stream. From there the trail rises as it follows the stream into the interior of the park.

     Baxter State Park is named for Percival P. Baxter a former governor of the state of Maine. He made it one of his life's works to purchase and donate the land to the people of Maine, he made his first purchase in 1930 and continued adding parcels till 1962, his only caveat being that the park remain forever wild. The Park is run by a trust left by it's creator and the fees collected for use and camping. Citizens of the state of Maine do not have to pay an entrance fee but do have to pay for camping. All the roads in the park are narrow rough dirt paths that were once used for hauling timber and hadn't been improved much since. The roads run around the edge of the park leaving the interior free of motor vehicles. 

      They hiked along Nesowdnahunk which is a true mountain stream falling precipitously towards the Penobscot. The stream is full of huge boulders and long deep pools full of native brook trout. Evidence of the logging days abound by the trail, the largest being the remains of Toll Dam which was built by an entrepreneur who charged for logs to be driven through. They said at the mills you could always tell a Nesowdnahunk  log because all the bark was scraped off and the ends were smashed from the rough passage downstream.  By noon they had reached the Perimeter Road which connects Togue Pond Gate the southern entrance with the Mattagammon Gate which is the northern entrance. Along the road a ways  they entered Katahdin Stream Campground where they would spend the night. 

        The campground is  the site of an old logging camp now filled with tent sites and lean-tos. To the right along Katahdin stream were several shelters and above was where the ranger's station was, Matt went to see about accommodations. The ranger told him there was still room at the Birches across the stream, this was the site reserved for through hikers. Matt came back down to the field where he'd left the girls to find Honey hugging a familiar form, it was Nick. 

       Nick was asking what had taken them so long as he'd been here the last three days waiting for them. Faces East had summited two days ago and was now on his way back to India so Honey's prognostication had been correct, they had missed that old Hindu.  

      "How did you get here Nicky?"  asked Honey 

      I flew dipshit." 

      They got settled in for their last night on the trail then Nick told Honey his story. He had flown back with Buzz's casket to Portland Oregon and had been met at the airport by his and Buzz's parents. During a long night of talk Nick had told them about the funeral they'd witnessed back in Virginia. Buzz's parents thought that was how Buzz should be sent off so they arranged for three tickets and motel accommodations in Millinocket.

      "Ma and Pa are here." said Honey

     "Yup, they're in town right now, they'll be here in a couple hours to pick me up." said Nick.  "But now I'll be spending the night here so I can summit with you tomorrow." 

     "Where's Buzz?" asked Honey in a whisper.  

      Nick gestured to a day pack on the ground, "It's just like him to do this, he'd love knowing I had to carry his ass up the mountain." 

      "I'll help." said Honey

      "Me too." said Ashley

      "Listen, don't say anything about that, the rangers here are a little funny about stuff like scattering ashes on their mountains." said Matt

      A couple hours later Candace and Jeremy Cash showed up. It wasn't until then that Matt found out what Buzz's last name was, it made him wonder what Nick and Honey's last names were. He thought how strange it was that the trappings of polite civilization were forgotten so easily. 

       Honey walked slowly up to them as they exited their rented Ford.  Mat was loath to witness such a personal moment but it was what it was and he was part of it. Honey got to Candace first and wrapped her arms around her neck,  Jeremy came around the front of the car and wrapped his arms around both of them.  All were crying, Honey was saying over and over, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry it's my fault. It's my fault,  I didn't keep an eye on him."  They just hugged her harder and let her wail.   Buzz's parents stayed and sat around the campfire listening to the stories. Matt wondered what they thought as they heard the tales of the 2,000 milers. These were the survivors, the ones who didn't drop out, have injuries, get bored. Honey was a survivor in more ways than one but she was silent this last night on the trail. 

        Early in the morning Matt was awake, the moon had set but the stars were still vibrant. He walked out to the bridge over Katahdin Stream as Ashley and Honey slept. The stream rushing beneath him washed cool air over his body as he sat looking up at the sky. "Well Janis I'll be done today." he thought. She didn't come to visit him.  He rose from the bridge and walked down to the field where Katahdin was visible in the starlight. "See you at the top Babe," he said.

      There were nine in the party that started up the Hunt trail on the fifteenth of August , Ashley was the only one who hadn't started in Georgia. The Hunt trail is a five mile path to the top of Katahdin on Baxter peak. It' a true New England Yankee trail as it takes the most direct route to the top, no meandering for views or switchbacks. Straight up the mountain it goes, steep as hell and twice as rocky. A mile from the top they reached the table land a large rocky plateau looking out over a vast lake strewn wilderness. The view here was unobstructed but a storm was blowing in from the north and the peak was already in the clouds. Honey and Nick took the lead so Ashley had to follow her hero, Matt resisted telling her to be careful and trudged on alone. The mist soon enveloped him, down bound hikers appeared suddenly from the cloud like apparitions in a nightmare. He could see Ashley high above him looking back with her trekking poles lashed to her day pack looking for all the world like some warrior guarding a forgotten mountain pass, then the clouds blew in obscuring his sight. He marched on in his isolated cloud world, at one point a raven went by his head bourn by the hurricane wind. Suddenly amid the rocks there were people, the summit had been reached. Ashley and Honey came running to hug him, then he went to the shrine atop Katahdin. 

     He had thought about this moment for over 2,000 miles. How would he act? 

     Matt touched the weather beaten wood, feeling the carved letters. He thought not only of all the hikers to have been here but also of the many winters that had carved this sign just as much as the lathe had. Honey hugged him from behind. He turned and reciprocated. 

     They looked at each other awkwardly then Nick shrugged his shoulders and released the contents of Buzz's urn to the wind. The ashes took wing and flew away south. They watched for a moment then turned and started their descent.

     

    Four days later Matt was standing on Abol Bridge looking at Katahdin. Ashley was back home in Pennsylvania, Nick and Honey had flown home with Buzz's parents. He had gone home and slept in his bed and visited with his family. They had a cookout before Ashley left. Now Matt stood alone on the bridge, this journey had begun a year ago on another bridge over this same river. He wasn't really alone, they were all here with him, he could feel their presence. With one last glance north he hoisted his pack and walked down the road towards a path in the woods.

THE END